


In Transit ||  Harry Styles AU

by lisavslisa



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Adventure, Adventure & Romance, Alternate Universe - Road Trip, America, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Depression, F/M, Falling In Love, Harry has a Brother, Hotel Sex, Inner Demons, New York City, Nightmares, Oral Sex, Past Abuse, Road Trips, Sadness, Sex, Sexual Abuse, Sexual Assault, Sexual Content, United States, Verbal Abuse, american fic, harry is american
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-09
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2018-11-30 02:50:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 70,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11454435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lisavslisa/pseuds/lisavslisa
Summary: When Mason meets a mysterious guy at a club and goes home with him, she doesn’t ever expect to see him again. But when their paths cross again two years later, they both instantly feel the undeniable force between them. Mason is desperate to forget the demons of her past, while Harry lives a life fighting off his own. But after a life-changing revelation, he is determined to free them once and for all, and hopes he can help Mason in the same way she has helped him.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

>   
>    
> 

Mason Montgomery used to be a normal girl. She used to go out with her friends. She used to have boyfriends and relationships.

_She used to._

 

 

**May 2015**

 

Her body glistened with perspiration as she danced along with the beat of the music. She was barely aware of her surroundings, having drank until her throat no longer burned, until her body felt numb. She didn’t care about much. She didn’t have a _need_ to care. She just hoped the night would end with either her blacking out in her bed alone or her finding a guy to take her home with him – either option would suffice.

Her friends were nowhere in sight, though she didn’t care much to know where they were or what they were doing. She could tell they were nearly fed up with her. She had been stuck in a haze of depression for far too long and they all acted as though her recovery was beneath them. Oh sure, they were caring in the beginning. But once they realized she wasn’t getting over it, she wasn’t getting better, they acted like she was faking it – that she shouldn’t feel the sense of emptiness she felt without the two most important people in her life. Her parents were dead and she was supposed to just get over that.

Her idea of getting over it was swallowing a half a bottle of her grandmother’s pain meds.

When she woke up the next day in the hospital, she didn’t feel relief that her life hadn’t ended. She wasn’t happy she got a second chance at life. She just got another burden placed upon her shoulders – because after that, she had to work twice as hard to act like everything was okay even though it wasn’t.

And nights like this, she used her fake I.D. and spent her evening getting drunk on the dance floor, hoping to end another shitty day with a _happy ending_. 

And sure enough, her _happy ending_ was headed her way – mister tall, dark, and handsome.

“Can I buy you a drink?” The guy breathed in her ear, just loud enough so she could hear him over the music. His voice was deep and it sent a shiver up her spine.

“Sure,” she cooed, smiling up at him, giving him her best smoldering eye. She was only nineteen, but she knew a thing or two about picking up men. She learned fast, observing people interacting, and it helped her get what she wanted.

He grabbed her hand and led her to the bar before turning to her with a smile on his face.

“I bet a girl like you can handle some tequila, huh?” He asked, cocking his eyebrow at her.

“Make it a double,” she challenged, smirking at him.

“You got it, girl,” he chuckled lightly before he turned to get the bartenders attention.

Mason’s eyes slid slyly up his frame, realizing through her impaired state he was extremely attractive, which sent a wave of pride through her entire body for being able to attract someone of his magnitude. He stood tall, wearing dark skinny jeans and a white fitted t-shirt with a silver chain around his neck, tucked just out of sight, and a pair of dark boots on his feet. He had perfect milky skin, a short crop of curly-ish hair on his head, and a piercing green eyes. He was beautiful. But the thing that really caught her was the sadness she saw in his eyes. Somehow it made him so much more worth it. Maybe he was there trying his hardest to forget something too. Maybe she could be the one to help him for the night the same way he could help her. Maybe they could be that for each other. 

“Ready?” He asked as he turned and smirked at her. She didn’t even realize the bartender already poured their shots. She was so focused on the enigma standing in front of her.

“Ready,” she said, quirking her eyebrow at him. The two of them quickly took the shots and eyed each other.

“You good?”

“Perfect,” she purred, feeling the alcohol rush through her veins. Her body felt numb and it was amazing.

“Wanna dance?” He asked over the thrumming of the music.

“Now,” she giggled, gripping onto his hand, leading him back out to the dance floor. 

Mason felt his strong arm wrap around her waist as she danced with her back to him. The music was so loud. She could feel the bass booming in her chest, and she loved that feeling. She also loved the feeling of his hands exploring her hips and his stubble softly scratching her shoulder as his warm breath whirred passed her ear. 

She spun in his arms, wrapping her own around his shoulders. Their eyes connected in almost a trance and she could feel her blood warm in her veins. When his lips pressed against hers, she knew she would be going home with him. She knew it the second he took it there. She was certain she might possibly do anything to end the night underneath a man like him.

“You want to go somewhere?” He breathed in her ear.

“More than anything,” she told him honestly.

It was a blur from the time they left the club, to the ride in the cab – she remembered they almost couldn’t keep their hands off one another – and then she was standing in his apartment. She was standing in a man’s apartment; a man she didn’t know; she didn’t even know his name. She was just waiting – waiting to be fucked. Waiting to be forgotten – waiting to forget.

His hands slithered up her body as his lips crashed into hers, his fingers tangling up in her long dark hair. She was already ready for him – the cab ride was enough to get her there. She wanted it to be fast and dirty and she was certain he was looking for the same. 

Her palms pushed up his t-shirt as their mouths worked over one another’s. She wanted to be naked and wanted him naked.

“Fuck, just take this off,” she growled against his mouth as she tugged on his shirt.

“Gladly,” he said with a bob of his eyebrows before he slipped it up and off before throwing it on the floor in the end.

By the time his eyes met back up with hers, her skimpy black dress was already pooled at her ankles. Her fingertips stroked down the hard muscles of his abdomen as she appreciated every tattooed inch of him that was on display for her. His entire body was long and lean, and was any girls dream.

It didn’t take long before her fast fingers worked to open his belt buckle as her mouth pressed against his, their tongues moving fluidly together. His hands palmed at her breasts through the shear fabric of her bra and it sent waves of pleasure soaring through her every time his thumbs flicked over the hardening buds of her nipples.

“Oh, _god_ ,” she groaned as her head tipped back and his lips and teeth nipped and kissed down her jawline, before sliding smoothly down her neck.

His hand dipped into the front of her panties, his fingers dipping even lower, lightly massaging her.

“Now,” she demanded, pressing her hands firmly to his chest as she pushed him backwards toward his bed.

He chuckled lightly as his body bounced against the mattress. She wasted no time, quickly pulling his jeans down his legs, before coming back up to rid him of his black boxer briefs.

“What’s a girl like you doing in a club like that all alone?” He asked, and Mason realized it was the most he ever said to her. It was the deepest conversation they had in the short time they were in each other’s presence.

“Trying to forget,” she told him truthfully. 

He didn’t ask for elaboration, or press her to spill her guts. He just looked up at her and nodded his head, like he really understood what she meant.

“Me too,” he said quietly. She almost missed it as she tugged her bra down her arms, but she caught the words as they trailed off his tongue.

Her eyes looked into his and she saw the sadness again; it hadn’t gone away. He did a great job of trying to mask it, but it was there in those green orbs. And it made her wonder if her sadness was that easy to read. But she also couldn’t help but think, _it takes one to know one_.

“Come here,” he said, gripping onto her hips as he pulled her down on the bed onto her back, leaning over the top of her to kiss her hard.

A second later he dug in his nightstand drawer and produced a condom to make their one night stand a little safer.

“I can make you forget,” he breathed as he hovered above her.

“You can try,” she challenged, and he took it.

He entered her moments later, causing her to cry out, tossing her head back against the mattress. He didn’t waste another second on making sure she was comfortable, he just went and everything seemed to fall into place – the hitch in their breathing, the sound of their skin-on-skin, the rapid beating of their hearts.

Her knees were pulled up, pressed firmly against his hips and she was clawing at the sheets wanting more and more. Her body reacted well to his break-neck speed. She watched the muscles ripple in his arms as he towered over her. She watched the way his face screwed up with pleasure. She watched what she was doing to him. He was beautiful. He was broken and it made him perfect in her eyes.

He never let up, not even when she was moaning out in ecstasy. He kept going until she plowed through a nearly body-crippling orgasm. He never slowed down, not until he too, found his end.

The challenge had been fulfilled in his favor, because in those moments, he was all she could see. The boy who made her forget.

Afterward, Mason pretended to fall asleep as they lay together in his big bed. And once she heard his breathing even out, she quietly dressed and snuck out of his apartment. She didn’t leave her number. She never even got his name. She just left, because it was never supposed to be anything more than what it was.

 

 

**September 2016**

 

“Mason!” Her friend April shrieked as she stood outside of the car. 

Mason’s body jumped with startling realization that they arrived at their destination and she needed to get out of the car, and get out of her head.

“Sorry,” Mason said quietly as she pushed open the door and slipped out onto the pavement.

“What’s going on with you?” April chuckled blithely.

“Sorry. I was just… never mind,” Mason told her as she waved her hand through the air.

“Come on. There are some people I want you to meet,” she said, smiling widely as she grabbed onto Mason’s hand and pulled her toward the nearby apartment complex.

Mason wasn’t sure why she even agreed to go to a party with April in the first place. It wasn’t like they even knew each other very well. They had only worked together for a couple months. Mason liked her though. She was always nice, even when she didn’t have to be. And she always went out of her way to try to brighten Mason’s day. She knew she didn’t deserve a friend like April, because she knew she wasn’t nearly half the friend she was, but that never stopped April from being there.

The apartment was already full of people casually partying. There was a keg in the kitchen with a five dollar per cup charge for _all-you-can-drink_ beer, which was a pretty good deal if a person liked beer. Luckily for Mason, she liked anything that lowered her inhibitions. Although at a party like this, she knew she’d never become the girl she was when she went out to the clubs. She was like a chameleon, changing herself to fit the mood and atmosphere of everyone and everything around her. There wasn’t a soul left on earth who knew the real her. She wasn’t even sure she did anymore. The girl who she was before died along with her parents.

“This is fun, right?” April asked, smiling over at her.

“Yeah,” Mason said, sending her an enthusiastic smile – at least she tried.

“Come on. My friends are in here,” she said, pulling Mason toward the living room.

“Casey!” April shrieked, throwing her arms around a pretty brunette girl.

“April!” The girl said in the same excited fashion, and Mason couldn’t help but think of how awful it was to be a girl sometimes. She never wanted to be the type of girl who couldn’t live her own life without their _B-F-F’s_ doing everything they were doing with them. Girls like April and Casey couldn’t even pee alone or make decisions without their best friend’s consent. Mason just never wanted that to be her, ever. And a part of her felt like the lifeless black hole inside of her was a gift.

“Mason, this is my best friend, Casey. Casey this is the girl I was telling you about – Mason,” April said, introducing the two girls.

“Hi,” Mason said quietly, observing the beautiful girl with silky brown hair and wide blue eyes. She was, by definition, a guy’s wet dream. She had long tan legs that held up her slender frame, and perky breasts, topped off with an overtly pretty face. She was everything Mason wasn’t, and it was hard not to feel a little self-conscious in her presence.

“Wow. It’s so nice to meet you,” Casey said exuberantly, her words already slurring as she threw her arms around Mason in a hug. Mason’s body stiffened with the contact, but it was over in an instant and April was ready to introduce her to the rest of her friends.

“Oh my god, Harry! You’re finally here!” Casey shrieked so close to Mason’s ear that she thought she might have gone deaf for a second.

“Hey, Cass,” Mason heard and turned just in time to see Casey sucking face with who she could only assume was her boyfriend.

After the initial introductions were over, Mason hung back slightly, taking large pulls off of her cup of beer, wishing she had something stronger to help her get through the night. She was stuck in a world of frat boys and cheerleaders, and it kind of made her want to slit her wrists and let all the blood drain from her veins.

“Are you having fun?” April asked, smiling at Mason again; it made her feel bad that she was worried about her. Mason nodded her head and gave her a reassuring smile.

“Good,” April said, smiling genuinely at her.

Mason’s eyes wandered over the group of people in the vicinity, wondering if she could relate to anyone. She felt alone in the crowded room – until her eyes fell upon someone who was looking back into hers with a familiar sadness. Immediately her heart sped up as she was brought back to that reckless night over one year ago. 

 _Him._  

It was him. The dark curly hair, the sad eyes. It was him. And he saw her too. His eyes didn’t look away, but she had to. 

“I’m gonna find the bathroom,” Mason whispered in April’s ear and she sent her off with a smile.

Mason snaked through the crowd as her head spiraled. His eyes haunted her dreams for over a year. She always saw them, she always ran to him, she always tried to save him, but she never could. It was the same dream over and over. He had a sadness she could never touch. Not in her dreams; not in real life.

Mason’s chest heaved as a panic attack overwhelmed her. She felt like her lungs were about to explode. And just as she found the haven of the bathroom, she felt a hand on her arm, gripping tightly as she was pushed into the bathroom, the door closing behind her.

Mason’s breathing hitched in her throat as her back hit the wall. As the lights turned on in the small room, they were nearly blinding.

“It’s you,” he breathed, and her eyes met with his again as her lungs fought to find air to breathe.


	2. Chapter Two

**January 2018**

 

_“10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!”_ The whole group chanted as they watched the New Year’s ball in Times Square drop on the television screen.

The house erupted in applause and couples all around could be seen kissing and ringing in another year together. Mason’s eyes were fixated on him – on the way he so easily faked his happiness. His lips were pressed tightly against Casey’s as she giggled against his mouth. He was going through the motions. He’d been doing it since she met him. Harry Styles was a great actor – everyone in his life thought the person he came off as was an accurate portrayal of who he really was. Mason was the only one who knew the real Harry – the sad broken man he was.

Mason slipped out of the house not long after midnight, catching a cab back to her apartment. She was never much for celebration. The only reason she was there was for him. The only reason she stayed in her circle of friends was for him. It was always for him. Because when she had him, she didn’t have to pretend. When she had him she could be herself and they could be broken together.

It was just a little past one when she received a text message from him informing her he was on his way over. It always made her wonder how he got away so easily all the time with a girl like Casey on his arm. But for an entire year he managed to meet her late at night – or in the morning, or afternoon. For an entire year they managed not to get caught by anyone. 

“How were you able to get away?” Mason asked him as they both began quickly pulling all the clothing from their bodies once he got to her place.

“She passed out not long after the ball dropped,” he explained as he pushed his jeans down his legs.

“Lucky for us,” Mason said, tossing her bra onto the floor.

They didn’t talk much – especially when they were in these situations. And they managed to say even less to each other when they were with their friends. But she still felt like she knew him better than anyone else in her life – and frankly, she didn’t know him at all. She didn’t know his dark secrets. She just knew he had them. She accepted that about him the same way he accepted hers.

Harry’s arm wrapped around the small of her back as his lips pressed firmly and hungered against hers. She was still trying to push her panties down, but he was eager. He pulled her body tightly against his before tossing her backwards onto her mattress, crawling up her nearly naked frame. He was exceptionally feisty as his lips aggressively connected with the sensitive skin of her neck; his hands unapologetically groped at her flesh. When his mouth came back up to hers, she could taste the alcohol on his tongue and she knew his inhibitions were lowered.

It never failed – Harry always got this way when he drank. It was like his life spiraled out of control when he was impaired. It made her wonder why he even did it, if it seemed like he couldn’t handle whatever was weighing him down. But then she remembered he always had her as an option to lose himself in. She was _safety_ to him.

Harry didn’t waste any time pulling off her panties with an aggressive tug – he was determined. His eyes were dark and his jaw was clenched tightly and Mason knew things weren’t satisfactory in his world.

“Rough, Harry. Give it to me rough,” she panted, knowing he needed to release some pent-up aggression. She was willing to be his outlet because he never failed her when she needed him.

It took him no time at all to thrust deeply inside of her, causing her to throw her head back as she cried out. Her fingers dug into his flesh as a sharp pain hit her hard. But as he began pumping in and out, the pain turned into a dull ache, until it just wasn’t there anymore. The faster he went, the more the pleasure built inside of her, causing her to moan loudly. Harry’s grunts were almost savage as his hands gripped onto her thighs tight enough to cause bruising. Just as she felt the makings of orgasm, Harry thrust one last time, emptying himself completely with a low groan from deep within him. Mason wasn’t even mad. It was about him – _for_ him anyway. They never played the _“I got off, now you get off”_ game. It was what it was and they were okay with it.

Harry hovered above her, his face lost from her point of view. She could hear and feel his heavy breaths whirring past her ear as he tried to control his breathing. He was worked up over something. But it wasn’t her place to ask. She was there for one thing and she did her part. 

Harry slowly pulled himself up and out of her, turning his back to her as he sat on the edge of the mattress. Mason laid there looking up at the ceiling in the silence that surrounded them. It wasn’t like she didn’t care what was bothering him – she cared too much. It was just, they had this unspoken agreement with each other and she wasn’t going to be the one to break it. She needed him too much.

Mason watched as Harry replaced his clothing one-by-one and threw on his jacket before even putting on his shoes. She sat up, ready for him to say goodnight, but he didn’t. He walked to her window, opened it, and disappearing through the small opening out onto the fire escape, shoeless.

Mason gathered up the blanket off of her bed and wrapped herself in it before she walked to the window. Harry was perched against the ladder, taking a hit off a small joint.

“Puff-puff pass, man,” Mason told him, holding out her hand as she slipped out onto the fire escape with him. Harry chuckled lightly, passing the joint to her, his eyes already heavily lidded.

“Your feet are bare,” he stated, looking down as her toes curled under in the frigid temperatures.

“It’s alright,” she said with a shrug as she sucked in a puff from the joint.

“Here. Come here,” he said, gripping onto her shoulders, maneuvering her so she could sit on the slanted ladder.

“Thank you,” she said quietly as she passed the joint back to him.

“Sure,” he said, looking off into the distance as he took another hit.

Even from where she lived, they could still hear the crowd of people screaming and cheering in Times Square. Everyone seemed to be having a better night than either one of them. 

Mason’s eyes found Harry as his own eyes trailed a police car screeching into the night down her street. She watched everything he did, wondering what set him off on this particular night. She never knew, so she was always left guessing. She knew he didn’t really love Casey – that he was just seeing her to keep up appearances. His mood could easily have been about her. Harry was an incredible actor. He had everyone fooled into thinking he was actually happy. Mason just wished she knew what it was that made him so sad.

The two of them finished the joint and Mason could feel the effects of it right away.

“Hmm…” She hummed, closing her eyes, feeling weightless. She could hear her heartbeat in her ears and she could feel the blood flowing through her veins. She felt miles away and sometimes that was what she needed.

“Are you naked under there?” Harry asked as she felt his cold hands snake into the blanket.

“Mm-hmm,” she hummed, nodding her head as she opened her eyes to see him standing in front of her so close.

She felt his hips against her knees and she automatically opened her legs for him to slip between them. His hands glided over the bare skin of her breasts, hardening her nipples immediately. His cold fingers were creating goose bumps all across her body and her craving for him grew, the need having not been satisfied before. He rarely hung around after their impromptu fucks, so it was all new to her. Maybe he just didn’t want to be alone on New Year’s.

Harry’s head tilted in and kissed her lips lightly as his hands played with her breasts. It was so intimate and so unlike him.

“I hope you know it kills me to see a girl like you so sad, Mason,” he breathed against her lips.

She didn’t know how to respond. She just blinked up at him, wishing sadness was something that could come and go. Instead she was wrapped up in it like a cocoon.

“Come on. Let me help you forget,” he offered, grabbing her hand in his.

Mason’s breathing hitched in her throat, because she never told him what he did for her that first time – and every other time they were together since. She only mentioned to him just that once that she was _trying to forget._ The fact that he recalled something like that from three years ago was an absolute mind-fuck to her, and she was in awe of him.

 


	3. Chapter Three

**January 2018**

 

“Hi, friend,” Mason heard as she wiped down the countertop at the small café where she worked.

She looked up to see April beaming a smile at her, her golden hair flowing in waves down her shoulder. She looked exceptionally perky for someone who was out of her mind hammered the night before at the New Year’s Eve party.

“Do you practice witch-craft, or what?” Mason asked dryly, throwing the rag into the sanitizing bucket.

“What?” She asked, furrowing her eyebrows and crinkling her nose in question.

“You’re not hung-over after last night?” Mason elaborated.

“ _Oh_ , I am. I totally need some coffee,” she said, widening her eyes, letting out a sigh before she giggled.

“I figured… since you’re here on your day off,” Mason told her.

“I’m meeting Casey here. She said she needed to talk to me about something,” April said, shrugging her shoulders as the bell on the door rang with Casey’s entrance.

“Speaking of the devil,” Mason mumbled under her breath as she walked to the small sink and washed her hands.

“Oh my god, Ape. I have a huge dilemma!” Casey gushed dramatically.

“What is it?” April asked her, concern in her tone.

“ _Oh_. Hi, Mason,” Casey said as her smiled faded, finally noticing her.

Casey didn’t like Mason much and Mason was certain it was because she didn’t buy into all her peppy bullshit. And she was also certain Casey really wouldn’t like her if she knew the truth about her and her boyfriend.

“Come on. Let’s get some coffee and talk,” April told Casey.

“Just grab a table. I’ll be right over to get your order,” Mason told them as she handed April a set of menus.

Mason tried to ignore them the best she could as they talked about Casey’s so-called dilemma, not far away from the front counter where she worked. But when she heard Harry’s name, it started to pique her interest. She grabbed a rag and began to wipe down tables for the sheer purpose of eavesdropping.

“I don’t know. He just seems really distant lately. Like, we… we haven’t even had sex in like two weeks,” Casey whined to April.

“Are you serious?” April gasped.

“Well, it’s not like we’ve had a whole lot of it lately anyway. He like, closes himself off and he’s just not the same person he used to be,” Casey said sadly.

“Have you asked him about it?” April chimed in. _Good luck with that_. Harry wasn’t much of a sharer – especially when it came to feelings.

Mason stopped listening and walked back to the front counter, not really too concerned with anything they were saying. Bottom line, either Harry was really slipping when it came to masking his darkness, or Casey was just finally realizing the boy she had been with for the past two years wasn’t who she thought he was.

“Hey,” April said, startling Mason out of her thoughts.

“Hey,” she said back, her eyes focusing on the blonde standing in front of her at the counter.

“Do you want to go down to Times Square with us to see the aftermath from last night? Casey just kind of needs a day out – just the girls,” April asked.

“I don’t know…” Mason began to hesitate. The last thing she wanted to do was spend a day with Casey Chase.

“Oh, come on. When’s the last time you even got out for a girls day?” April asked, pursing her lips skeptically at Mason.

“I don’t think Casey even likes me, April,” Mason told her honestly.

“What are you talking about? Come on. It’ll be fun. Who doesn’t love Times Square?” She pressed on.

“Alright, fine,” Mason told her finally.

“You get off in like twenty, right?” She asked, looking at the clock on the wall.

“Yeah,” Mason told her.

“We’ll be waiting,” April said in a sing-song tone and spun on her heels to go back to Casey. 

The thought of a girl’s day actually made Mason want to bathe in a vat of acid, but she didn’t have anything else to do and it always interested her to see Times Square after the New Year’s celebration. The fact that so many people shoved themselves into that tiny space on one of the coldest Holiday’s ever, boggled her mind. She was certain it had to take bulldozers to get the streets clean after something like that.

Less than an hour later, the three of them were walking down 42nd Street from the Port Authority Bus Terminal on their way to Times Square. Mason walked behind April and Casey as they talked and giggled. She didn’t have anything to contribute to the conversation, so she didn’t. The more and more she thought about it, the more she regretted her decision to join them. She could have been doing just about anything else. She could have been sleeping – unconscious to the world, where she actually enjoyed her life when she was able to keep the nightmares at bay.

But there she was, walking the insanely littered streets of Broadway and 7th. There were sanitation workers and garbage trucks coming and going up and down the street as people went about their day, sightseeing and whatnot. Mason was bundled in her jacket and a wool scarf and she could still feel the wind whipping through her.

“Come on. Let’s get some coffee to warm up,” April suggested with a smile as they slipped into the nearest _Starbucks._

Afterward, they went back outside to people-watch on the TKTS bleachers in the heart of Times Square. Mason’s eyes were focused on the people dressed up in random costumes who walked around asking people for money. What a job. You literally didn’t have to do anything and people gave you money to take pictures with them. Seriously, it was ingenious.

Mason was startled out of her thoughts as April let out a nearly ear-splitting screech. 

“Oh my god! Hot, it’s hot! Holy crap!” She stood on her feet, trying to cool off the lap of hot coffee she had.

“Are you okay, Ape?” Casey shrieked as her and Mason both stood to try to help her.

“ _Oooh_. Okay, okay. It’s cooling down. Holy crap,” she said as she danced a little in place.

“Hey, look at the bright side – at least your boyfriend isn’t cheating on you,” Casey snickered to April, causing Mason to choke on the gulp of hot chocolate she just took.

“W-hhat?” Mason choked out, looking at Casey wide-eyed.

“Are you okay?” April asked, looking over at Mason alarmed as she coughed and sputtered, trying to catch her breath.

“What did you just say?” Mason asked Casey again.

“Oh, Casey thinks Harry’s cheating on her,” April said, waving her hand through the air nonchalantly.

“Are you—are you serious?” Mason asked, her eyes still as wide as saucers.

“I mean, I’m sure he’s not. It’s just… a theory,” Casey shrugged, looking uncomfortable that Mason even asked.

“Why? I mean, why is it… a theory… that you have?” Mason questioned awkwardly.

“I don’t know. What do you care?” Casey spat at her, giving her an odd look.

“I-I… don’t,” Mason said quietly, backing off completely.

“I’ll go find you some napkins,” Casey told April as she disappeared across the street into the McDonald’s.

“Sorry,” April told Mason, her cheeks turning red as she apologized for her friend’s behavior.

“It’s whatever,” Mason shrugged it off as she sat back down looking off into the distance at all the people around them.

“Harry’s been really distant with her lately. And he disappeared on New Year’s Eve without a word. And he just… he seems to disappear a lot. I don’t know,” April explained, what Mason imagined was Casey theory.

“Oh,” Mason said quietly, feeling her face heat up knowing her theory was the absolute truth.

“I don’t know. Harry’s always been different though. I’ve known him a long time. He hasn’t exactly had the best life,” April told her.

“What do you mean?” Mason asked, her head turning to look at her.

“I don’t know. Shitty home life, I guess. His dad – he’s a real asshole,” April said, sitting up straighter as her eyes looked at something behind her.

Mason turned to see Casey coming back with a handful of napkins and she knew April wasn’t going to say any more on the subject – and she so badly wanted her to.

“Here,” Casey said, throwing the napkins down in April’s lap as she sat on the opposite side of her, away from Mason.

They sat in silence for a while, even after April cleaned up her spill. Mason just wanted the day to be over already. She just wanted to go home.

“I think… I think I’m gonna go,” Mason told April after a while.

“Are you sure?” She asked, looking concerned.

“I need to go too. I should probably see what Harry’s up to,” Casey said as she stood on her feet.

“Alright,” April said as the three of them got up and made their way back down the stretch toward the bus terminal.

As they headed toward their gate through the station, none of them were talking. Mason just wanted to be home. She didn’t want to have to deal with getting on the train and waiting for her turn to get off, or walking the few blocks to her apartment from the subway. Her feet were dragging with exhaustion and she didn’t have the energy in her to pull her along the floor any faster.

And then out of nowhere, her eyes focused on a figure in the near distance. Her feet instantly glued themselves to the tiled floor beneath her as fear spread through her.

“Mason… Mase? Mason!” April called out from ahead of her, trying to get her attention when she noticed she was no longer following them. But she was frozen like a statue.

Standing only fifty feet away at another bus terminal window was the one person she spent years running from; the man from her nightmares.

“Mason, what is going on with you?” April asked, suddenly appearing in front of her, gripping onto her arms, trying to get her attention. Mason was dazed. She tried to focus on April face, but her mind was spiraling.

“Mason, what—you’re scaring me,” April said, her voice laced with concern as she gently shook her with both hands. Mason’s chest began to heave as a panic attack built inside of her.

“Casey – _ohmygod_. What should I do?” April turned to her friend when she couldn’t get Mason to respond.

She heard every word she said, but she couldn’t get herself to answer. She wanted to scream at her to shut up – to not draw attention to them, but she couldn’t.

“MASON,” she heard Casey snap in her face.

“There’s a bench over there. Let’s sit her down,” April said and Mason could feel them tugging her toward it.

Then suddenly she snapped out of it – the thought of him seeing her, of him talking to her was too much to handle. She needed to run. She needed to get out of there. She ripped her arms out of their grasp, causing April to gasp.

“I-I have to go. I can’t—” Mason whimpered as she turned and began to run the opposite way, hearing them shout after her.

Mason got on the first train she could, which wasn’t the right one to bring her home. It brought her to Grand Central Station, though. And she dropped down on a bench, sitting there for what felt like hours as people went about their daily business. She felt like she was falling apart, but she knew if she went home she’d _really_ fall apart and she didn’t want that. She sat there until night crept through the terminal and the traffic died down. Then she slowly went to find the correct train that would bring her home and she got on it.

 

 

_“Don’t scream. Just don’t scream,” his voice hissed in her ears, “I won’t tell if you won’t tell.”_   

Mason awoke with a startle, her body drenched with sweat from the nightmare she just had. It was so vivid – like it was happening all over again; like she was losing control; like she was losing herself. Her heart beat wildly in her chest as she felt the tears bombard her, like they were building up in her all day. It had been a long time since she cried. It had been a long time since she felt the need to. But now, right now, she felt like she was spiraling out of control with no ground under her feet and she just couldn’t take it anymore.

She fumbled for the light on her nightstand as she carelessly grabbed for her cell phone, knocking it to the floor.

“Shit!” She cried out in frustration as her fingers knotted in her hair. 

Her chest heaved with anger as she unclenched her fingers and stretched her arms down at her sides, trying her best to calm herself down. She took a deep breath and let it out before she bent over the side of her bed and retrieved her phone. She found Harry’s name and sent him a quick text. She needed him more than ever.

 

_**Mason:** Are you alone?_

 

Since it was the middle of the night it took him a while to text back and Mason grew impatient, finding solace in pacing her bedroom floor. When her phone chimed and his name flashed across the screen, the weight on her shoulders lessened almost immediately. 

__

_**Harry:** I’m alone._

_**Mason:** I need you. I’m coming over._

She dressed and ran out of her apartment not even five minutes later, not bothering to read his reply. She didn’t need to. He knew what she needed from her texts. He wouldn’t have told her he was alone if he wasn’t available.

She felt relief seeing his apartment when she climbed the subway stairs up to the street. She was so close to getting what she needed, it was right in her grasp.

As soon as she knocked on his apartment door, it swung open like he was waiting there for her. And with a pent up aggression, she gripped onto his face and connected their lips, his hand swiping the door closed with a loud boom.

She was safe.

 


	4. Chapter Four

**February 2018**

 

_Mason’s eyes blinked open and she found herself waking up in the bedroom that used to be hers at her grandmother’s house – the bedroom that usually was the center of her nightmares._

_“No, no, no,” she whimpered as she threw her legs over the side of the bed, wanting to be anywhere but there._

_Before she could make a run for it though, the bedroom door opened, making her blood run cold because she knew what was coming next. She knew. She was stuck in the beginning of the nightmare, reliving the past – reliving reality._

_“Please, no,” she whispered as she shut her eyes tightly, praying the outcome would be different somehow._

_She didn’t even believe in God anymore, but she was brought back to the times she would pray to him in her childhood – hoping if he were real he’d hear her._

_When Mason bravely opened her eyes again to face her nightmare head on, she was surprised the outcome changed – he wasn’t there. He wasn’t there where he usually stood. He wasn’t coming for her. Her breathing shuddered in her throat as she tried to control the pounding of her heart. She took a few deep breaths and stood up, knowing she had to get out of there before he came back. She was not going to be there when he came back for her._

_She cautiously made her way to the bedroom door, making sure to check both ways for any danger. And when the coast was clear, she ran as fast as she could up the stairs and out the front door._

_It was pitch black outside and so cold, but he wasn’t coming for her, so she wasn’t scared anymore. Nothing scared her like the inside of that house, where all her demons awaited. Nothing could get her to step foot back into that world._

_“Mason,” she heard through the whipping of the wind and she turned quickly in a circle to try to see where the voice came from._

_“Who’s there?” She called out as the wind picked up, chilling her to the bone._

_“Mason!” She heard louder. It was a male’s voice, but it wasn’t the man she ran from. It was the man she ran to._

_“Harry?” She questioned._

_“Mason, where are you? Mason, I need you,” she heard his voice again and quickly began to walk toward the sound._

_“Harry, where are you?” She called out._

_“Mason, I need you,” she heard again, his voice growing louder and more frightened._

_“HARRY?” She called out louder yet as she trekked through the deep snow in her grandmother’s backyard._

_“MASON!” She heard him yell, frightening her immediately. He was in trouble and she couldn’t find him. She needed to find him._

_“HARRY, where are you? I’m coming. Where are you?” Mason cried out desperately._

_“I need you. I need you,” his voice growing fainter and fainter._

_“No! Harry, come back! I’m coming. Please,” she cried out, feeling the panic set in. Her feet moved as fast as they possibly could but she was getting nowhere._

_“HARRY!” She screamed, but she got no response._

_“HARRY!” She cried out breathlessly as she collapsed onto her knees in the freezing snow._

_He was gone. She lost him. He was gone._

 

 

Mason’s eyes opened quickly as she found herself lying on the couch in her apartment, safe and sound. The TV was on some ridiculous infomercial she wasn’t watching when she fell asleep. Her heart was still beating rapidly from the dream. It was always the same – just revised a little each time. She’d been having the same reoccurring dream since she met Harry the first time at the club. His eyes haunted her. His sad soul hung over her head for years and to this day, even as she did the best she could in real life to help him, she still had the unfulfilled nightmares.

Mason jumped as she heard the text ringtone on her phone. It was nearly one in the morning, and she could almost be certain the text was from one person in particular. She pulled herself off the couch and walked to the kitchen counter where her phone was.

It had been over a month since her near nervous breakdown; since she saw the man she’d been running from. She hardly left her apartment; even when she was left with nothing but her own self-destruction. She didn’t want to chance ever running into him on this God-forsaken island. She kept a low profile, only going out for work and being there for Harry’s needs – and occasionally her own.

 

**_Harry:_ ** _I need you now._

She knew it was urgent just by the words he texted and she knew by using the word ‘now’ there was a gnawing desperation in his message. She’d never deny Harry, ever. She’d never say no to him when she was well aware it was her on the other side of that text message many times. She knew what desperate felt like.

_**Mason:** Okay, my place or yours?_

_**Harry:** I’m in Jersey. I can’t drive. I need you to come here._

 

Mason bit her lip wondering what the hell could possibly be going on that he needed her to drive to New Jersey to sate him.

 

_**Harry:** Please Mason._

**_Mason:_ ** _Okay._

 

It took over an hour to make it to Clifton, NJ from her apartment in New York. During her drive Harry texted her specific directions to slip in the backdoor of the house through the kitchen and go directly downstairs where she would find him in the first door on the right. She wasn’t really nervous sneaking into his parent’s house. She was more nervous about what state she would find Harry in. It was not normal for either of them. They had a pretty solid routine and it never involved sneaking into childhood homes in the middle of the night.

Mason saw the light under the door and knew she reached him. When she pushed it open slowly, she found him sitting on the edge of his bed with his head in his hands. He looked up to see her standing there; his eyes so forlorn and desolate. She knew something big was plaguing him.

Mason closed the door and took a few steps in, their eyes never leaving one another’s.

“Mason,” he breathed and she watched as the dam broke; his face scrunching up with emotion.

She had never seen Harry cry. She had never seen any emotion besides sadness when they were together, but it was never a sadness like this – this was heartbreak, this was torture.

“Harry,” Mason said, taking another step forward. But she didn’t know what to do or say.

He was weeping and she was frozen solid, unaccustomed to situations like this. She learned to shut off emotions like that and she never learned how to soothe someone with those kinds of emotions.

“H-he… he’s not my father,” Harry whimpered as his face fell into his hands.

“W-what?” She stammered, the beating of her heart increasing.

“My dad – he’s not… my dad,” Harry cried, looking up into his eyes.

“ _Ohmygod_ ,” Mason gasped, her eyebrows furrowing. She was so confused. She didn’t know what to do.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Harry snarled, startling her with the anger in his tone. She noticed right away he was drunk, but even more so than she ever saw him.

“It’s their fucking anniversary – my parents. _Ugh_. He’s such a god damn bastard,” Harry growled, his frustration coming out hard.

 “Harry, what is going on?” Mason piped up, needing to understand him better. His tear-filled eyes looked up into hers.

“He was drunk and… and he’s… he’s always been abusive. But it was only ever to me. And I never understood it. He always got violent when he was drunk and he only ever took it out on me. And tonight… tonight he hit me and I… I fucking hit him back. I’m twenty-fucking-four years old. I’m not some fucking scared kid anymore. So I fucking hit him. And he… he lashed out, telling me that I was a mistake. I was my mother’s mistake. And I told him he was just a sorry piece of shit drunk and he told me… he fucking told me…” Harry explained before his emotions overwhelmed him again.

“Told you what, Harry?” Mason questioned, goose bumps overpowering her flesh as he told her about the darkness he lived in.

“He told me I wasn’t his son – that my mother cheated on him and that I wasn’t his,” Harry told her. She just watched on wide-eyed, shocked into submission.

“I’m not his child. My older sister Gemma is his. My younger brother Reese is his. But I’m not. How fucked up is that?” He explained, looking her straight in the eye.

“Has he always known?” She asked.

“It explains so much. I-I never understood what was wrong with me? What the fuck was so wrong with _me_? Why did he hate me so much? Why did he look at me differently than he did my sister and brother? Why was I so different from them? But it all makes sense. It all makes perfect fucking sense. _GOD DAMN IT!_ _”_ He bellowed as he stood quickly. Mason could feel the anger radiating off of him.

She stood motionless as she watched him walk toward the wall, his hands coming up as he started ripping the posters and pictures off of it. And when he was done with that he stomped over to his dresser and with one huge swipe, his arm swept the top of it causing everything to fly through the air before breaking and shattering across the floor. Harry was crying and freaking out and all of a sudden he was grabbing her and throwing her up against the now bare wall, his body pressed against hers, his mouth kissing hers _hard_. She could feel the makings of a fat lip, he was kissing her so hard. And his fingers were almost painfully pinching her flesh as he groped her.

She should have felt differently having just learned something so big about Harry’s life. But she didn’t feel differently about him. He was still the boy who made her forget and she was still his outlet.

“Lights,” Mason breathed between his fevered kisses and he ungracefully fumbled for the light switch, pulling both of their bodies awkwardly toward it without ever breaking the kiss.

His hand came down the wall, smacking off the light switch, recovering quickly as if nothing deterred them for even a moment as he pulled her body hard up against his. A moment later he turned and tossed her down onto the mattress. He was on top of her within seconds, his mouth reconnecting with hers as his hands worked their way up her body. His kisses weren’t delicate, his groping wasn’t gentle. He was aggressive, but she knew he had a reason to be. He was releasing all of his frustrations out on her and she was okay with that.

He didn’t leave heated kisses down her body. He didn’t bother to tease and nip her skin with his stubbly face like he usually did. He just kissed hard, as his hands worked both of their jeans down. They quickly kicked out of them and he was breaking the kiss only to rip her panties off her legs. He didn’t even bother to pull his own underwear off, he just pushed them down and pressed himself roughly inside of her. She let out a hollowed cry as the roughness brought on a sharp discomfort through her lower half.

“Oh god, Harry,” she groaned as her fingers dug into the skin of his back, but he didn’t let up. He continued and she had to bite her lip as the pain multiplied within her. He went faster and faster and she was gasping as tears pricked her eyes. 

“Stop. _Stop_ ,” she whimpered, and it broke him out of the bender he was on – his body stilling immediately.

“Mason?” He breathed, looking down into her eyes, his own filled with concerned. Her breathing was ragged as she looked back up at him.

“Are you okay?” He questioned.

“I just… can we change positions?” She asked quietly.

“Yeah. Yeah, sure,” he swallowed hard as he tried to catch his breath.

He pulled out slowly, sitting up on his knees as he threw his t-shirt over his head and kicked off his underwear.

“Me on top?” She questioned.

“Yeah, sure. Sure,” he said, nodding lightly. 

She wanted to ask him if he was okay, because just a few minutes ago he wasn’t, but she bit back the question as they quietly switched positions. When she sank down on top of him, she felt none of the pain she felt earlier and she knew she just wasn’t ready for him before. He took her by surprise after the bomb he dropped on her. 

Mason quickly built up a rhythm on top of him and she found herself moaning as pleasure engulfed her body. Harry’s hands were gripping her hips tightly as her palms rested firmly against his bare chest. They have never done much beyond missionary because they both loved the control Harry had during sex, but she was beginning to find out that with her on top, it was the most pleasurable it had ever been during sex. She was plowing through an earth shattering orgasm when Harry gripped her hips tighter and pounded upward into her. She collapsed against him, her moans muffled against his chest. When her body had completely lost its rhythm, Harry flipped her onto her back and continued, only this time there was no pain – just aftershocks that kept bringing her to her brink until she fell off the cliff again and again.

When Harry finally lost himself, he rolled off of Mason onto his back next to her in the dark. She felt completely sated for the time being, their breathing ragged and loud as they lay in the bed coming down from their highs. All she could think about was how much she enjoyed their fucked up relationship for that reason alone.

As their breathing evened out, the room fell completely silent, neither of them moving a muscle. They were just there, lost in their own heads. She didn’t know what to say. She had no idea what state his mind was in, and figured if he needed to, he could spill his guts again. She would be here.

“Mason?” Harry whispered through the darkness.

“Yeah,” she answered softly.

“Could you talk to me? Talk to me about anything. I don’t care. I just… I can’t sit here thinking about… everything. I just can’t—” He said, sounding as if he might be having a panic attack.

“Sure, Harry,” she told him, but her mind was drawing a blank having been put on the spot.

“Uhh…” She stammered, unsure of what to say.

“Anything, Mason,” he said, his voice pleading.

“Have you ever wondered why the shape of a heart doesn’t actually look like a real human heart?” She asked him, saying the first thing that came to mind. There was a pause while Harry quietly contemplated it. And of course, he surprised the hell out of her by letting out an amused snicker.

“I can’t say I’ve ever really thought about it. Why?” He chuckled through the darkness and Mason couldn’t help but smile to herself at his reaction.

“The traditional shape – I’ve heard, it actually comes from the concept of two human hearts tethered together. I don’t know whether it’s because they think that two hearts tethered together means ‘love’ or what— Frankly, I don’t believe in love,” Mason explained.

“You don’t believe in love?” Harry gasped, breaking her out of her train of thought.

“No. What proof do I have that it exists? Just because people tell me it does?” She asked, pausing for a moment, hoping Harry wouldn’t take it the wrong way. She took a deep breath before she continued.

“I don’t know. Maybe I can believe in something like unconditional love – like the love between a parent and a child. But all I know is the human race is selfish and I don’t believe we’re even capable of loving another that we’re not obligated to – you know, not for the rest of our lives. Anything can be broken. Including hearts. If someone ‘ _loved’_ someone, why would they choose to hurt them?” Mason rambled, trying to explain her view on the subject.

“You don’t believe in love between two people – like a husband and a wife?” He asked, his voice sounding disappointed.

“Mainly it’s just lust. It’s primal – the urge to procreate is what drives us to one another. And then there’s society. Society tells us in order to be happy we need to find that one person – our _soul mate_ – and live happily ever after. It just… it doesn’t happen. There is no ‘happily ever after’,” Mason finished, shrugging her shoulders.

“Hmm,” Harry hummed.

“I’m sorry,” she said quietly.

“Why are you apologizing?” He asked.

“I don’t know. Maybe you believe in love or something,” she replied, shrugging again.

“I do believe in love,” he said confidently.

“Oh,” she breathed quietly.

It got quiet between them for a few moments and she almost thought she really offended him.

“Thanks, Mason,” he said quietly.

“For what?” She asked, looking at him through the darkness.

“For talking to me. For being here. I don’t know. For everything,” he said, and it almost felt too intimate. It felt like too much, like she might suffocate. But she didn’t want to make him feel any worse than he already did.

“You’re welcome,” she whispered through the lump in her throat 

 

 

Mason woke up uncomfortable in a foreign bed with the ironclad grip of Harry’s arms wrapped around her waist as he spooned her. His face dug into the nape of her neck and the fact that they were still naked really made everything awkward to her. She never did this before. They never had a sleepover, let alone cuddled. She wanted to push him away. She wanted to run like hell all the way back to New York, but it was Harry – and as uncomfortable as she may have been, she could never do something like that to the one person who made her darkness slip away when she was with him.

Her whole body ached from being weighed down by his arms, but she didn’t want to be the one to bring him back to consciousness; to his own personal hell. But then again, it wasn’t up to her – his cell phone blaring through the stillness did it just as well as she ever could.

She felt his arm slip away from her waist as he stretched out to reach for his phone on the nightstand. 

“Hello,” he mumbled into the receiver as he clicked the phone on speaker.

“Oh, did I wake you?” They heard Casey’s voice come through the other end of the line and Mason immediately stiffened. It was too close for comfort.

“Yeah. It’s… it’s nine o’clock in the morning,” Harry grumbled after sitting up to look at the clock on the nightstand.

“I’m sorry. I was just wondering if you wanted to go out for brunch or something,” Casey said as Mason quietly pulled herself up so she was sitting with her back to Harry.

She was aware his eyes were watching her, but she didn’t care. She needed to get out of there. As she tried to pull herself up from the bed to find her clothes, Harry gripped onto her arm to stop her from moving. Her head snapped back to look at him, a slight glare in her eyes.

“I’m still in New Jersey,” he told Casey as their eyes bore into one another’s.

“Oh. You are? I thought you were just going for dinner,” she said, sounding disappointed.

“We had a little bit too much to drink and I just stayed over,” Harry said and Mason could see the sadness in his eyes as he began to recall what happened the night before. Mason felt a twinge in her chest thinking about how upset he was finding out that his father wasn’t really his father.

“Oh. Okay. When do you think you’ll be back?” Casey asked curiously.

“I don’t know,” he told her.

“Okay. Do you have an estimate?” She pressed.

“I don’t know,” he said more firmly.

“Why don’t you give me a call back later when you’ve actually woken up?” She snapped at him and quickly disconnected the phone call.

“ _Ohh_ -kay,” Harry said, tossing his phone on the nightstand again, finally letting go of Mason’s arm. She took the opportunity to get out of the bed and began dressing herself.

“Mason?” Harry called and she turned her head back to look at him.

“Thanks for last night,” he offered.

“Anytime, Harry. You know that,” she told him.

“Yeah,” he said quietly and nodded his head.

Mason replaced the clothing on her body trying to come up with a plan as to how she was going to sneak out of his parent’s house without being seen. Harry began to dress too and when she finally faced him again, they were both completely clothed.

“Is there any way I could hitch a ride back to New York?” He asked as he awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck with his hand.

“Uh, sure,” Mason breathed.

Getting out of the house was easier than she imagined. All they had to do was sneak up the staircase and slip out the back door. They could hear his parents chatter from the living room, but they were oblivious to them making their getaway.

It was weird to share time with Harry in the daylight hours – in any sort of public setting. The only time they were ever together during the day was if they were hidden away under the sheets with one another where no one in the whole world could see them. And this – this was so forbidden in the unspoken rules of their relationship.

The car ride was silent as Mason drove them through New Jersey to the boarder. They didn’t say anything until they reached the Lincoln Tunnel – and it was then she felt like she might explode if she didn’t say something.

“Harry,” she said, finally breaking the silence.

“Hmm?” He hummed, turning his head to look at her.

“Are you okay?” She asked him quietly. His eyes danced back and forth between hers as he contemplated her words.

“I don’t know yet,” he said honestly, and quietly went back to looking out the window.

Mason dropped him off outside his apartment, and besides the _thanks_ he sent her way, they didn’t speak. She watched him walk up the staircase to his door and disappear inside. She was still left feeling stunned.


	5. Chapter Five

**February 2018**

 

When Mason heard the obnoxious pounding on her apartment door, she was certain April was behind it bouncing with news she just _had_ to tell her. It wasn’t unlike her to surprise her at home with something random – usually something Mason couldn’t literally give two shits about. But it never seemed to phase her if she cared or not. Although, Mason usually didn’t let it bother her too much because April had always been such a good friend.

When the pounding became louder and longer, Mason grumbled to herself as her feet dragged across the floorboards. She wasn’t looking forward to her peppiness. She hadn’t been in the mood for much lately. She hadn’t seen Harry since the night they spent together in New Jersey, which was over a week ago. She tried her best to calm herself down whenever a panic attack rose in her chest so she didn’t have to bother him, and she seemed to be doing a pretty good job at it. Harry didn’t text and she didn’t have the nerve to ask him how he was doing. She was too scared to find out he was so far gone that even she couldn’t fix him. She knew she was a coward. But she never wanted her nightmares to become a reality. She couldn’t bear it if Harry was that unreachable.

“Mason!” She heard, and she stopped in her tracks realizing it wasn’t April at all. It was Harry.

“Mason, I know you’re in there. Your car is parked out front,” she heard him say. She took a deep breath and carried on to the door, unlocking it and pulling it open to see him standing in front of her looking distraught but relieved.

“Hey,” he sighed, his eyes roaming up and down her frame.

“Hey,” she said quietly, looking around behind him instinctively to make sure no one saw him standing outside her apartment.

“Can I come in?” He asked expectantly.

“Of course,” she said and stepped aside to let him in, closing the door behind them.

Mason watched as Harry immediately began a quick pace around her living room. He was worked up over something, almost frantic. It was the liveliest she had seen him in a long time.

“I-I talked to my mom,” he said, stopping to look at her.

“Okay,” Mason said quietly.

“About… you know… _everything_ ,” he said awkwardly, his eyes darting away for a moment, embarrassed.

“Yeah,” she whispered.

“And she told me the truth,” he explained, looking back into her eyes.

“What did she say?” Mason asked, her eyes widening with wonder.

The truth of his situation plagued her ever since that night. The situation was filled with so many missing pieces – he was so distraught when he tried to explain. And she was certain he didn’t get much out of his dad when he spat out the truth so viciously.

“I was born in New Mexico. And… and my real father was… he used to work with my… my dad,” Harry explained almost breathlessly.

“Wow,” Mason gasped.

“And… I just… I need to figure this shit out,” he said as he began to pace again.

“Figure what out?” She asked him.

“I need to… I need to find out who I am. I’ve always felt like a burden. I need to know that I’m not,” he said sadly.

“Harry, you’re not,” Mason told him, and meant it.

“I’m going to New Mexico,” he said as he stopped pacing and looked straight at her.

“What?” She choked out, feeling her life slipping apart with those five words. How did she become so dependent on him?

“I’m going to New Mexico and I’m going to find my father,” he explained.

“Wow. _Holy shit_ ,” she breathed as _she too_ began nervously pacing, trying to push back the panic attack that was building in her chest.

“Mason, I want you to come with me,” he blurted out, and she stopped in her tracks staring at him, her mouth dropping open with surprise.

“I want you to come,” he told me again.

“What? Harry… no,” she immediately protested, shaking her head at the absurdity of his request.

“No, Mason. I _need_ you to come. I… I need you. I can’t do this by myself. I can’t go there by myself. I need you,” he spoke fast and frantically as his feet began to carry him back and forth across the floor of her apartment, and she knew he might be falling apart.

“Harry,” Mason said firmly. He stopped pacing and looked up into her eyes.

“I need you to come with me, Mason,” he said again, his voice and his eyes pleading with her. And she knew she couldn’t say no.

“Alright,” she agreed quietly. She was certain she hadn’t thought it through – but she couldn’t help but be affected by the desperation in his plea. 

“Now,” he said after a few moments.

“Now!?” She gasped, looking at him incredulously.

“I have to go now, Mason. I have to,” he told her, looking as if his panic attack was about to return.

“Harry, I have a job. I have responsibilities,” she told him, feeling completely overwhelmed.

“Can’t you tell them it’s an emergency? Couldn’t you tell them it’s an emergency and you’ll be back? You could take a leave,” he suggested, his voice pleading with her.

“Harry,” she said hesitantly, shaking her head lightly. She had no idea how it was going to work.

“ _Please_ , Mason,” he begged. She stared at him for a moment or two longer before she felt all her walls cave.

“Fine,” she nodded, agreeing to it all. 

Harry took a large step toward her, gripping her face in his hands as he pressed a hardened kiss to her lips.

“I borrowed my brother’s car,” he told her.

“We’re driving?” She gasped.

“Haven’t you always wanted to go on a cross-country road trip? Just get away from everything?” He asked with a smirk tugging up his lips. There was a light in his eyes she never saw before. He was excited.

“Just get away, huh?” She asked as she thought about how she always daydreamed of running away from the shit storm of her life.

“Just get away,” he repeated.

“Alright,” she nodded, finally sold on the idea.

“Thank you,” he said seriously and all Mason could do was nod, feeling completely shell-shocked at what they were about to do.

It took Mason less than thirty minutes to pack and call the café to request her emergency leave. Luckily her boss liked her because she worked like a race horse for her, so she excused her for the rest of her shifts that week and told her to give her a call when she was ready to come back to work.

“Harry… what are we going to say to our friends, _to Casey_ when they realize we’re both gone?” Mason asked after they got into the car, before he pulled away from the curb.

“I don’t know. I don’t really care,” he said, shrugging his shoulders passively.

“You don’t care that Casey will chop your balls off the next time she sees you?” Mason asked him incredulously. His girlfriend was a straight up banshee.

“I don’t care. I don’t care what she says or does. It doesn’t matter anymore,” Harry said, shaking his head as he gripped tightly onto the steering wheel.

“Does _she_ know that?” She choked out.

“I don’t care,” he said again.

“ _Ohh-_ kay,” Mason muttered, knowing this impromptu road trip was going to come back and bite them both in the ass. _Hard_.

There wasn’t much spoken during the two hours it took to make it out of New Jersey into Pennsylvania, where they stopped for gas. Mason didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know how to carry on a conversation with him – not when they spent the past two years fucking instead of conversing. She wasn’t used to this kind of closeness with him. At least the silence didn’t seem to affect him any. It was peaceful. They were both content – and that was saying a lot, being the people they were.

Mason stood outside the gas station eating a small bag of chips as she waited for Harry to finish up in the bathroom. All she really wanted to do was change into sweat pants and put her hair up into a messy ponytail. It really didn’t matter how Harry saw her because she knew he already saw her at her worst.

“Hey,” she heard Harry say. Her head snapped in his direction, not realizing he came out of the bathroom.

“Hey,” she replied, swallowing hard as her eyes danced over his body. He changed into a black _North Face_ zip-up and a pair of black sweat pants with a grey beanie on his head. And she couldn’t help but notice how utterly attractive he was so dressed down.

“Here,” he said, handing her the large block of wood the gas station bathroom key hung off of.

“Thanks,” she said quietly, giving him a small awkward smile as she grabbed her bag off the ground and headed toward the bathroom.

Once she was safely locked away inside, she took a deep breath and let it out as she looked at herself in the mirror. Her face was flush and she felt like an idiot. She wasn’t used to this. She wasn’t used to sharing that much confined space with another human being. It felt weird, and made her act weird. And she hated it, but didn’t at the same time. Her mind was always so conflicted – especially when it came to Harry.

Mason pulled off all of her clothes and replaced them with new ones – grey sweatpants and a red New York Giants hoodie that used to be her father’s. Without combing through her hair, she gathered it all up on the top of her head and knotted it up with a hair binder. It looked ridiculous, but she didn’t care because it helped her feel comfortable. That was until she came out of the bathroom to find Harry leaning against the car smirking at her. 

“What?” She spat at him.

“Nothing,” he said, shrugging his shoulders as his eyes wander up her frame.

“Don’t judge me,” she huffed, but couldn’t help the smirk that turned up her lips.

“No judgment. You look good,” he said, smiling at her as he gripped the handle of the driver side door and opened it, watching her walk around the car.

“Whatever,” she said, rolling her eyes at him, opening her own door and getting in.

“So, I figure we can just drive until we get tired and then just stop at a hotel or something,” Harry said with a shrug as he started up the car.

“Sounds good,” she complied, nodding her head.

The rest of the drive that day was less silent – but that was because they filled it with music. They switched between their iPod’s because they didn’t really have the same taste in music – which was okay with both of them. He put up with her heavy doses of pop-punk and angsty screamo music, and she put up with his hip-hop and mellow-dramatic radio friendly music. And sometimes their tastes would collide and they found they were both singing along.

 _“’Today is gonna be the day that they’re gonna throw it back to you. By now, you should’ve somehow realized what you gotta do. I don’t believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now,’”_ both Harry and Mason began to sing _Wonderwall_ by Oasis.

Harry broke out laughing as Mason bit her lip, trying to push back her smile, her cheeks heating up with embarrassment.

“This song is so good,” Harry said, smiling over at her.

“It is,” she agreed with a nod, looking away from him onto the road ahead.

 _“’There are many things that I would like to say to you, but I don’t know how. Because maybe, you’re gonna be the one that saves me. And after all, you’re my wonderwall,’”_ Harry sang, loud and to the point of being referred to as obnoxious, but Mason couldn’t help but find his voice beautiful. She focused on that instead of the actual lyrics he was singing, because that just made everything awkward.

Harry continued to sing the song and Mason continued to laugh awkwardly at him as she sang quietly to herself. She couldn’t help but notice how carefree he seemed, like he wasn’t the same boy she was around for the past two years. She slowly started to wonder if finding out his true identity was what was _actually_ going to save him from his sadness in the end. 

By the time they hit Knoxville, Tennessee, it was nearly midnight and they were both beat from the long spontaneous drive, so Harry pull off the road to get a hotel room. Not much was said as they settled in. There was only one queen sized bed, but it was nothing they hadn’t dealt with before. Only this time it was completely different. This time they were in a bed with a purpose to sleep, not fuck. As Mason curled up on her side of the bed, the light from the TV making awkward patterns on the wall in the darkness, she felt all wrong.

 

 

 

_“Mason?” She heard Harry’s voice echo in her head._

_“Harry?” She called back, confused._

_It was warm. She was definitely warm. The climate change was baffling to her, because wasn’t it the middle of February? Wasn’t it supposed to be frigid ass cold outside? But she could feel her bare feet against the pavement as she ran down the deserted highway. The ground was warm._

_“Mason? Where are you?” She heard again, breaking her out of her thoughts._

_“HARRY!” She called, knowing where this was leading. She could feel the panic weighing her down already._

_“Mason, I need you,” he said firmly, his voice ragged and aggravated._

_“I’m coming, Harry. I promise!” Mason shouted through the darkness as her feet picked up their pace on the winding pitch black road. She could barely see two feet in front of her through the darkness, but she kept running._

_“’Maybeeeeee, you’re gonna be the one that saaaaaves meeeeee. And after alllllllll, you’re my wonderwallllll,’” she heard Harry singing in the distance, and she knew he was singing those words for her._

_“God damn it. God damn it!” Mason growled in frustration as her feet slowed on the pavement and she doubled over with her hands pressed against her knees, trying to catch her breath._

_“Why do you make it so hard to catch you!?” Mason yelled into the darkness._

_“MASON!” Harry screamed._

Mason’s eyes opened wide, before she blinked to try to clear away the blurriness. It was morning and she was lying in the hotel bed alone, the blankets and her sweats cocooning her into a heated embrace. She threw off the covers quickly and sat up, rubbing her hands across her face, feeling unsatisfied with her sleep because of the dream she just awoke from.

When she looked up, she saw Harry sitting in the chair across the room from her with his face in his hands. When she saw his hands fiercely swipe through his hair a few times, she knew he wasn’t okay.

“Harry?” She cooed as she stood up from the bed, quickly making her way over to him.

He turned around to see she woke up, and she saw the redness in his eyes – he was crying.

“Harry,” Mason sighed as she reached his side.

“God damn it,” he groaned, wiping at his eyes, trying to hide his emotion from her.

“Harry, come here,” she said, gripping onto his arm as she helped him out of the chair.

“Mason,” he croaked, looking into her eyes.

“Just—” She said, her voice faltering. She pulled her sweatshirt off of her body and dropped her sweatpants to the floor, offering herself up to him.

“Come on,” she told him, leading him to the bed, ready to help him in the only way she knew how.

Her methods must have appeased him because he gripped onto her tightly and tossed her down onto the bed before he slithered up her body, capturing her lips with his own. His moves were fast and heated, and it made her feel better about the night they just spent _not_ doing this. 

The rest of their clothing was shed quickly before he pushed inside causing her to gasp. His thrusts were unrivaled; his aggression on a whole new level, but this time she was ready for him. This time she could be what he needed – for now. He didn’t last long, which was fine with her. But even so, they were both left fighting for breath by the end.

Harry didn’t say anything afterward. He just got up from the bed and went to the bathroom. After a while she heard the shower start up, and she hoped he’d be okay. Even after they were both showered and ready to get back on the road, there still wasn’t much said between them. And once they hit the highway, the silence was so deafening that Mason almost wanted to scream. 

“Harry, are you okay?” She finally asked. He looked over at her for a few moments before he nodded lightly.

“I just had a rough morning. I panicked,” he admitted.

“Over what?” She asked, almost feeling like she was stepping out of bounds with her questioning.

“About the answers I’ll find once we reach New Mexico,” he said quietly as he stared out onto the road ahead.

“I’m sure everything will be fine,” she said and hoped like hell it would be.

Harry looked over at her with a stupid smirk on his face and all she could do was furrow her eyebrows at him in question.

“Optimism looks good on you,” he said, letting out a light chuckle. She could do nothing but smile embarrassedly and roll her eyes at him.

 


	6. Chapter Six

**February 2018**

 

Mason was standing in line at a McDonald’s in Little Rock when her phone rang in her pocket. It was the first time it rang since they left New York – which was really not that uncommon since she didn’t have many friends or family left. Halfway through the first day, Harry had to shut off his phone because Casey called so many times – which also was not that uncommon.

“Hello?” Mason breathed into the receiver after seeing it was someone calling from the café. She figured it was her boss, so she answered right away.

“Mason?” She heard April’s voice on the other end of the line.

“April?” Mason questioned right back.

“What is going on?” She asked immediately.

“Wh-what do you mean?” Mason asked, looking around for Harry, but he was still in the bathroom.

“I came into work today and Janice asked me if I would take some of your shifts over the next week because apparently you took an emergency leave of absence. What is going on, Mason?” April asked quickly.

“I just needed to… take some time…” Mason said quietly, being vague on purpose.

“What does that mean?” She asked sounding pushy, but Mason figured it must be what it was like to have someone care about her.

“I don’t know,” Mason breathed, shrugging her shoulders, her eyes scanning the crowd of people in front of her.

“Everyone is just disappearing,” April scoffed into the receiver.

“What do you mean?” Mason asked quietly.

“Well, Casey is literally freaking out because she hasn’t been able to get ahold of Harry in like two days,” April told her, changing the subject, not bothering to ask for elaboration on why she could possibly need time off.

“Hey, Mase. Have you ordered yet?” Harry asked as he came up beside her.

Mason looked at him with wide eyes and shook her head slowly, pointing at the phone on her ear. His mouth dropped into an ‘O’ as his eyes widened too. 

“What the hell? Is that Harry with you?” April spat. God damn Harry for having such a deep, unique voice.

“What?” Mason choked out, trying to figure out a way to deny it, but she was never really good at things like that.

“I just heard Harry. Are you with him, Mason?” April pressed on.

“I can’t really explain right now, April,” Mason breathed into the receiver.

“What the hell are you doing with Harry!?” She started to freak out. All Mason could do was stay silent because she was literally the worst person to explain anything. It wasn’t her place. This was Harry’s trip.

“Where are you!?” She asked quickly.

“Little Rock,” Mason said quietly and watched as Harry sighed, shaking his head. She felt bad immediately for telling April, but she was a terrible liar when she was put on the spot.

“ARKANSAS!?” She bellowed into the phone.

“Yeah,” Mason answered, nodding her head lightly.

“What—how—do you two even know each other? What is going on?” She pressed, sounding so confused.

“It’s complicated,” Mason said truthfully.

“Well, _un_ -complicate it. Because my best friend is freaking out because her boyfriend is MIA and it turns out, for some reason, he has gone off the grid with you. Please, tell me what is going on,” April snapped, her voice getting shriller and shriller as she spoke.

“Harry and I met a long time ago – long before you and I became friends, long before he even started dating Casey. We have a complicated… _friendship_ ,” Mason admitted, and noticed Harry standing to the side of her waving his hands through the air to get her to stop talking.

“You… _know_ each other?” April questioned. Mason’s whole stomach was tied in knots and it made her want to vomit.

“April, I can’t talk. I have to go,” Mason told her quickly as she looked back up to see Harry staring at her wide-eyed and impatiently.

“No, Mason! NO!” She heard April shout as she pulled the phone away from her ear and ended the phone call.

“What the hell, Mason?” Harry sighed.

“I-I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what to say. I’m not good at this!” Mason told him, waving her phone at him as it started ringing with another call from April.

“Decline it!” He said quickly. Mason did almost immediately.

“ _Gahhh_ ,” she growled.

“Well, I guess there’s not a lot we can do about it now,” he said with a sigh.

“I’m sorry,” she told him, feeling utterly terrible.

“It’s fine. Why don’t you get us our food and meet me in the car?” Harry offered, digging his hands into his pockets, looking unbelievably stressed.

“Okay,” she said quietly, feeling as if she made a huge mistake and really messed things up. 

They ate in silence as Harry drove. If things were tight-lipped between them before, then she didn’t even know how to describe it now. She felt all alone as she sat next to him.

They stopped at a hotel in Dallas, Texas just as the sun was setting, casting hues of orange and pink as far as the eye could see. It was rather beautiful, but all Mason could feel was melancholy over their situation. Harry wasn’t saying much and she took it as a sign that he was mad at her, and it made her feel ten times worse.

After she brought her bag into the hotel room and noticed how Harry didn’t follow her in, she went out to look for him. She found him sitting on the parking block right behind the car, smoking a joint, in typical Harry fashion.

“Hey,” he said, coughing out a mouthful of smoke as he saw her approach.

“Hey,” she said quietly.

“Want some?” He offered, holding up the joint.

“Sure,” she said, grabbing it from his fingers as she sat down next to him. She took a hit off it before handing it back.

They were still pretty quiet with one another as they sat smoking. She didn’t know what to say to him. She never really did anymore – or ever. They were both shut off to the outside world, having to shut off their cell phones after Mason received a heated message from Casey wondering why the hell she was with her boyfriend. She felt like she was causing a bigger mess in Harry’s life, when all she wanted to do was help him.

“Do you ever think that maybe someday we might not be sad anymore – that we might just give up on being the way that we are?” Harry asked as he looked out onto the horizon.

_Just give up?_ Mason didn’t know if it was that easy. Her kind of _giving up_ was a lot closer to death than it ever was to living a full life. 

“I mean, I’ve spent almost my whole life feeling sad. When is it my turn to feel happy and wanted and loved? When is it _our_ turn?” Harry asked, turning his head to look at Mason, his eyes red from the pot he just smoked.

Mason’s head swirled with his questions. This road trip was bringing out a side of him she had never seen and she was certain it had more to do with finding out his true identity than anything. Could Harry be fixed? Would it be that easy for him?

“I don’t know,” she managed to croak.

“I’d like to be happy someday,” he said, sounding hopeful, looking out across the horizon as the sun dipped almost completely behind it.

“I’ve always wondered if _happy_ is actually a reality. I mean, I—maybe when we were kids it was easier to imagine a life where everything happens the way you want it to. I mean, sure there could be shit storms, but in the end, we all just want to be happy – so be fucking happy, right? But it’s just… it’s not that way for a lot of people. I’m not even sure it exists, Harry,” she told him, shaking her head sadly.

Harry’s eyes watched her, taking in all of her words. She could tell he wanted to reply but he was holding back.

“What?” She questioned, feeling self-conscious as she looked at him.

“What happened to you?” He breathed quietly, asking the question for the first time in all the time they were doing what they were doing with each other.

It wasn’t an accusation. His question was filled with genuine desire of a real honest answer – to know her better; to know what she went through to get to this point. 

Mason looked up into his wondering, concerned eyes and she felt completely terrified. When did they become people who shared those sorts of things? When was the turning point where she and Harry could actually start calling each other ‘friend’? But she knew the answer. It was the night in Harry’s childhood bedroom, the night Harry found out his father wasn’t really his father. Something changed between them that night. She was brought into his world – his _whole_ world. They both changed that night – maybe for the better. She wasn’t sure.

“Do you trust me, Mase?” Harry asked. Mason stared back into his eyes feeling shell-shocked.

“You can tell me and I will help you. I want to help you. Please trust me,” Harry told her, sounding honest and it scared her.

She took a deep breath as she felt the anxiety build in her chest. She didn’t go around sharing her life details with people. She didn’t share them with _anyone_. No one knew what she went through behind closed doors. She didn’t trust anyone to know – not until now.

“I was eighteen when my parents died in a car accident,” she began and noticed Harry’s eyes widened in surprised before evening out again.

“I was only eighteen and I was far too young to have to let them go,” she explained, looking away from him. She couldn’t look at him while she bared herself to him.

“I’m sorry,” he offered.

“My father didn’t have any siblings and both of his parents died young, so after the funeral, I went to live with my grandmother on my mother’s side. My mom’s twenty-eight-year-old brother Brian also lived at the house, having never flown from the nest after college, I guess. It was the three of us in the big old house, but I felt nothing but lonely and empty every second of every day,” Mason recounted, feeling the heartbreak in her chest as she spoke.

“My way of coping with the loss was to do everything I could to keep it off my mind – I was the master of deflection. When one of my friends scored us a couple of fake ID’s, I started partying a lot. We would go to the bars and clubs, partying until the morning sometimes – anything so I wouldn’t feel the pain. That’s where I met you – do you remember?” Mason added, looking up at him as he contently watched her. Harry nodded his head in response.

“But that was after… after it happened,” she said quietly as she plucked a few pieces of long grass out of the ground and played with them in her fingers.

“After what happened?” He asked lowly. Mason could feel his eyes on her, but she couldn’t look at him.

She took in a deep breath as she felt the tears prick the back of her eyes. She never talked about this. _Never_. Not to anyone. _Ever_. She felt shame over it. She felt the worst kind of crippling shame over it because she was weak. She wasn’t strong enough to prevent it, and it was a stigma she wasn’t comfortable living with.

“Mason, you can trust me,” Harry said, coaxing her to continue.

“I came home drunk one night. I drove my grandmother’s car home drunk. And I knew I shouldn’t have. I knew it was a stupid idea, but I did it anyway. And I made it home without killing myself or someone else, so I chocked it up as a win. _Yay, I got away with it_. But as I was getting ready for bed my door creaked open and there was… there was my uncle standing there watching me. I freaked out and told him to get the hell out. But he brought up the fact that I drove my grandmother’s car home drunk and it made me shut the hell up fast. Like, I did not need my grandmother on my ass about that. She’d never let me drive it again. But Brian was always cool and told me he wouldn’t tell her. So I was like, _cool._ _Got away with it again_. And like, I thought he went away, I thought I was in the clear, so I went back to getting ready for bed and… and suddenly he was behind me. I could smell the alcohol on him, even in my own impaired state,” Mason explained, stopping to take a deep breath.

“When his hand swiped up my bare arm, I took a big step back, which knocked me onto the mattress. I mean, I was drunk. I don’t know. Fuck. I just… _gahhh_ ,” she grumbled, dropping her forehead into her hands briefly as she took another deep breath.

“You’re okay, Mason,” Harry reminded her in a soothing tone.

“He was just there. And… and then he was on top of me, holding me down. And… and I-I couldn’t scream because my grandma wouldn’t have heard me anyway because my bedroom was in the basement,” she explained as tears stung her eyes. Her breathing was so fast she was almost hyperventilating as she relived a nightmare she tried to bury for so long. She felt Harry’s hand rub her back and she immediately jumped from the contact.

“Mason, you’re okay,” Harry said, trying to comfort her.

“I’m not. I’m not,” she said, shaking her head as she cried, wiping the back of her hand across her runny nose.

“You are. You’re safe,” he cooed.

“It was the first time I ever… he took it,” she cried, pressing the heels of her palms into her eyes.

“You were a virgin?” Harry asked softly.

“Yes. And… and I’ll never—I have nightmares… all the time. I can’t stop living with this. I should have done something. I should have been stronger,” she cried, her voice raising with her anger.

“It’s okay, Mason. It’s not your fault,” Harry told her evenly, his hand rubbing her back once again.

“He kept telling me he’d keep my secret if I didn’t say anything about what we did. He made it sound like I wanted it,” she said, letting out a dark chuckle.

“It’s not your fault,” Harry said again.

“And like driving drunk even compares to something like that. Fucking _asshole,_ ” she spat, feeling the anger well inside of her over what her uncle did to her.

She paused for a few moments to wipe away her tears and to take a few breaths. She was a mess, but she kept telling herself that it was what Harry asked for. He wanted the truth.

“It wasn’t long after, maybe a few days, that he showed up in my doorway again – drunk. And he tried again. He tried. But I fought him off and ran like hell,” Mason continued, wiping frantically at her eyes as the tears kept coming.

“ _Jesus_ ,” Harry breathed lowly.

“The next night, I took a half a bottle of my grandmother’s _Vicodin_ and ended up in the hospital for a week,” she said, finally confessing her lowest point.

“Oh my god,” Harry gasped.

“I couldn’t deal. I wanted out,” she told him, feeling her cheeks heat up with embarrassment.

“And now?” Harry asked, sounding almost breathless.

“I’m better. Not as desperate. But still not okay. I moved out not long after and I haven’t been back since. I only visit my grandmother outside of that house. I won’t go back,” Mason told him as she shook her head.

“Yeah,” Harry breathed, nodding lightly.

“I saw him a few weeks ago – my uncle. I saw him at the _bus terminal by Times Square_ when I was with April and Casey. It was the night I came to your apartment completely a wreck,” Mason explained as she worked up the courage to look over at him again.

“Casey told me you ran from them,” Harry said quietly, nodding in response.

“I ran from _him_ ,” Mason corrected him.

“I understand,” Harry told her.

“I just… I can’t go back. I can’t,” she cried, dropping her head into her hands.

“Mason,” Harry cooed, but she didn’t look up.

“Mason, come on,” Harry said, gripping her arm lightly. She finally looked up to see he was standing in front of her.

“Come on. Let’s go inside,” he offered as he helped her up.

“Come here,” he said, holding out his arms. She greedily took his embrace, burying her face into his neck as she cried.

“Come on,” he said, wrapping his arm around her shoulder. Mason kept her face buried in his shirt as they walked back to the hotel room.

“Come on, Mase,” he said as he pulled back the covers on the bed for her to get in and she followed his instructions, sliding inside the blanket’s embrace.

“You’re going to be okay,” he told her as he pulled the blanket over her body. 

And then he turned to walk toward the door of the hotel room, most likely to retrieve his own bag from the car. But she couldn’t bear for him to go. She didn’t want to be alone, even if it was only for a few minutes.

“Don’t go. Please, Harry. I just… I need you like before. Like always,” she told him desperately. She needed him to consume her, make her feel. She needed something only he could give her.

“Mason, are you sure?” He asked, his eyebrows furrowing with concern as he looked back at her. 

She quickly sat up in the bed, looking at him incredulously as the anger bubbled up inside of her. 

“Just because you know about me now, that doesn’t give you the right—don’t treat me like I’m some delicate fucking flower. Just— _fuck_ , Harry,” Mason growled at him, feeling angry that things already changed between them. She wanted him like before. She _needed_ him.

“Mason. Mason, just calm down,” Harry told her as he walked back toward the bed.

“Just don’t fucking do that! This doesn’t change anything, _God damn it_. I trusted you,” she whimpered as she felt another wave of tears breaking through.

Harry’s lips crashed into hers as his hands gripped her face and he pressed forward on top of her, his body weighing her down. Their mouths moved hungrily over one another’s as Harry’s hand swiped away the blankets so the only thing between them was their clothing. His hips pressed against hers as her legs accommodated his body between them, arching her lower back so she could feel as much of him as possible. She wanted him so bad. She needed him even worse. His hands grasped greedily at her body, tugging up her shirt, working down her sweatpants. He wanted them to be skin-on-skin just as badly as she did.

“ _Oh, God_ ,” Mason groaned as his mouth moved down her throat.

She could still feel the wetness of the tears on her face, but she wasn’t crying anymore. She hadn’t cried that much in a long time. Once it started the dam broke. But, Harry was building it back up, keeping her emotions at bay. All she felt were the endorphins that ran through her as the excitement and pleasure engulfed her. 

Harry pulled up long enough to rip his shirt over his head, before his lips were back on hers, kissing her hard. She could feel the prickling of his whiskers as they stung her lips. 

“Come on,” Mason purred as her hands moved up between them and began to unbuckle his belt. 

He pulled up again, allowing her space to work him out of his ultra-skinny jeans. She managed to get his belt undone before she ripped open the button and zipper of his pants. His lips came down kissing her bare stomach as he worked her shirt farther up her abdomen. And then his mouth was gone and so was he as he stood up from the bed, kicking out of his boots and pushing down his jeans. She watched him the whole time, waiting for him to come back. But instead, he gripped onto her ankles with a smirk on his face, pulling her down to the end of the bed so her legs were pulled up against his hips, her ass nearly hanging off the mattress. His fingers gripped onto the waist band of her sweatpants and tugged them down and off of her before he did the same with her panties.

“I can be what you need, Mason. But just know I will never hurt you,” he spoke evenly.

“Just… don’t talk,” she told him, waving her hand quickly through the air. It was too much. His words made her uncomfortable because they were too intimate. She didn’t need him saying things like that to her. She didn’t need him reassuring her. She just didn’t need it. She didn’t want their relationship to change.

Harry bent forward, kissing her hard again before he pulled off his boxer briefs and pressed forward against her, pushing inside. Mason let out a shaky breath as he completely pressed inside, filling her up. Harry gripped onto her thighs as he pulled almost completely out of her before he slammed back in. _Yes. That was exactly what she needed_ _._

Harry built up his rhythm just the way Mason liked it – fast and straight to the point. She was gasping and moaning on the mattress as he hovered above her, giving her the fucking of her life. It could have been because her body was already so stimulated from her confession, but even after just a short time, she could feel her body working up to its climax. And she was glad.

Her breaths came out in gasps as her fingers grasped tightly to the edge of the mattress. Harry’s body was working fast and hard to bring her over the edge, overpowering her completely. And the sound of his low grunts were so sexual and so enthralling that they were only helping her along.

“Oh, _fuck_ , Harry. _Ohmygod_ ,” Mason groaned as she felt it build to its peak inside of her.

And with a low groan, she was erupting with a body shaking orgasm that Harry just kept on plowing through. He wasn’t far behind her as his thrusts became more labored and his breathing caught in his throat. Mason watched as his head tilted back, his mouth falling open as a satisfied groan escaped from his lips.

Afterward, his body fell forward, his long arms entrapping her as he tried to catch his breath. She wasn’t quite sure if either of them were good for anything else in the world – but _god damn_ , they were sure good at that.

“Thank you,” Mason told him honestly as she swiped the hair away from his sweaty forehead.

“Anytime,” he said breathlessly and somehow she knew he meant it.

She finally felt like she truly had someone who was there for her when she needed them. Harry had always been there for her and she was just finally realizing she could put her trust in him fully. He wasn’t going to leave her and he wasn’t going to turn on her. He was just _there_.


	7. Chapter Seven

**February 2018**

 

_Mason’s breathing was heavy, her legs felt weak. She didn’t think she could do this again. She didn’t think she could go on this endless journey to try and find Harry when she knew the outcome. Even in her nightmares, she knew she was in a nightmare. But despite that, she could never wake herself up. She wouldn’t even know where to begin._

_“Mason. Mason, you’re not trying very hard. I’m right here,” she heard Harry’s bored voice as she slowed on her feet._

_She spun quickly in a circle, confused on where the voice came from. And in a split second the scenery changed in her mind. She was suddenly standing on a crowded street, people walking all around her._

_“Harry?” She called._

_“Mason. Mason. Mason,” his voice echoing in her ears, taunting her._

_“Harry?” She asked, gripping onto the shoulder of a man resembling him from behind._

_The man, who wasn’t Harry, turned and looked at her with a look of disgust before shrugging her off._

_“Mason!” Harry snapped loudly, and she went to grab another man by the arm and spun him around, but it wasn’t Harry either._

_“WHERE ARE YOU!?” She yelled, frustrated that every man she approached wasn’t him._

_“FIND ME!” He yelled and it echoed in her skull, knocking the wind out of her with his anger._

_When she looked up, her eyes met with a pair of blue eyes. They were exactly like her mothers, but they weren’t her mothers._

_“No, no, no,” she whimpered seeing the man of her nightmares standing just a short distance from her. His eyes were piercing through her. Suddenly, without warning, the street was empty – it was just the two of them._

_“Find me,” she watched his mouth move, but it wasn’t his voice, it was Harry’s._

_“It was you, all along?” She whimpered as her heart crushed in her chest, a single tear sliding down her cheek._

_“Mason,” he breathed, and it was the slithery seductive-like voice of her uncle. Mason’s skin crawled as her breathing shuddered in her throat._

_“He doesn’t love you. No one will ever love you,” Brian’s voice taunted her cruelly. Her uncle wasn’t an evil man in real life, just mixed-up. But in her nightmares, his tone was always murderous, vengeful even._

_“Harry, where are you?” Mason asked quietly, hoping_ _Brian_ _wouldn’t hear her._

_“He’s not here, Mason. Are you that naïve? Who could ever love a girl who can’t seem to love herself?” Brian taunted menacingly._

_“Harry, please,” she whimpered, closing her eyes tightly, trying to feel his presence. She needed him to save her. She needed him like always. She needed him now more than ever._

_“It’s too late for you,” she heard and her eyes burst open, just as Brian tugged at her, causing her to fall._

_She screamed, but she just kept falling, falling, falling…_

“Mason! Mason, wake up! WAKE UP!” Harry yelped, gripping onto her arms, trying to get her to still – to stop thrashing outwardly.

“Mason, it’s me. It’s me,” Harry’s voice lowered from panicked to soothing as her body stilled and her eyes finally opened. Her chest heaved as she tried to catch her breath, dragging precious air into her lungs.

“Mason, it’s me,” his voice nearing a whisper, his own breathing out of control as he sat upright next to her, looking down into her wild eyes.

“Harry,” she breathed, barely audible as she realized she was broken out of her nightmare.

“ _Jesus_ —” He sighed, running a hand through his unruly hair.

“I’m sorry,” she croaked as she sat up, swinging her legs over the side of the bed. As she did, she noticed she was still naked from the sex she and Harry had before they fell asleep.

“Are you okay?” He asked, concerned.

“Just a nightmare,” she murmured, wiping her hands down her face, still reeling from the imaginary images she just lived through.

“About him?” He questioned carefully.

“Mm,” she hummed in quiet affirmation.

“You’re okay now,” Harry tried to reassure her as he reached out and touched her shoulder blade. But it only caused her to flinch from his touch and retreat backward like a wounded animal.

“You’re okay, Mason,” Harry reassured her, but didn’t try to touch her again.

“I need water,” she spoke quietly as she stood on her feet and walked quickly toward the bathroom on her tip-toes, closing the door behind her.

The light was harsh on her eyes, the coolness of the tile cold on her feet. But she didn’t care. She felt like she was suffocating in the darkness that surrounded her out there, with him. She quietly slid her back down the door and sat down on the frigidly cold tiles, her body shivering – maybe from cold, maybe from the nightmare, maybe from both. It didn’t matter. All that mattered as she pulled her legs up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them was the emptiness she felt in her heart.

She didn’t know how long she sat there dazed out of her mind. She was only brought back to reality by a soft knock at the bathroom door.

“Mason, are you okay?” She heard Harry’s voice through the door. When she didn’t answer, his voice became panicked.

“Mason, I’m coming in,” he said louder. She didn’t think to lock the door, so when the door moved against her back, it startled her.

She slid away from it and let him open it fully. She was still naked, and she was shivering, and she probably looked pathetic. But she didn’t have a need to be bothered by it.

“Mason,” Harry gasped, finding her nearly lifeless on the floor, except for the chattering of her teeth and the raised goose bumps on her flesh. He grabbed a towel from the rack and slung it over her shoulders before he started to help her up from the floor.

“Come on. Let’s get you back in bed,” he spoke caringly, like someone would speak to a frightened child.

Once she was on her feet, her eyes focused on him, looking into his. He paused momentarily to look back into hers.

“How do you know so much about compassion and love? Your father…” Mason choked out, remembering the night Harry broke down and told her about how his father physically and mentally abused him for most of his life.

“Growing up – it wasn’t all bad,” he corrected, the corner of his lips tugging up into a hint of a smile.

“My mother – she loved me very much. She still does,” Harry went on, his hands warming her as he slowly slid them up and down her arms.

“Did she know?” Mason questioned, her eyebrows furrowing. Harry took a deep breath and let it out shakily.

“My mother is a naïve woman. I think she likes to be that way so she doesn’t have to see the bad in people. I’m not saying she turned her head at it, but I think she was more afraid of him than even I was,” he explained.

“He abused her?” She questioned.

“I don’t know,” Harry said quietly, a somber look passing over his face.

“And your sister and brother?” She asked curiously.

“Never. Not that I know of. But I made sure to always protect Reese. He was my baby brother, and I knew I had a duty as his big brother. I think I learned most of my compassion from them – Gemma and Reese,” Harry confessed, making her heart flourish and long for something like that.

“Come,” he said, coaxing her out of the bathroom and back into the bedroom, where the bedside light was now on.

“Would you like to get dressed?” He asked quietly.

“Yes,” she told him.

“I’ll grab you some water while you put on some clothes,” he said quietly, moving back into the bathroom.

Mason located her suitcase on the floor and dropped to her knees in front of it before unzipping it and rifling inside for something to wear to bed. She was fully dressed and sitting on top of the mattress with her legs tucked up against her chest, her arms around them before Harry came back in the room. She was certain he took extra-long in the bathroom to give her privacy while she dressed.

“Here,” he said quietly, handing her a cup of water.

“Thank you,” she said quietly, stretching out her legs as she took the cup from him before gulping it down.

Harry slid into the bed next to her and she noticed he was now wearing pajama pants. Maybe he was before – or all along, she didn’t know.

“Tell me what it was like before your parents were gone,” Harry asked boldly, and Mason’s head turned to him, her eyes staring into his. She felt frozen.

He was the first person to ask her something like that. Maybe it was because he was the first person to know the turmoil her life had fallen into.

“Uhh…” She fumbled with her words, her breathing slightly labored.

“Does it hurt to think of them?” He asked, his voice even and inviting.

“No. Sometime. I guess,” she stammered, not really knowing how she felt.

“What were their names?” He asked.

“S-Sarah and John,” she stuttered, having not spoken of them in so long. Harry nodded, taking it in.

“For eighteen years, they were all I ever knew of love,” she told him, her gaze falling to her hands.

“And now?” He asked.

“I don’t feel it,” she said matter-of-factly.

“Because of what happened after?” He questioned, referring to what her uncle did to her.

“I don’t know,” she whispered uncomfortably.

“And your grandmother?” Harry pressed on.

“What about her?” Mason asked, unsure of what he wanted to know.

“She must love you,” he continued.

“I don’t know,” she said, shaking her head.

“Just because she might not say it, doesn’t mean she doesn’t. She took you in when you needed someone the most,” Harry went on.

“I guess,” she whispered, nodding lightly. 

Her grandmother took care of her even when she couldn’t take care of herself. She stayed by her even after her suicide attempt. She sheltered her and provided for her even when she’d rather have seen herself dead than living.

“Love exists, Mason,” Harry insisted. His words echoed in her head. But it only brought on the words her uncle spoke to her in her nightmare. _He doesn’t love you. No one will ever love you_. If love existed, she knew she wasn’t worthy of it.

“I’d like to go back to bed now,” she said as she set the cup of water on the bedside table.

“Okay,” Harry said quietly as Mason sunk back against the mattress, her back to him as she pulled the blankets up to her chin.

“Please, can we keep the light on?” Mason asked.

“Sure, Mason,” Harry obliged. She felt the mattress shift next to her as he settled in bed.

 

 

The next morning Mason woke up in a dim hotel room – the shades still drawn, but the light still on next to her. As she looked around the room, she realized the TV was on too, but Harry was not in sight. She took a deep breath and quietly sat up in the bed.

“Good morning,” she heard and saw Harry’s head peek up from the foot of the bed. 

He was sitting on the floor watching the muted TV. After further examination, Mason saw subtitles rolling across the screen. He was _reading_ the television just so he wouldn’t wake her. Her cheeks heated up with the realization. His actions weighed on her heart. She hated being a burden on anyone.

“Morning,” she squeaked, her voice not yet ready to speak.

“Did you sleep okay? I mean _after_ —” Harry asked, cutting himself off as he came up to sit on the edge of the bed.

“I slept fine. What time is it?” She asked, changing the subject.

“Almost noon,” he told her.

“Harry!” Mason yelped, throwing the blankets off of her as she darted out of the bed.

“What?” He chuckled lightly.

“Noon!? We have to get on the road,” she said frantically as she grabbed her suitcase and tossed it onto the bed where moments before she comfortably laid.

“It’s okay. There is no rush,” he chuckled.

“We still have a ways to go, Harry. We shouldn’t be wasting time like this,” Mason told him as she dug around for something to wear.

“Alright,” he said with a smirk, turning off the television with the remote.

The two of them quietly got ready before they both piled back into the vehicle.

After the first hour of awkward silence between them – probably more on her part than his – Mason climbed in the backseat so she could pass the time sleeping after the night she spent tossing and turning in bed.

“What are you doing?” Harry questioned as she propped up a sweatshirt against the door and settled herself.

“I’m going to nap,” she told him.

“Okay. Sweet dreams,” he told her and she could hear a slight chuckle in his voice.

“Yeah,” she breathed, hoping she might get a solid sleep of _sweet dreams_.

Mason was in and out of consciousness all afternoon as she tried to find comfort in a backseat that wasn’t made for sleeping. It was uncomfortable and hard, and the contours of the actual seat came up in the center, causing her body to lay awkwardly. But she managed to get some sleep.

When her eyes finally fluttered open, the setting sun was casting odd shadows in the car. There was soft music playing through the speakers, but it wasn’t until Harry began to sing along that she knew the song.

_“Jesus freaks out in the street, handing tickets out for God. Turning back she just laughs. The boulevard is not that bad. Piano man. He makes his stand in the auditorium. Looking on she sings the songs. The words she knows. The tune she hums,”_ his voice sang along perfectly with Elton John’s _Tiny Dancer_.

It was beautiful – his voice, listening to him sing, everything. And once the chorus kicked in, Mason couldn’t help but smile softly to herself as his voice tried to match Elton’s pitch.

_“Hold me closer tiny dancer. Count the headlights on the highway. Lay me down in sheets of linen. You had a busy day today,”_ he sang, not too loud, but loud enough for her to hear.

Mason could’ve listened to him sing all night. He could’ve sung her back to sleep if she let him, but the seat she was lying on would not allow it. She sat up cautiously, not wanting to scare him. Their eyes met in the rearview mirror and Harry smiled at her.

“Don’t stop because of me,” Mason said, smirking at him, and she was rewarded with an animated chuckle as she crawled back into the passenger seat.

“Did you sleep okay?” He asked for the second time that day as he turned his head, sending her a genuine smile.

“Not really. It was off and on for the last few hours. Where are we?” She asked, looking out the windshield at nothing but fields and farmland.

“Almost out of Texas – near the border,” Harry hummed, looking tired himself.

“New Mexico!?” Mason choked, it taking her by surprise when she knew it shouldn’t. But only two days before, she was safely in her apartment in New York City.

“Yeah,” he chuckled looking over at her with an amused expression.

“ _Jesus_. All of Texas in one day,” she mumbled, looking out at the landscape.

“All of Texas in under nine hours,” Harry corrected her.

“How close are we?” She asked cautiously.

“Well, to be honest, I took the long way,” he said, sending her a tiny look of embarrassment, and she could read how difficult it was for him.

“That’s okay,” she told him quietly, understanding his pain.

“Could you replay that song?” Mason asked him, changing the subject to help ease the tension that was building.

“Sure,” he said, pressing a button on his iPod, bringing the opening bars of _Tiny Dancer_ upon them once again.

“Thank you,” she said quietly.

“You’re welcome,” he said politely as she rested her head against the window, listening contently.

Nearly twenty minutes passed before either of them spoke again. And it wasn’t Mason who broke the silence.

“I went through a phase, too,” Harry spoke up, looking over at her. Her eyebrows knit together in question as she looked at him.

“Partying and drinking and going to clubs,” he elaborated. Mason nodded her head in understanding, _really_ understanding what he was about to get at. Anxiety bubbled inside of her as he began to speak again.

“When I saw you, Mason, I thought you were so beautiful, and wild and… and tragic,” Harry confessed causing her breath to shudder in her throat.

“It was the first time I ever did something like that – you know, take a woman home with me. I saw you and I was immediately drawn to you. I don’t know why. I just was. And here we are almost three years later. But it’s like neither of us can break away from the tragedy of our lives,” he continued to explain.

“Harry,” Mason breathed, wanting him to stop more than anything.

“I’m glad I met you, Mason. You have no idea how much you’ve helped… with everything,” he told her.

“Don’t, Harry,” she huffed.

“Don’t what?” He asked, his eyebrows furrowing as he looked over at her.

“I can feel you changing,” she said quietly.

“What do you mean? Changing?” He asked confused.

“You’re changing how you look at me. You’re changing how you think about me. You’re changing who you are. I can feel it,” she said, unable to focus her eyes on anything in particular.

“Mason,” Harry said, shaking his head slightly.

“Just don’t,” she said quietly, biting on the end of her thumbnail as she looked out the passenger window, the scenery passing by in a blur. 

Harry went silent, and Mason was relieved.

“No. You know what, Mason. _No_. That’s bullshit,” he said, his voice rising angrily, catching her off guard. Mason’s head snapped to look at him incredulously.

“Don’t start doing this,” he said, shaking his head and she could see him clenching and unclenching his jaw with displaced anger.

“Don’t start what?” She snapped at him.

“Don’t start making up excuses to push me away just because you’re uncomfortable about sharing what you did. Just remember what you told me – you’re the master of deflection, right? Don’t do it,” he said with a warning in his tone.

“Push you away? Pretty sure none of this matters anyway,” she scoffed, looking away from him again, feeling the annoyance bubble up inside of her as she hugged her arms to her chest. He had a girlfriend at home and he was worried about her pushing him away. _Bastard_.

“None of this _matters_? Are you kidding me? The past two years haven’t mattered? Now I _know_ you’re lying,” he spat.

“You know what, _whatever_ ,” she scoffed at him as she pulled her legs up and tucked her arms around them.

“Stop retreating inward! You’re not a turtle, Mason,” Harry snapped, pushing her knee almost forcibly so her foot fell back down to the floorboard.

Mason turned to face him, giving him a menacing glare as she dropped her other leg down too.

“Stop being scared, okay. I’m not going to hurt you, Mason. You should know that by now,” Harry said, his voice sounding more powerful than maybe he even meant it to.

“What the hell do you want from me!?” She spat at him as the anger bubbled up in her chest.

“I want you to stop hiding!” He scowled at her.

“Hiding!?” She screamed back at him.

“Yeah!” He huffed.

“How am I hiding!?” She shrieked at him, feeling every atom in her body tingle with anger and regret.

“You do it every day. I’m sure you’ve done it every day for the past four years,” he called her out, speaking of the time since her parent’s deaths.

“Fuck you,” she snarled at him, tightening her arms around herself as she fumed silently, looking out the passenger window.

“ _Case… in… point_ ,” he growled each syllable, still calling her out.

Tears pricked her eyes as she heard the anger rumble out with Harry’s words. She had never seen him this angry at her – ever. As a matter of fact, he was never angry at her in all the time she knew him. She brought him to his breaking point – his frustrations overflowing. Mason quietly bit her lip trying to stifle her emotions, but she couldn’t hold them back. Soon tears were streaming out of her eyes as her face fell into her hands. 

“Mason,” Harry sighed, his voice soft and calm once again. But she couldn’t respond.

“Mason, I’m sorry,” he said, his voice pleading with her as she felt his hand softly touch her upper thigh. 

She didn’t flinch or push his hand away. She just cried into her hands. She wept for Harry. She wept for all her short-comings. She wept for the way she was so inept that she was slowly pushing away the one person who understood her and accepted her. 

She didn’t respond to anything until she felt the car stop. She silently looked up to see they were parked in a _Travelodge_ parking lot.

“Listen, Mason. I’m sorry,” Harry said after he took the keys out of the ignition. She didn’t respond, she just looked out the windshield at the building in front of her as the overcast sky darkened slowly all around them.

“I’m going to go get us a room,” he continued.

“Okay,” she said quietly and waited until he was out of the car and out of sight before she broke down again. 

She thought about just running away. It would have been so much easier. She could maybe hitch a ride to the airport and just go. But she knew she never would. She would never do that to Harry no matter how uncomfortable or upset he made her.

After Harry came back nearly ten minutes later, Mason’s tears subsided and she was once again stuck in a daze, looking at the exterior of the building. He slid back into the driver seat shutting the door beside him, but he didn’t say anything. The two of them sat silently next to one another for a few long moments before Mason finally worked up the nerve to speak. 

“I used to have dreams, Harry – about you. I still do,” she confessed quietly as she wiped at the few straggling tears that fell from her eyes. She could tell she caught him off guard because he looked over at her, his mouth slightly agape.

“Dreams?” He asked cautiously.

“More like nightmares. They are always the same,” she told him.

“Nightmares?” He questioned, sounding slightly panicked.

“I have these nightmares where… where I keep running to you, trying to save you, but I can never reach you. I never can. You always just disappear. And you’re always screaming, telling me you need me. But I can never get to you,” Mason explained, feeling a stale panic in her chest having to relive the details of the horrendous dreams.

Harry stayed quiet. She could feel his eyes on her, but she was sure he wanted her to elaborate – like maybe he thought if he interrupted, she might just stop talking. And she probably would have.

“Funny thing is, these nightmares started after the first night we met,” she said with a dark chuckle.

“What?” Harry choked out.

“Yeah,” she said, finally looking up into his wide, questioning eyes.

“I felt your sadness in my bones, Harry. I could see it in your eyes. I could see it in everything you did. In the way you were looking for an escape. In everything. I saw it and it haunted me,” Mason confessed to him as a few tears trickled from her eyes. She quickly wiped them away.

“Mason,” he breathed.

“I’ve been having the same dream for almost three years and… and now… now here we are – we’re so close to where all of your sadness started, where it can be fixed. We’re almost there and there’s a big chance that… that you might be happy for the first time in your life and… and I just still feel so empty,” she said as she began to cry into her hands.

“Mason, no, no. Mason, please stop crying,” Harry sighed, gripping onto her wrist to pull her to him.

“Just– _god_. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m a mess. I shouldn’t be… I shouldn’t—” She cried.

“Mason, please. _Shhhh_ ,” Harry cooed, wrapping his arms tightly around her, his quiet plea whispered into her ear, warming her, sending goose bumps all over her skin.

She tried her best to get her emotions under control. She didn’t need to fall apart on him like this all over again. He didn’t need this shit. She pulled back away from him, wiping haphazardly at her tears.

“Let’s go inside,” Harry suggested and Mason nodded her head.

He carried her bag like she was incapable of doing it on her own, which kind of made her feel uncomfortable, but she knew he was doing it to be chivalrous. She was not used to that kind of attention to detail or care from another human being. And she was realizing Harry had it all along, she just chose not to acknowledge it.

“Are you okay?” Harry asked once they were inside our room.

“I’m fine,” she said as she awkwardly dug through her bag just so she had something to do to occupy her mind.

She heard Harry sigh lightly and she quickly grabbed her pajamas went into the bathroom, away from him.

As she looked into the mirror, she saw a sad, forlorn girl standing in front of her who had never been loved and who didn’t know how to return love even if someone did love her. She was a pathetic sight, and Mason closed her eyes so she didn’t have to look into their red, bloodshot, blotchiness any longer. She took a deep breath and stripped out of her clothes, replacing them with the fresh ones she just chose. And once she was dressed, she knew she would have to go back out there to face Harry.

Mason slowly opened the door and turned off the lights, making her way back to her suitcase to deposit her worn clothes. 

“Mason?” She heard Harry’s thoughtful voice.

“Hmm,” she hummed, avoiding his gaze completely.

“I’m sorry for what I said earlier,” he told her.

“You were right,” she admitted quietly.

“Even so, it shouldn’t have come out like that,” he said as she felt his presence next to her.

“It’s okay,” she told him, cautiously looking up into his eyes.

His eyes darted between hers as he carefully watched her. Her cheeks heated up under his gaze and she wondered what he was seeing in her that he needed to look so attentively at her.

“Have you ever made love, Mason?” He asked, catching her completely off guard with his question.

“What?” She choked out, forever feeling like she was not prepared for the twists and turns life brought her way.


	8. Chapter Eight

Mason stared wide-eyed at Harry, as if he just asked her the meaning of life. She was certain she wasn’t prepared for the consequences when she finally did answer.

“Have you ever made love? And I don’t mean it in the _love_ sense, because I know you don’t believe. But I mean it like have you ever had slow, attentive sex? Have you ever had someone care for you?” He asked, frightening her more than any nightmare ever could.

“No,” she admitted quietly, her cheeks heating up rapidly as her eyes found the floor.

Harry took a step toward her, but hesitated when she flinched. She didn’t know how to handle herself, or him. Her heart was in her throat as he watched her, his feet moving forward again. Was this really happening?

Harry placed his hands on either side of her face and looked straight into her eyes. And her hands automatically gripped on his wrists so she felt like she had at least an inkling of control in the situation.

“You deserve to have someone take care of you, Mason. You deserve to have someone treat you like you’re supposed to be treated. And I realize that even I haven’t done that. You deserve so much better than what you allow yourself to have. And I know it won’t take away the memories of your first time, but I want to make love to you like it _should_ have been during your first time,” Harry explained, making her heart squeeze painfully with the honesty of his words. Mason shook her head, trying but failing to fight off the emotion.

She pulled Harry’s hands off of her face, bringing them down. Her hands slid through his, allowing her fingers to linger at his fingertips. She didn’t want to even acknowledge what he was saying, because it made her so uncomfortable, but she knew he was waiting for her to speak, to respond. She knew he wouldn’t allow her to brush it off. She knew if she did, she would greatly offend him. And she didn’t want to do that – she couldn’t.

“People always think their first time is supposed to be so special – so perfect. But the truth is real life isn’t like that, Harry. We watch love stories play out in the movies and everyone wants that. But if you compare real life to fiction, all you’re gonna be is disappointed. It’s a fantasy. That’s all it is,” Mason told him as she shook her head, avoiding eye contact.

“Well, I want to make yours come true tonight,” he said, and the fierce honesty in his voice made her eyes dart up to his. His words terrified her thoroughly.

“I’m not sure I have one,” she said quietly, looking away unable to stare into his intense eyes any longer. Her head was spinning, her cheeks burning red, her stomach turned with a mixture of fear and anticipation.

“Look at me, Mason,” Harry said as his finger hooked underneath her chin to align their eyes. 

Tears pricked the back of her eye sockets, and she wanted to be anywhere but there. She wasn’t the right girl for this. Her flaws held her back and she knew it, but she couldn’t control it.

“Let me do this for you. I want to show you you’re worthy of it all, Mason,” Harry whispered, looking her straight in the eye.

“I don’t deserve it,” she whispered through a half sob.

“But you do. You’re so beautiful and your heart is so big. I can feel it. You’ve helped me when nobody had – when nobody else could. You’ve been there for me, Mason. And I want to prove to you that sex doesn’t have to be a dirty secret,” Harry elaborated.

Mason’s eyes filled with tears. She couldn’t even blink them away. She just stared at him as he got blurrier and blurrier from the tears.

“Harry,” she whimpered as his hands came back up to her face. His lips placed a tender, want-filled kiss on hers. She never had anyone kiss her like that before. Ever. Harry was the only person to ever show any compassion in her sexual history of one night stands and random hook-ups. He was the only boy she ever slept with more than once. He was the only one she let underneath the invisible walls and guard she built around herself. Everything with Harry was different. And everything with him was changing.

His face inched forward and she knew what was coming next. She was so scared, she couldn’t even breathe.

“Harry,” Mason whimpered as her hands came back up to his wrists and her grip tightened around them.

“ _Shh_ ,” he breathed against her lips before he quietly kissed them. 

Harry’s lips moved slowly and meticulously as their mouths opened up to one another. His tongue felt like velvet with its listless rhythm against hers. She wanted to whimper. She wanted to cry. But she was too busy trying to keep her body from tensing up as his hands slid down her arms and over her hips. 

She was a virgin in all sense of the word when it came to this sort of intimacy level. When she first started having one night stands, they were fast and to the point – get in, get out. And then Harry came back into her life and they started sleeping together on a regular basis. You could say they developed with each other. They developed from their negatives, but she didn’t think they ever really bettered themselves because of what they were doing. They were just looking for a way to feel, or a way to numb, depending on the day. There was a mutual understanding between them, and with _this_ all of that understanding was thrown out the window. Mason sure as hell didn’t understand it any longer. But Harry changed – he was changing every day, the closer they got to New Mexico and to his real father. She was certain by the time he found what he was looking for, he would be a completely different person. Would she even recognize him? Would she like what she sees in him? _No, no, no_ – She was more afraid of him not liking what he saw when he looked back at her. 

“Mason,” Harry breathed against her lips as his hands slid around to her back, just barely slipping up the back of her shirt to dance his fingers across her flesh.

Mason pulled back slightly to look in his eyes, giving him a questioning look.

“What are you thinking about?” He asked quietly, and all she could do was shrug her shoulders lightly.

“Is this okay? I’ll only continue if this is what you really want,” he whispered, asking for consent.

 _Wow, consent_. Her heart flared with overwhelming admiration, her eyes filled with tears as she looked at him. Her hands slipped up, cupping his face as her lips pressed firmly against his. She wanted this. As scared and as inexperienced as she was with this type of sex, she still wanted it… with him. Her kisses were heated and nearly frantic, having only one emotion coursing through her body in the moment – _lust_. But Harry had other plans he was determined to see through.

“Mason, Mason. Please, let me,” he insisted, slowing her down as he pecked her lips.

“Harry,” she whimpered, impatience attacking her like a thorn in her side.

“Please, Mason,” he pressed on, looking into her eyes. She slowly nodded her head, taking a deep breath to calm herself. 

Harry’s eyes devoured her, but not in a vulgar way. They held a worshipping quality as she stood in his clutches, completely frozen in apprehension. He quietly brought his hands up, softly gathering her long hair before sweeping it behind her shoulders, his eyes focusing on the skin from her chest up to her neck. 

“You’re beautiful, Mason,” Harry breathed as his eyes came back to meet hers. Her breathing shuddered lightly as her brain automatically fought off what he said.

“You don’t believe it?” He questioned as if he could read her mind, his eyebrows furrowing slightly. Mason sucked in both of her lips, biting them together as she gave him a pleading look.

“I’ve always thought so, Mason. Since the moment I saw you. And that look, the look you’re giving me right now – the look of intense vulnerability, it only makes you that much more beautiful. You’re the type of girl who doesn’t know just how big of an impact you have on the male population,” Harry explained, smirking fondly at her.

“ _Harry_ ,” she whimpered, letting out a weighted sigh.

“I only want to tell you the truth and have you believe it. I want you to know what you do to me,” Harry told her, leaning in to lightly kiss her lips. Mason stopped breathing. His words were too intimate, and utterly intimidating.

“Is it okay if I touch you, Mason?” Harry asked patiently, really going for the whole consent angle.

“Mm-hmm,” she hummed, biting her lip as she gave him the smallest of head nods.

To her surprise, his hands didn’t immediately fall to her breasts or any other private area. His left hand found her hip as his right gently gripped at the side of her neck, his thumb lightly stroking her clavicle.

“You don’t have to be fearful of me, Mason,” he told her, looking contently into her eyes.

“Never,” the word fell from her lips without a thought, causing Harry’s lips to turn up into a smile.

“Never,” he repeated to get his point across as his hand came up to cup her face.

His lips came back down, kissing her. Their mouths worked with one another’s, opening to tangle their tongues together in a pleasing rhythm. She found herself placing her hands on his chest as he wrapped his arms around her body, holding her against him. All her natural instincts were clawing to the surface inside of her. She was fighting herself to not take matters into her own hands and throw him down on the bed.

Mason felt Harry’s hand slip inside of her shirt, caressing the skin on her torso, causing her stomach muscles to jump and twitch. She giggled against his mouth, pulling back slightly.

“I wish I could make you laugh more often,” he said quietly, a small smile on his lips. Mason bit at her bottom lip, stifling her laugh almost immediately, looking back at him.

“I wish I could make you happy, Mason. I wish I could be the one who really helped you,” he said as his eyebrows furrowed almost painfully.

“You help me every day,” she whispered, her voice cracking slightly.

“I broke up with Casey,” he confessed, catching her completely off guard. She sucked in a huge breath in response, and felt light headed because of it. She gripped tightly to his t-shirt to steady herself.

“I broke up with her in Dallas, the same day she left you that nasty voicemail,” Harry told her.

“Oh,” Mason said quietly, her eyes looking away from him.

“I never loved her,” he admitted. Mason bit at her lip, but didn’t respond.

“She was just a way to… to, I don’t know… to feel normal,” he told her, shrugging his shoulders.

“Harry, you don’t have to explain anything to me,” Mason told him flat out. He didn’t have to answer to her on anything, and she was the last person on earth who would ever judge him.

“I know. But I wanted to,” he said as he pulled her a little tighter against himself.

“What are we doing?” She asked, pressing her hands firmly against his chest.

“I’m going to make love to you, Mason. And I want you to feel it,” he said sincerely, causing her eyes to dart up to his. He said it so nonchalantly, when it absolutely destroyed her, making her weak in his arms.

Harry kissed her and walked her slowly back to the edge of the bed, laying her down.

“Slide up,” he suggested, looking down on her as she looked up into his angelic face. Everything about it already felt so different.

As Mason slid backwards up the bed, she felt an unfamiliar feeling of butterflies in the pit of her stomach. She couldn’t even remember the last time she felt that feeling, and she knew it meant something.

Harry knelt down on the end of the bed, pulling his t-shirt over his head before discarding it onto the floor. Mason watched as if she was in a trance. She watched every movement he made, and their eyes connected as he crawled up her frame, quietly leaving a kiss on her lips. He hovered over her, kissing her as his fingers tickled the exposed flesh right below her navel. His index finger hooked underneath the waist band of her yoga pants, sliding effortlessly back and forth, teasing her with every stroke. His intentions were made perfectly clear, and she couldn’t help but want him and need him with a mind-altering, body-wrecking burning passion.

Mason’s hands came up, sliding against his rib cage, feeling every perfect bone underneath her fingertips. She used what she knew about sex and tried her best to dilute it to appear as if she knew what she was doing in the slowed setting. She wanted to be good for him too – if this was what he wanted so badly. 

She pulled her legs up against Harry’s hips once he pressed himself down against her body. He didn’t vulgarly thrust himself against her. He didn’t even move his lower half, even though she could feel his arousal against her. He focused on kissing her, which was surprisingly pleasant.

Harry broke their kiss only to trail his lips down the line of her jaw, kissing and nipping her flesh lightly, before moving down her sensitive neck. His scruff rubbed her roughly, but it only heightened the sensuality between them.  His hand moved up over the flesh of her torso, bringing her shirt up with it as he buried his face in the nape of her neck, worshipping the skin all around her neck and shoulder blade. Goose bumps were erupting all over her body as her skin tingled from his touch. She wanted more. She was trying to be as patient as possible, but sex was always like a drug for her – especially sex with Harry. 

“Oh, god, Mason. Your skin is so soft,” he moaned, pulling up to kiss her lips again as his hands cupped below her bra-clad chest.

“Please,” she begged.

Her body shook with sparse tremors as her breathing sped up. Harry quickly kissed her jaw, before he pressed his hands into the mattress on either side of her, looking down in her eyes.

“I could get lost in you, Mason. Tell me what you want,” Harry said as his eyes darted between hers, looking down at her contently.

Mason took in a deep breath. She had no idea he planned on having a Q&A session about what she looked for in the sex department. She was in no shape to answer something like that. She was the _take-it-as-it-comes_ kind of girl. She didn’t throw her two-cents into anything regarding sex for a reason – and that main reason was because half the time she didn’t know what the hell she was doing. She was still learning – and this kind of sex was something she knew absolutely nothing about.

“Please don’t look so scared, Mason. I’m not going to pressure you or hurt you. I just want to know if you’re enjoying _things_ ,” Harry said, smirking down at her. Her lower half tingled with his words and she knew she very much enjoyed the _things_ he was doing to her.

“I’m fine, Harry,” she replied quickly.

“But do you like it?” He pressed, looking hopeful.

“Too much,” she confessed as her blush tried to eat her face alive.

“Good,” he said, smiling contently as he leaned in to kiss her lips again.

He let his body relax against hers as his mouth moved quickly down her neck and then down her chest, before he began to leave tiny little kisses against the flesh of her torso. With every kiss, Mason inhaled a sharp breath, trying her best to relax under his pleasing torture. His hands pushed up her shirt, exposing her blue bra as his mouth moved up through the valley of her breasts. Mason let out a low whimper as her eyes shut tightly, trying her hardest to regulate her breathing as well as the tensing of her body. 

Harry kissed the top of each of her breasts before his left hand came up, pulling aside the cup of her bra, exposing the flesh of her nipple. Her back arched off the bed as Harry’s mouth wrapped around the already hardened bud, sucking and teasing it with his talented tongue and mouth. Mason bit her lip to keep herself silent as his quiet ministrations sent jolts of pleasure through her entire body. Her brain was a jumbled mess as Harry continued. She didn’t even realize he moved onto her other breast until she reached up to grip her fingers into his hair and his head was off-kilter from where she thought it was. The rush of feelings inside of her body was maddening, like she was drowning in a sea that was all Harry. He washed over her shores again and again – the pleasure so intense and inviting and she just wanted to lose herself. And she thought she might – she just might. And then she was letting out a low moan, coming from deep within her as her lower half sparked and her back arched once again. It was then she realized Harry just gave her an orgasm with just his mouth on her breasts.

“ _Jesus Christ_ , Harry,” Mason groaned, her chest heaving as she tried to catch her breath. But Harry didn’t respond. He kept on his quest to _make love_ to her, his mouth moving back down to the top of her torso, kissing and licking her flesh as his hands held her around her rib cage.

Mason worked her shirt over her head as he continued and she did as best she could to rid herself of her bra, it taking more than one attempt as Harry’s mouth worshipped her freely. 

“Please, Harry. Just, please,” Mason whimpered as her fingers tangled into his hair.

He gripped onto the sides of her yoga pants and slowly tugged them down her legs, kissing the flesh of her thighs as he did. It took Mason a moment to realize he took her panties down with them, and when she did, a jolt of anxiety shot through her. The thought of his mouth on her down there was more than she could handle. She never had anyone do such a thing to her and it made her stomach turn just thinking of it. But as Harry quietly kissed up her thighs, she knew he had the plan set in his mind already. Her body tensed unwillingly and she knew Harry sensed it.

“Just relax, Mason,” Harry breathed against her skin.

“Harry, I can’t—” Mason whimpered as she gripped her fingers under his chin, trying to coax him upward.

“Mason, please. Just let me,” he asserted as he looked into her eyes.

“Harry,” she whimpered again, writhing slightly below him.

“Has anyone ever gone down on you, Mason?” He asked, a look of intrigue in his eyes.

“No. Just, please,” she said quickly, still trying to coax him back up to her.

“Mason,” he pressed assertively as he slid his fingertips feather-light across the top of her womanhood. She took in a sharp breath as he did and he smirked playfully at her.

“Please, Harry,” Mason pleaded.

“What are you so afraid of, Mason? You are so beautiful. Everything about you. I just want to please you,” he said, skating his fingers up, circling around her navel. Mason bit her lip, squeezing her eyes shut tightly.

“Please, just let me. If you don’t like it, we can stop,” he said with a promise.

Mason’s body writhed again involuntarily. She felt uncomfortable in her own skin while he waited on bated breath for her answer.

“Please,” he begged against her lips, before pressing a kiss on them. With that, she took a deep breath and nodded her head lightly.

“Brave girl,” he whispered pleasingly, kissing her mouth again before he began leaving a trail of kisses down her body, stopping as he reached his destination.

“Open your legs, Mason,” Harry instructed in a soothing tone. She hesitated slightly, but finally did as he asked.

“Just say the word and I’ll stop,” he promised her, looking straight into her eyes, and she nodded her head in comprehension. 

When his mouth met with her sensitive flesh, it was like a spark ignited deep within her. The warm wetness of his mouth, mixed with the skilled intensity of his tongue as it lapped against her flesh was transcendent. He was fully consuming her, and _oh god_ , all she wanted in those fleeting moments was to be consumed. It was scandalous and torrid, but she felt absolutely alive and so completely unashamed with his mouth on her. She wanted more – just more of everything. She wanted him so badly. She needed him like she needed the rush of blood through her veins. Her fingertips gripped tightly to the bed sheets as a wail of pleasure escaped out of her throat. Her back arched as her body writhed under his blissful torment, and released another pleasing orgasm.

When her body stilled, Harry slid up her naked frame, his mouth attaching to her neck as he kissed just below her earlobe. 

“I love being responsible for that,” he hummed in her ear, and she couldn’t help the content giggle the escaped her lips.

“And that,” he smiled, pulling up to look in her eyes.

“You know, I can do that for you too,” Mason offered, undoing the fastening of his jeans.

“Mason,” Harry said, gripping onto her hands.

“I don’t expect anything in return. I want to show you that trust and sex can go hand-in-hand,” he said sincerely, looking deep into her troubled eyes. She took a deep breath and dropped her hands away from him.

“This is for you, not me,” he reminded.

“Please don’t treat me like a charity case,” she whispered as tears pricked her eyes.

“Mason, no. Is that what you think?” He asked, looking rather offended.

“I don’t know,” she confessed, looking away from him.

“Please don’t ever think that. Please,” he pressed, moving her chin with his fingers to align their eyes once again. She nodded her head lightly because she couldn’t handle him looking at her like that anymore.

“You deserve a lover who cares about _you_ , Mason,” he told her, and her cheeks reddened under his gaze, from his words.

“Someday you’re going to realize your worth, Mason,” he continued, his words making her uncomfortable.

“I want to make love to you,” he hummed against her lips, kissing them softly.

Mason watched as Harry pushed his pants down his body. He sat down on the mattress momentarily as he kicked out of them, before he slid back up her body. She did her best to swallow back the fear of the unknown as he leaned in to kiss her again.

“I don’t want you to be afraid,” he whispered. Mason shook her head lightly as he slid his hand smoothly up her side, sending her skin into a frenzy of tingles.

She watched as his head dipped to look down as he gripped himself, quietly finding her entrance. She held her breath and she knew she shouldn’t. She knew if she didn’t relax her body, his entrance was going to be harsher than expected. So she slowly let out her breath as he aligned himself with her body.

“Are you ready, Mason?” He asked and she nodded her head, not trusting her voice.

Harry leaned down to press a kiss to her lips as he slowly pushed himself inside. Mason’s mouth dropped open against his as a quiet gasp came out. He nipped her bottom lip before he kissed down her jaw line. Harry pulled out slowly and entered again a little faster than before – back and forth as he slowly built up a pleasing rhythm inside of her. Her body was reacting perfectly to his after already orgasming twice. Her breathing came fast as her mouth sat agape, feeling all the pleasure race through her body. Harry’s mouth concentrated solely on her neck as he pumped in and out of her. Her hands held him at his rib cage as his back arched with each thrust.

There was something so entirely enchanting about this kind of sex. It rivaled all other forms, in her opinion. She was slowly losing herself in Harry’s thoughtful rhythm. There was a constant hum of pleasure vibrating through her whole being. It didn’t even have to build up, like usual. It was just there, thrumming through her, intoxicating her. She wanted more and more – she never wanted it to end. Her mind and body were hooked, and for a few moments she quietly resented Harry for bringing her there, to a place she might not ever find again. She knew she might be searching for this feeling for the rest of her life, and it was all his fault.

Mason’s body shook with unapologetic tremors and she knew she was about to come apart at his hand. She wanted to. She wanted to so badly.

“Oh, Harry. Oh my god,” her voice came out ragged and breathless as her arms gripped around him, pulling him closer and closer to her. 

She let go, letting out an uncontrolled moan, her body becoming tense before it completely let loose underneath him. The pleasure was entrancing, almost bringing tears to her eyes. This boy – this stupid man undid her thoroughly, and she wanted to be angry about it, but the beating of her heart and the rhythm he still kept on top of her continued to possess her and she couldn’t hold that against him.

Harry let out a low groan as his body stilled, his face buried deep within the nape of her neck. He found his ending much like she did. His ragged breathing whirred passed her ear as he tried to catch his breath. Mason’s hands slid down his back and then fell at her sides as he pulled himself up, looking down into her eyes. They stared into each other’s eyes, and neither of them looked away. Not until Harry’s lips came down and covered hers. She kissed him back with quiet desperation. She wanted to consume him the same way he consumed her, but she knew she’d never be able to do it with such perfect accomplishment. 

Harry rolled onto the mattress next to her without a word. Mason lay there looking at the cracks in the ceiling as it plagued her to ponder what he was thinking about.

“Was that okay?” She heard him whisper in her ear as he turned toward her body.

“Yes,” she replied honestly.

“Good,” he hummed and she could hear the cracking of a smile on his lips.

A few moments later Harry leaned over to turn off the lights, leaving them in utter darkness. And Mason was left there wondering how he felt about what they just did.

When Harry’s arms reached out, pulling her body back into his, an involuntary smile formed on her lips through the darkness.

“You were amazing,” he whispered in her ear and she could feel the swelling of the butterflies in her stomach for the second time that night. 

Silence fell over them, and Mason laid there for a long while replaying in her head what just happened. She never felt so close to another human being in her entire life. It scared her, but also pleased her so much. Harry never ceased to surprise her.

“Harry,” Mason breathed through the darkness a little while later.

“Yeah?” His voice was quiet and excessively tired sounding.

“Can I tell you something?” She asked, her heart beating in her throat, her nerves trying to get the better of her.

“Anything,” he responded immediately.

“When I met you—you know, in the club that night?” She stammered.

“Yeah,” he answered.

“When you took me home, you were… it was… you were the first person after—” She choked out, unable to actually finish the sentence.

“After you were raped?” His voice shuddered with realization as he sat up slightly to look at her.

“Mm-hmm,” she hummed, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to fall, moving to lie on her back as he hovered above her.

“Mason,” he breathed, his voice almost a whisper. 

Her throat tightened up with emotion as tears began to streak down her cheeks. Harry let out a sigh as he lay back down against the mattress, still looking over at her. 

“Was I good to you?” He asked after a few weighted moments.

“You were good,” she managed to say as she wiped at her tears.

“Was I—was I good _to you_ though, Mason? I remember you. I remember your face, your body, your being, your everything – but there are some things I don’t remember. Was I good _to you_?” He asked, his voice almost desperate.

“You were good to me,” she said simply, remembering every detail of that night, despite the overabundance of alcohol she had in her system at the time he took her home with him.

Harry didn’t say anything and he didn’t move or even make a sound and Mason silently wondered if maybe he fell asleep. But just as she was about to turn over to him and find his face through the darkness, she heard him sigh and slip his arm around her middle, pulling her tightly against him once again. His face buried in her hair for a moment before he moved it aside. 

“You deserve better,” he whispered, his breath skimming across the skin of her neck, cascading goose bumps down her body. 

 

 

When Mason woke up in the morning, Harry’s side of the bed was cold. She sighed as she turned over to see for herself that he wasn’t there. Her eyes were met with a small piece of paper on his pillow. It was a receipt from the last time they got gas, but on the back side was Harry’s unmistakable scrawl.

 

_M-_

_If I’m not back by the time you wake up,_

_I’ll be back soon._

_-H_

Mason took a deep breath as she set the note back down on the pillow, feeling the sense of abandonment seeping from her veins. He would be back.

Her eyes shot to the door when she heard the familiar beep of the lock and the click of the handle. Moments later Harry strolled in with a plastic _Target_ bag in his hand. 

“Hey,” he said, beaming a smile at her as she watched him from the bed, the covers pulled up over her chest.

“Hi,” she squeaked as he shut the door.

“I had to make a run to the store,” he clarified, shaking the bag slightly.

“I just woke up,” she told him.

“Did you get my note?” He asked, pointing to his pillow.

“Yes,” she nodded.

“Good,” he said as he moved toward the bathroom sink that was in the room instead of in the actual bathroom.

Mason slipped out of the bed quietly and tip-toed to her bag sitting on the small dresser. She looked up quickly to see Harry’s eyes watching her from the mirror. Turning back toward her bag, she pulled out some clothes as a smile spread on her lips. She took a deep breath, evening out her features as she slipped her clothing over her body and quietly slipped passed him into the bathroom. 

When she came back out a few moments later, she stood next to him as she washed her hands. Her eyes scanned over his purchase of a pair of hair cutting shears.

“You’re going to give yourself a haircut?” She questioned as she dried her hands.

“I was hoping you would,” he said, looking up at her with a shy smirk on his lips.

“Oh,” she breathed.

“Unless… unless you don’t feel comfortable,” he stammered.

“No. Uh, I can. I can try,” she told him, causing him to smile once again.

Nearly a half an hour later, most of Harry’s messy curls were lying on the floor of the hotel room and Mason was quietly trimming the hair on the back of his neck. He had a cleaner look to him, which made him look more polished. Not that he looked bad before.

“There. I think… I think it’s good,” she told him as she set down the shears.

“Thanks,” he said, mussing up the front tuft of his hair.

Mason looked at him through the mirror, taking in his entire appearance. If she thought him attractive before, then she didn’t even know what to think now. He was enthralling. The shorter hair made him look older, sexier even. And man, did it fuck with her hormones. She had to look away, washing her hands again just so she had something else to focus on. Harry quietly cleaned up the countertops and picked up as much as he could from the floor. Mason moved to pack up her suitcase, as today was the day they’d finally make it to New Mexico if all went as planned.

 

 

Five hours passed in a flash and they found themselves in the confines of Albuquerque, New Mexico that afternoon. As Harry drove through the city where he was born; the city in which his biological father still lived, Mason could feel the tension radiating off of him.

“Harry…” Mason breathed.

“Hm,” he grunted, not taking his eyes off the road.

“It’ll be okay,” she told him, trying her best to sound believable. Truth was, she was as nervous as he was. She didn’t want the outcome of this trip to break him even worse than he already was.

“Thanks,” he said as he turned into a suburban neighborhood.

“We’re going to his house?” She questioned incredulously as house after house passed them by.

“Where else would we go?” He asked, momentarily looking over at her.

“I don’t know,” she whispered, feeling sick to her stomach.

The car quietly came to a halt as Harry parked against the curb. His vision stayed focused out the windshield as he cut the engine. He just sat there staring, the silence engulfing them. 

“It’s right there,” Harry pointed out as Mason’s eyes met his line of vision.

All the houses on the quiet street looked similar. They were all adobe style houses with red tiled roofs, but her eyes focused on the same house Harry was looking at – the house with the minivan in the driveway. She swallowed hard, knowing what a minivan usually represented – a family. Harry was about to walk in on a guy who had a whole other family and announce he was his long lost twenty-something-year-old son. Mason’s brain raced with one scenario after another on how it all could play out. 

The sound of Harry’s door opening broke her out of her thoughts.

“Harry,” Mason breathed as he pulled himself out of the car. 

 _Holy shit_. _This was happening_.

Mason opened her door and stepped out of the car, and stood there. Harry was already a few strides up the street and she wasn’t sure if he wanted her to follow until he turned back to look at her.

“Come on, Mason. Don’t leave me now,” he told her, swiping his hand through the air to signal her to come along.

Mason took a deep breath and closed the passenger door. She jogged toward him to catch up as he held out his hand for her. She slid her hand smoothly into his. Her heart was in her throat as they walked up the driveway. It was the middle of a Saturday afternoon and they were about to drop an atom bomb on this family.

Mason’s hand squeezed Harry’s tightly as he stuck out the index finger of his free hand and plunged it into the doorbell. Harry stood silently with Mason hovered at his side as they waited on bated breath for someone to answer the door. And when it slowly opened, a man stood in front of them looking surprised and flustered all at once.

“ _Harry_ ,” the man gasped.

And Mason was certain she had never been so stunned in her entire life.


	9. Chapter Nine

Mason was stunned, speechless, and so confused. The man knew Harry’s name – this man who was his long lost father. He knew his name, which meant he probably knew other things as well. Like how Harry was his _god damn_ long lost son.

“You _know_ who I am?” Harry asked angrily.

“I-I… _yeah_ ,” the man sighed, bowing his head for a moment before looking back up at Harry.

He was tall, unusually tall and had short brown hair and an impressive jawline much like Harry’s. Harry also had the man’s eyes, not only in color, but also in shape. As Mason continued to dissect him with a quiet stare, she also recognized the shape of Harry’s lips, actually the shape of his whole mouth was similar to his bio-dad’s. The resemblance was uncanny and it blew her mind.

“You… you— _damn it_ ,” Harry grumbled, running his hands through what was left of his hair after his haircut. Mason’s attention immediately snapped to him, realizing he was quickly falling apart.

“Harry, let me explain…” The man started.

“I am twenty-four years old. I am fucking twenty-four years old and I just found out about you. How long have you known about me? How long have you—” Harry cut himself off, the emotion in his voice plaguing his words.

“Please, just let me—” The man started to say again.

“How long have you known!?” Harry screamed at him.

“Harry,” Mason said quietly, placing her hand on his arm, but he shook her off.

“I came to see you at the hospital the day you were born,” the man admitted, bowing his head once again.

“You— _Jesus Christ_ ,” Harry snapped, slightly staggering backward.

“Victor, what is going on?” They heard from inside the house and Mason’s eyes came up to see a woman standing not far behind the man.

“Its fine, Isabelle. Just… I’m taking care of it,” he called back to her.

“You’ve never _taken care_ of me in my life, why start now?” Harry spat viciously.

“Harry, you don’t understand,” the man turned his attention back to his illegitimate son.

“I understand perfectly,” Harry scoffed, throwing up his hands as he stalked away down the driveway.

“Harry!” Mason shouted, following quickly behind him.

“Harry, please let me explain!” His father shouted after him, but Harry ignored them both. 

As soon as Harry got to the car, he got inside and started the engine. Mason thought he might leave her there if she wasn’t right on his tail. She quickly slid into the passenger seat and he peeled away from the curb, leaving his father in the dust.

Harry’s chest was heaving and Mason could tell he was having a panic attack; the anger was radiating off of him. She wanted to do everything she possible could to sate him, but she didn’t even know where to start.

“Harry,” she breathed.

“ _Don’t_ ,” he said sharply, not even looking in her direction, and it made her shut up fast.

Harry drove, and he drove fast. They were out on Interstate 25 and out of the Albuquerque city limits faster than she could have imagined, and she quietly wondered if that was it for him. All this time wasted on driving across the country for that? She couldn’t let him do that to himself.

“Harry,” Mason whispered after giving him time to think and cool down, but he ignored her completely.

“Harry, _please_ ,” she pressed desperately before he finally turned his angry gaze on her.

“Please stop the car,” she told him. 

Ignoring her, his vision aligned back up with the road, driving at the same heightened speed.

“Harry, I don’t care if we stop for the night even though it’s only like four o’clock in the afternoon. I just want you to stop _right now_ ,” Mason said, making her words sound as stern as possible.

“I’m not stopping,” he said, the words coming out low and dark.

“STOP THE CAR RIGHT NOW, HARRY!” Mason screamed at him.

“No!” He shouted back.

“STOP THE CAR!” She yelled again.

“Mason, I’m not stopping the fucking car,” he growled at her.

“If you don’t stop the car right now, I’ll make sure the next time you do, I will call a cab to take me to the airport and I’ll be getting on the next flight out of this fucking place. _Stop. The. Car_ ,” she scowled, hitting him with an empty threat.

“God damn it, Mason,” he growled, his knuckles turning white as he gripped the steering wheel tightly.

“Next exit, Harry,” she pressed firmly.

“YEAH! _God!_ _”_ He snapped angrily at her.

They sat in irritable silence for the next two minutes before Harry merged toward the next exit and brought them into the city of Los Lunas, New Mexico – population 24,877. Harry pulled into the _Days Inn_ parking lot and cut the engine.

“Thank you,” Mason whispered. Harry grunted in acknowledgment as he ran his fingers through his hair.

“I’m sorry,” she said, her voice cracking because of the emotion building up inside of her. She watched Harry’s jaw clench and unclench as he stared straight through the windshield.

“I’ll go get us a room,” she said quietly before she slowly climbed out of the car and left him to be alone with his demons.

It took a few minutes for someone to help her at the hotel because a large family was checking in before her. After dotting her I’s and crossing her T’s, she received the hotel key and headed back to the car. She found Harry slumped over the steering wheel and it nearly broke her heart to see him so distraught. Mason quietly slipped back into the car, but she knew Harry knew she was there because he immediately started wiping at his eyes, trying to hide the tears that were bombarding him. 

“You don’t have to hide from me,” she told him, her voice just above a whisper.

Harry looked over, his eyes tear-stained and red, and just stared at her – the kind of stare that would usually make her so uncomfortable it would make her fidget in her seat. But this time, she just stared back, willing herself not to flinch or look away.

“I need you,” he breathed, and she knew exactly what he meant.

Mason nodded her head once, and within seconds the two of them got out of the car and made their way to the hotel room – the very first hotel room she ever rented.

As soon as the door slammed behind them, Harry’s hands gripped onto her face and his lips crashed into hers. The heat and passion his kisses took on was almost knee-weakening. It was a vast contrast of the intimacy they shared the previous night, but it was intimacy she was familiar with, and she knew her way around it. She could handle the desperation of this type of sexual act. 

Mason shed off her cardigan sweater as Harry walked her back toward the bed, one of his arms wrapped around the small of her back, the other groping down her front – collarbone to breast. She was already panting as her hands brought up his t-shirt, breaking their kiss only to discard it onto the floor before their mouths connected once again and her fingers immediately fell to the waistband of his jeans. She fumbled with his belt and popped open the fly, still kissing him with fast, heated strokes of her tongue against his. Her camisole was ripped over her head in an instant as Harry’s free hand glided over the tops of her breasts, worshipping her skin.

A low groan escaped his lips as he lifted her up against his body and tossed her onto her back on the bed. He was on her in an instant, digging his arm underneath her so he could pull her up even farther on the mattress. He was aggressive, but she always liked this side of him – even though the circumstances in his life that got him to this point were usually appalling.

Harry’s mouth worked down Mason’s body, leaving a trail of kisses on her stomach as his fingers busily undid her jeans and pushed them down her hips. As he sat up on his knees to pull her bottoms off, she did her best to catch her breath, realizing how rapidly everything happened. Not even five minutes before, Harry was in the car crying over the realization that his biological father knew about him his whole life and did nothing to contact him.

Once Mason’s jeans were pulled off, Harry ripped her panties off too before looking up at her. His eyes were wide, almost feral as he looked into hers. Her heart broke for him, which was an entirely new feeling for her. She understood his pain before, but she never actually _felt_ it until now.

“Harry,” Mason whispered, reaching up to place her hand on his cheek. His eyes softened slightly, but then he closed them and shook his head, trying to fend off whatever he may have been feeling in the moment.

“Just fuck me,” he told her, before his eyes opened again, showing a fire in them that wasn’t there a moment before. 

Mason kissed him hard and impatiently as she pushed his pants and boxers down his hips, showing him she was there for what he needed. Feeling slightly aggressive herself, she pushed up on his chest, indicating she wanted him to lie back, and he did. Her bra was shed next, thrown off the side of the bed with the rest of their clothing before she gripped his jeans and boxer briefs in her hands and tugged them off of him altogether.

In a bout of overconfidence, Mason’s hand gripped around his shaft as she started a slow tug up and down him. Harry groaned, his eye closed tightly, and it made her assume he was enjoying it. She never did something like that before… ever. She never had this level of intimacy with anybody. Her last real boyfriend was in junior high school and the farthest they ever got was dry humping on the couch as they made out. _This_ – this was so much more than that.

Without thinking or overanalyzing it, Mason let her mouth come down to wet the head of his penis, and was greeted by Harry taking in a sharp breath. 

“Was that okay?” She asked quietly as she stilled her hand, still gripping onto him.

“Y-yes. Definitely,” he said, his voice quivering slightly as he looked down his body at her.

“Okay,” she said quietly, and began moving her hand once again.

Her stomach was tied in knots, but she powered through it, licking him once again before wrapping her mouth around him. She was twenty-two years old and she never gave a blow job.

Harry’s breathing picked up as her mouth bobbed up and down on top of him, quietly sucking. She heard absolute horror stories about girls giving blow jobs who had ridiculously strong gag-reflexes, and it made her realize hers was not so bad. She especially enjoyed when his body writhed below her, because it was her doing. She was feeding him the pleasure that made him go crazy underneath her. She had all the power.

It startled her when she felt Harry’s hands on her shoulders. She wasn’t expecting it.

“M-mason,” he stammered, his breathing heavy.

Her mouth came off of him with a pop as she looked up at him wide-eyed, wiping at her lips.

“I’m gonna lose it,” he swallowed hard.

“Oh,” she said, once the realization hit.

“Come here,” he said, holding his arms out for her as a quiet little smirk turned up his mouth.

Mason couldn’t help the timid smile that formed on her lips, because she realized she drained the anger out of him by doing just that one act. She helped.

She quietly slithered up his body and he wrapped his arms around her, kissing her lips, even after she had him in her mouth. It seemed so intimate to her. 

“I want you,” he breathed against her skin, and she once again noted to herself how she helped him calm down. She felt so good about herself in those lingering moments.

“Okay,” she said quietly as she slowly sat up on top of him, sitting astride him.

His hands gripped onto her thighs as she pulled herself onto her knees and gripped onto him again, slowly sinking herself down on top of him. Mason let out a shuddered breath as her palms pressed against his chest, steadying herself. 

“Oh god, Mason,” he groaned, his eyes drooping closed as she enveloped around him.

She pulled up and sank back down, her body teetering on top of him, the pleasure automatically consuming her. It was a much more intense feeling being on top during sex. It felt like she took more of him in than usual, hitting a different angle altogether. It was a glorious feeling, and soon she was lost in the rhythm she created for both of them.

Harry’s hands were on her hips, guiding her along as her arms and hands pressed down against him, keeping herself upright. Their bodies worked so well together, they were so in sync with each other that she knew sex with any other man would never be as sweet. Mason realized this, and it scared the shit out of her, so she pushed it back into the darkest depths of her brain so she could continue on.

Her body began to shake and she knew she was close. It was maddening. She just wanted to scream, but she knew it was the middle of the day, and the images of the family who checked into their room before her flooded her head. She knew she probably shouldn’t be screaming out in case their room was anywhere near theirs, but she couldn’t help the gasps and quiet moans that escaped her throat as she fell forward, her hands fisting into the mattress on either side of Harry’s face. Their bodies were sweating, and it created a slippery playing field, but it only made it easier for them to move against one another. The silver cross that hung off a necklace around her neck that once was her mother’s was quietly bumping into Harry’s chin with ever thrust he was pushing into her, but he gave it no mind.  

“Oh, _god_ ,” Mason groaned, burying her face against Harry’s neck as her body lost its rhythm atop him.

Harry continued for the both of them and soon she was moaning loudly against the sweaty skin of Harry’s shoulder as her orgasm ravaged through her like a canon shot through the stillness.

A few grunts and a couple thrusts later, Harry was also plowing through his own orgasm, pressing their bodies as tightly together as he could. She felt paralyzed against him as she tried to regain her normal breathing patterns. It felt like forever before either one of them could even move. But slowly Harry’s head turned toward hers, leaving a kiss on the side of her face before nudging her cheek with his nose. In response, Mason turned her head enough to try to read his expression, but Harry took the opportunity to connect their lips instead. His tongue tangled with hers in an erotic, pleasing kiss, and she could do nothing but kiss him back.

 

 

Mason woke up some time later, their naked bodies still tangled together above the sheets. Harry was awake with his arms around her and she could see the sun setting through the curtains.

“How long was I out?” Mason whispered through the dimly lit room.

“I’m not sure,” he answered quietly.

She slowly peeled her body away from him and sat up. A shiver ran through her after losing his body heat against her. 

“What time is it?” She asked, running a hand over her face.

“Not sure,” he said again.

Mason looked down at him through the dimness, and saw the forlorn look on his face.

“Are you okay?” She asked him quietly.

“I don’t know,” his voice was almost inaudible.

“Harry,” she whispered, feeling the tugging in her heart.

He looked up into her eyes, but he didn’t say anything.

“You can’t leave it like that,” she told him, her eyebrows marred together with a frown.

Harry sat up quickly, tossing his legs over the side of the bed as his upper body slumped over, his hands dug into his hair.

“He wanted to explain,” Mason whispered.

“What is there to explain?” Harry said, his voice so loud and aggravated as he stood on his feet, plucking his boxer briefs from the floor. Mason watched as he slid them quickly up his body before grabbing his jeans, doing the same.

“I don’t know. Just… we came all this way,” she offered, shrugging her shoulders. She didn’t have a better excuse, because she knew if she were in the same position, she would feel the exact same.

“He knew about me, Mason! He _knew_ ,” Harry yelled, his eyes piercing through her.

“So did your mother,” Mason said quietly, her head bowed. She regretted her words immediately, because she knew Harry still cared very deeply for his mother, and she was just throwing it back in his face that there was one less person in his life he could trust.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Harry growled, sounding defeated.

“I’m sorry,” she said shamefully as tears stung in her eyes.

“Mason,” Harry sighed, but she couldn’t look up at him.

“Mason, you don’t have anything to be sorry about. _God_. You’ve… you’re the only person I can trust. You’ve just…” He sighed, cutting himself off for a moment.

“You’re my best friend,” he finished, and it caused her breathing to shudder in her throat.

She finally looked up at him, tears well-apparent in her eyes, and he saw them.

“Please, Mason. Don’t cry,” he sighed again as he sat down with her on the bed.

“I’m sorry,” she said, pressing the heels of her hands into her eyes.

“Remember what I told you?” He asked, and she quietly shook her head.

“It kills me to see a girl like you so sad,” he repeated his words from a night long, long ago.

Mason let her hands fall away from her face and looked into his eyes.

“Please don’t cry,” he told her, wiping the tears with the pads of his thumbs.

“I don’t want you to regret— _please_ , Harry. I don’t want you to regret it if we go home and you never heard his side of the story,” Mason told him honestly.

Harry sighed, dropping his eyes away from her as he pondered her words. And when he was all done thinking, he slowly looked up at her and nodded his head.

“I’ll go back tomorrow,” he said, and in an instant his words lessened the lump that formed in the base of her throat.

 

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**Please, if you could leave a comment or a review or even a kudos, I would very much appreciate it!! xo**

 


	10. Chapter Ten

**February 2018**

 

Mason’s eyes blinked open, startled awake from yet another dream. But this time she wasn’t scared to death. This time there was more of a calming feeling. She was still trying to get to Harry, but in the dream, so was his biological father. He was right there with her trying to save Harry from whatever danger he was in. Needless to say, after having the dream, Mason felt Harry needed to hear his father out more than ever. But even so, there still was a nagging feeling in the back of her mind. She hoped her instincts were right, and that she wasn’t leading Harry into the arms of heartbreak again.

The hotel room was dark, with only a hint of the morning light shining through the cracks of the curtain. When she turned over, she was met with an empty bed. Harry wasn’t there. A sense of panic rose in her chest when she didn’t find a note.

She sat up in the bed and looked around quickly, not seeing him anywhere. Where did he go? She pulled herself out of the bed when she noticed her bag was sitting on top of the dresser. They didn’t even bothered to bring their things in from the car because of how rushed they were to get at each other the previous day. Harry must have done it that morning, but _his_ luggage was nowhere to be found, and Mason immediately had a sinking feeling that he left her there to find her own way home. Quickly, she dug in her bag for something to wear and threw it on before she grabbed the hotel key and went out the door to find him.

The sun was brighter than she thought and it blinded her almost immediately.

“ _Jesus Christ_ ,” she grumbled under her breath as she shielded her eyes to let them adjust.

“Where the hell is he?” She asked rhetorically as she stalked toward the parking lot to find the car.

When she spotted it in the same place they parked it the previous afternoon, a sense of calm washed over her. But it still didn’t explain where the hell Harry was. Not until she saw a puff of smoke rise up in the air from behind the car. Mason walked across the parking lot toward the back of the car and found him sitting on the ground smoking a joint just like he did that night in Dallas – the night she told him nearly everything about her life.

“This is becoming a thing,” Mason said flatly as she peered down at him.

“Huh? What? What is?” He choked, looking up at her, smoke extinguishing from his lungs.

“Finding you crouched behind the car smoking a joint,” she said, lightly smirking at him.

“Yeah, well…” He smirked back, taking another hit of it before offering it up to her.

Mason made a quick sweep around with her eyes before she took the joint between her index finger and thumb and sat down next to him. She sucked in a puff, holding it in her mouth for a while as she passed it back to Harry.

“And it’s becoming a thing where you end up finishing it with me,” Harry chuckled, taking another hit. Mason giggled as she blew out the smoke.

“I’m starting to get pissed that you never actually invite me to smoke with you,” she said in a joking manner. Harry nodded his head, but his face went somber.

“I usually only smoke when my anxiety gets real bad. It’s when I just really need some time alone, you know,” he said quietly.

“Oh, shit. Sorry. I’m sorry,” Mason said, feeling terrible all of the sudden as she stumbled to pull herself up off the ground. She felt like a complete asshole for all the times she just invited herself to smoke with him. How completely oblivious of her.

“No, wait,” Harry said, grabbing her arm and tugging her back down. Her butt fell back onto the pavement even closer to him than she was before.

“I don’t mind, Mason. You know you’re another vice for me,” he admitted. Her heart began to beat a little harder in her chest as her cheeks flushed red-hot. _Jesus Christ_.

“Mason,” she heard him say, breaking her out of her embarrassed thoughts.

“Hmm? What?” She asked flustered as she looked over at him.

“Here,” he said, nonchalantly handing her the joint.

“Oh. Ha. Thanks,” she laughed lightly, grabbing it from him.

She took a long hit off of it and ended up coughing it completely out because it was too much all at once.

“You okay?” Harry chuckled.

“Amateur,” she said with a smirk, poking fun at herself as she held out the joint for him. Harry smiled as he took it and sucked in a perfect hit. They sat in content silence as they roached out the joint.

“Did you really mean what you said last night?” Mason finally asked as she sat dwelling on the question for far too long.

“What?” He asked for clarification.

“That you’re going to go back and talk to your… your father today,” she asked hesitantly, hoping it wasn’t going to be too sore of a subject for him.

Harry’s head dropped between his arms which were perched up on his knees and Mason thought maybe she pushed him too far. But then he looked up at her and nodded his head.

“I have to,” he said quietly, and all she could do was nod back, thankful he wasn’t going to give up.

 

 

 

Mason could feel Harry’s tension as they drove the twenty or so minutes back to Albuquerque to see his father. Once they were parked outside the house again, they sat in silence for a few long moments. She could hear the beat of her heart in her ears as she waited on bated breath for Harry to do something, anything. He just sat there staring at the house, staring at the minivan that sat in the driveway; staring at a reality he never knew existed until about two weeks ago.

“Do you want me to come with you?” Mason asked quietly which snapped Harry out of his daze as his head turn to her, his eyes wide and confused. 

“Yeah,” he said in a way that made her feel like she should have known it all along. Like, the whole time he didn’t picture doing this without her by his side.

“Okay,” she whispered.

There were a few more moments of silence between them before Harry finally pushed open the driver side door and got out. Mason followed his lead and got out too, meeting him around the front of the car.

“Ready?” He asked her with a stiff smile.

“Are _you_ ready?” Mason retorted, giving him a sympathetic look. He sighed and nodded his head.

“About as ready as I’ll ever be,” he said before he held out his hand for her to take.

Mason quietly slid her hand into his and they began walking toward the house for the second time in less than twenty-four hours. Her nerves were killing her and it only made her wonder how much worse Harry’s were. This was his entire life being flipped upside down. This revelation of information was life-changing. And Mason was hoping, on top of everything else, it wouldn’t be life-ruining.

Harry took a deep breath and let it out slowly as they reached the front door of the house. She squeezed his hand a little tighter, letting him know without words that she was there for him. His finger pressed into the doorbell and the door opened moments later, with the woman who they saw in the house the day before standing in front of them.

“Hello,” she said, looking taken-aback by the sight of them.

Mason was almost certain she knew who Harry was now, even if she didn’t yesterday, just by the way she was looking at him in quiet apprehension – although she didn’t look angry or judgmental. She just looked curious.

“Hi,” Mason said quietly when Harry failed to speak.

The woman’s eyes fell on Mason, realizing she was standing there too. She was really rather beautiful, with long dark hair and piercing brown eyes. Mason quietly wondered just how hospitable she was going to be, knowing her husband had an illegitimate child standing on their doorstep. 

“Hello,” she said to Mason with a nod of her head.

“Is… is Victor here?” Mason stammered, remembering Harry mentioning his name to her before, and also hearing the woman call him it previously.

“Yes, yes. You must be, Harry,” she said as her eyes fell back on him. Harry nodded once, his jaw tense as he looked at her.

“And you are?” She asked Mason politely.

“Mason,” she told her.

“I’m Isabelle, Victor’s wife. It’s very nice to meet you… both,” she said with a cordial smile, looking between the two of them. Mason could tell she was uncomfortable, but she was still trying to make the best out of the situation, and she could appreciate that.

“Let me… I’ll go get Victor. Please, come in,” she said, giving them an invitation into their home. Mason wasn’t entirely sure what Harry was going to do, so she waited on him.

“Please,” Isabelle pressed, opening up the door wider for the two of them to step through.

“Thank you,” Harry finally said and stepped into the house, never letting go of Mason’s hand.

“Please, make yourselves at home,” she said as she skirted them into the living room.

Mason felt really awkward being inside the house, but she was going to be there for Harry because he asked her to. He asked her to go on the trip knowing she could be the one to help him. He wanted her there with him now for the same reason. The entire surface of her skin heated up with realization as this occurred to her. She spent so many nights dreaming of saving Harry, and right then, in that moment, being there with him put her on that path. Her breathing heightened slightly as her stomach started to turn.

“Are you alright?” Harry asked, squeezing her hand in his, looking over at her.

“Are you?” Mason managed to choke out, wondering how on earth he could be worrying about her.

“Yeah. You look pale, Mason. Are you sure you’re alright?” He asked in a hushed tone.

“Harry, I’m fine,” she told him quickly, just as a little girl walked into the room staring at the two of them sitting on the couch. 

Mason’s stomach lurched. She looked to be about four or five years old, with gorgeous curly brown hair, wide brown eyes, and such beautifully tanned skin. Her stomach lurched again when she realized she may very well be Harry’s half-sister. She felt Harry stiffen next to her when he realized her presence, and probably what she just realized. Mason looked up at him and he stared back at her looking almost horrified.

“Hi,” Mason squeaked, looking at the girl once again.

“Hi,” she said as a bashful smile turned up her lips. She stood across the room by a chair, still unsure of who they were or if they were going to be nice.

“What’s your name?” Mason asked, her voice shaking slightly. She couldn’t even remember the last time she was in a child’s presence.

“Sasha,” she said, flopping her head to the side as she sized them up.

“What a beautiful name. My name is Mason, and… and this is Harry,” Mason introduced them. Her wide brown eyes looked from Mason to Harry and then back to Mason before she nodded her head.

“Mason is a boy’s name,” she said matter-of-factly, and it made Mason laugh. She heard that too many times in her life.

“My parent’s sure set me up,” she smiled, even though the pain in her heart amplified when she mentioned her parent’s.

“There’s a boy in my preschool named Mason,” she explained.

“Oh. I see,” Mason said, smiling at her.

“Sasha!” They heard another little girl yell from the hallway, who soon appeared by her side, staring at them in shock. She looked older, maybe eight or nine, but she had the same exact features as Sasha.

“Who are you?” She asked them bluntly, but she wasn’t rude. She was just curious.

“Mason and Harry,” Sasha told the other girl.

“Hello,” Mason said, smiling at her.

“Hi,” she said, still looking confused.

“What’s your name?” Mason asked as she noticed Harry’s breathing picking up slightly next to her.

“Sadie,” she told them.

“Are you two sisters?” Mason asked, to sate her own curiosity – and probably Harry’s.

“Yes,” Sadie said with a nod. Harry took in a deep breath and let it out hard.

They heard Victor’s voice before they even saw him.

“Hey, girls. Why don’t you go play for a little bit while I talk to our visitors, okay?” He offered, and the girls immediately ran off down the hallway.

Harry shifted in his seat, dropping her hand as he wiped his palms on the top of his thighs. He was incredibly nervous and Mason couldn’t blame him.

“Harry, hi,” Victor said with a relieved smile on his face.

“Hi,” Harry said, lifting his hand in a short awkward wave before he put his palms back against his thighs.

“I’m so glad you came back,” Victor said as he sat down in the chair the girls were just standing next to. Harry nodded but didn’t say anything.

“Hello, I’m Victor,” he said, introducing himself to Mason.

“Hi, I’m Mason,” she said, leaning over to shake his hand, with a small smile on her face. 

It was weird being in front of him again, especially since he was in her dream that morning.

“Are you two— _dating_?” Victor asked awkwardly.

“No,” Mason muttered.

“Just friends?” He asked, looking between them.

“You could say that,” Mason said quietly, feeling her cheeks heat up once again.

“Could I get you two anything to drink or eat?” He offered.

“Just—I just want an explanation. That’s why I’m here,” Harry spat bluntly, cutting the pleasantries. Victor nodded and took a deep breath before he searched for the right words to start the conversation.

“I used to work with Des,” Victor began, and Mason could have sworn she felt Harry shudder next to her. Maybe it was because the mentioning of his so-called father, or maybe it was the revelation of the news. She didn’t know.

“I met your mother at one of the company functions. She was so beautiful. And… and I fell for her immediately. But we were both married at the time and I knew nothing would ever come of it, except… well, obviously it did,” Victor started to explain.

Mason looked down to see Harry’s hands bawled up in fists on his lap, his knuckles white with anger. Maybe this was why he asked her along – so she could stop him from losing it at the wrong time. Mason reached out subtly and placed her hand over his right fist. He flinched slightly, but relaxed his hand a little. When she looked up, she saw Victor’s eyes noticing her small act and it made her uncomfortable because she knew he would start to draw the wrong conclusions about them.

“I don’t know how to really explain this without revealing too much, so I’m just going to say it,” Victor said, looking up into Harry’s eyes. Harry didn’t response, he just stared back with a hard look.

“Your mother and I had an on-again off-again affair for nearly a year. We were both unhappy in our marriages, and it seemed like a good idea at the time. I don’t know. I just… I don’t know. I knew about you. I knew she was pregnant with you. We were still together then. I wanted us to… to run away together. She’d leave Des, and I’d leave my wife at the time. We could be a family. Me, her, your sister, and you. I wanted that so much, Harry. You’ve got to believe me,” he said and continued when Harry gave no response.

“Des found out a few weeks before you were born. I don’t know how, but he did. He threatened my job – the career I worked my whole life to get. He threatened to ruin me. He was a very powerful man, and… and I was a weak man back then. Even through all of it, I still went to the hospital the day you were born. I’d never be able to live with myself if I didn’t. I saw you through the window in the nursery and… and I just lost it. I knew what I was going to have to give up and it killed me. You were so beautiful,” Victor explained as his emotions overwhelmed him.

“Des saw me at the hospital and threatened to ruin my career if I ever came around. He said the next time he saw me anywhere near you or your mother he would ruin me without a second thought. I wanted to tell him to shove it – to, to just back off because you were _mine_ , not his. But I knew your mother already made her choice, and it was him. I would be alone no matter what. I wouldn’t have you or her. And I gave in. I gave up,” he continued, bowing his head and wiping his tear-filled eyes. It was emotional watching him.

“About a week and a half after you were born, Des came to see me to make sure I’d truly stay away. He rubbed it in my face that his name was on your birth certificate and that I’d have no rights to you. Another week after that, you all disappeared. Des transferred to another job in another state, and you were just gone. I tried to find out where he transferred to, but all those records were confidential,” Victor continued.

“So you just gave up?” Harry scoffed.

“I didn’t give up. I hired a private investigator to find out where you went. It took the guy about a month to figure out your family moved to New Jersey,” he confessed.

“But you never came for me,” Harry seethed.

“No,” Victor said with a slump of his shoulders.

Harry stood up quickly, startling both Mason and his father as their necks craned up to look at him.

“I-I… every year I had the private investigator find you to make sure you didn’t disappear again. I have pictures of you from every year. You grew up into quite a man,” Victor explained.

“I’m a _mess_ ,” Harry spat angrily at him, and Victor’s smile immediately faded.

“Harry,” Mason breathed, standing up next to him as her hand rested against his shoulder.

“He took it out on me every chance he could. He knew I wasn’t his child, but I didn’t. I got beaten. I got belittled. I got pushed around, while my sister or my brother didn’t get so much as a finger laid on them. Do you know how badly that can fuck a kid up?” Harry growled at his father.

“I-I’m sorry,” Victor stammered, looking genuinely appalled.

“I just found out about you, after twenty-four years. In a drunken rage, he finally let me have it – that I’m _your_ bastard,” Harry laid into him.

“I’m so sorry, Harry. I’m so sorry,” Victor said standing up.

“Yeah,” Harry huffed angrily.

“If I would have known—” He started to say, but Harry cut him off.

“You didn’t even _try_ to know me,” Harry growled at him.

“I’m sorry. I really am. I will live with that guilt for the rest of my life, Harry, believe me,” Victor said, bowing his head in shame.

“Harry,” Mason said, tugging on his arm quickly when she saw a tiny head of dark curly hair peek out from around the chair. Harry’s eyes set on Sasha immediately as his shoulders sank and he let the anger melt away at the sight of her.

“Sasha, sweetheart,” Victor said, holding out his arm for her when he noticed her there too.

Harry took in a ragged breath, watching her tuck herself under her father’s arm, staring up at the two of them.

“This is Sasha, your sister,” Victor said, introducing them.

“ _Jesus_ ,” Harry said quietly under his breath, when he got confirmation she was who he suspected.

“That’s Harry, Daddy,” Sasha said, looking up at him.

“It is,” Victor said, smiling down at her.

“Hi,” Harry said, finally speaking to her.

“Hi,” she said back.

“Harry is you brother, baby. Remember our talk last night?” Victor told the small girl, and they all watched as the confusion displayed all over her face.

“Like Sadie is my sister?” She asked her father.

“Yes, like that,” Victor said, smiling at her.

“But he’s a boy. So… so he’s a brother?” She asked.

“Not just anyone’s brother. He’s yours and Sadie’s brother,” Victor told her.

“And Mason is our sister?” She asked, looking up at her.

“No, sweetie,” Victor chuckled lightly.

“I’m just a friend of Harry’s,” Mason said, smiling at her just as Sadie came back into the room.

“Sadie, come here. I need to introduce you to someone,” Victor told her.

“I already met them,” she told her father.

“But, honey, do you remember last night when mommy and daddy told you about how you have an older brother…” He asked, coaxing her into the room.

“Yeah,” she said with a nod.

“Harry’s our brother,” Sasha said before her father could, and it made Mason bite back a smile.

“Harry’s our brother?” Sadie questioned, looking at Harry, confused.

“Hi,” Harry said awkwardly.

“Hi,” she said, still looking at him skeptically.

“Please, Harry. I’d love it if you could stay so we can talk,” Victor told him.

Harry sighed, and Mason squeezed his hand for support. He looked at her, and she could read it in his face that he wanted to – that this would be the opportunity to get some sort of closure. So she gave him an encouraging head nod and he nodded back.

 

 

 

Harry and Mason spent the next four hours in the clutches of the Reid family – having lunch and getting to know them. Harry was mostly apprehensive, but eventually warmed up, and Mason figured it was mainly because of the two little girls. They spent a while with them, playing _Barbies_ in their room and it was completely awe-inspiring watching Harry with them. He opened up to them so well, and knew how to talk to them and just be with them.

After lunch, Harry made up his mind that it was time for them to leave. But not before his father made plans with him to fly out to New York so they could spend some more time getting to know one another better. It seemed to satisfy Harry. They left after he gave his sisters big hugs and his father a parting hand shake.

It was mostly quiet as they drove out of Albuquerque and headed back to New York. So much happened in a week – it was hard to wrap her head around it all.

“How are you feeling?” Mason asked as they neared the New Mexico/Texas border four hours later.

“I don’t know,” he said with a shrug as he stared out the windshield.

“Do you want to talk about it?” She asked him quietly.

“I don’t know what to say right now,” he said, finally looking at her with a complacent look in his eyes even though she knew his heart and mind were anything but.

“Okay,” she said quietly, looking back out the window.

The hours they spent in silence were almost maddening. As the sun was setting on the Southwestern sky, Mason had to break it.

“Do you remember how I told you I have nightmares where I am always running to find you?” Mason asked. She could tell she startled him, because he nearly jumped to attention as his head snapped to look at her.

“Yeah,” he said with a nod.

“I think that… that we might be connected somehow,” she spoke fast, trying to get her theory out before she held herself back on revealing it.

“Connected?” He questioned, his eyebrows furrowing slightly.

“I just… I mean, I never really noticed a connection until we started this trip,” she stammered.

“What do you mean by connection?” He asked, his eyebrows knitting in a questioning look.

“Like, I don’t know. It seemed like every time I had that nightmare, I would wake up and you’d be… you’d like be having a breakdown in real life. Like, it started with… well, I started connecting it before… I mean, _wow_ ,” Mason explained, having a revelation as she stumbled over her words.

“Wow, what?” He asked, curiously.

“The night you found out about your dad not being your dad… I-I woke up from a really intense nightmare about you. And seriously, like moments later you text me telling me you needed me to come to New Jersey. And… and, a couple of days ago, I woke up from one and you were crying in the hotel room. And this morning, I woke up from one and you were outside smoking weed because everything was overwhelming you. I don’t know. I just… it seems like it’s a pattern. Like, what if every time I ever had one of these nightmares – like even the ones I had after the first time we met – what if you were like calling out to me subconsciously,” Mason stammered as her whole body covered in goose bumps. _What if?_

Harry stared at her longer than he should have as he drove, before his head turned back to the road. There was a weighted silence in the car, lingering over them and her heart was beating so hard in her chest. She needed him to say something, anything.

“Do you understand what you’re saying, Mason?” Harry questioned, his voice slicing through the air in a clipped tone.

“What?” She asked, wondering if maybe she stepped over the line.

“That we’re soul mates. You’re saying we’re soul mates, Mason,” he stated, looking over at her with thunderstorm eyes.

“I—no, that’s not… I didn’t say that,” she stammered, feeling flustered almost immediately. Not only did her cheeks heat up with embarrassment, but so did her entire body.

 _Soul mates?_ She didn’t even believe such a thing existed.

Harry sighed, looking back out on the road ahead, growing quiet again. Why did he look so conflicted when he came to that conclusion? Did it disturb him that badly to have such a connection with her? It didn’t matter when he was putting his dick in her all these years. Why was it such a horrendous thing when they had something like this in common? Mason swallowed back all these questions as she pulled her legs up against her and curled herself up in the passenger seat, watching the world go by through the window.

 

 

 

_“He’ll never love you. Who could ever love you?” His voice was menacing and disturbed Mason greatly as she stood stick straight in the center of her bedroom at her grandmother’s house._

_She looked up to see her uncle Brian leaning in her doorway, his arms crossed casually against his chest. He had a sneer on his lips that haunted her even in her nightmares. Her mind was blank except for the thoughts of growing up with him – back when her parents were still alive. She always looked up to him. He was always fun and knew how to make her giggle, whether it be telling her a funny joke or tickling her until she wanted to puke. She had so many good memories of him, but he was now demonized forever in her brain because of one act that would forever haunt her._

_“You can’t hurt me,” Mason breathed, feeling a sense of confidence she never felt before._

_“What was that?” He snarled, standing fully upright, looking straight at her with domineering eyes._

_“You can’t hurt me anymore,” she said even more confidently than before._

_“You’re joking, right?” He chuckled darkly in a way that was meant to shame her, but she wouldn’t allow it._

_“You can’t hurt me anymore,” Mason yelled, stalking forward as she pushed against his shoulders. And out of nowhere, he vanished and she fell forward._

Mason jarred awake suddenly, startled by the dream. Her chest heaved as her mouth fell open to suck in a breath. She sat up quickly, causing her to go dizzy from the rush to her head.

“Mason?” Harry questioned next to her, and she realized he was still driving. Darkness was all around them.

“Mason, are you okay?” Harry’s voice came out plagued with concern. 

Seconds later, she dropped her face in her hands and burst into tears of relief.

“Mason! Mason, what’s the matter?” Harry asked, sounding panicked as his hand snaked out to rub her back.

Her tears were relentless as she thought about the dream she just had – how she stood up to her uncle, how she saw him for what he really was. He was her uncle and he made an unforgivable mistake in his impaired state all those years ago. She knew she would hold it against him for the rest of her life, but she also knew she couldn’t let it define her anymore. She couldn’t let that one event in her life be the deciding factor for her happiness. Her parents died and it was rough on all of them, but she couldn’t live the way she was living anymore. Maybe it was Harry’s positive outcome with his father that brought her to that point – she didn’t know. But she knew if she wanted things to change in her life, she needed to start somewhere – and this was her somewhere.

“Mason, please. Talk to me,” Harry’s voice was strained with impatience as Mason tried her best to stifle her tears.

“I think I just beat the nightmare of my uncle,” she told him, feeling relief seep through every inch of her body.


	11. Chapter Eleven

**February 2018**

 

Harry drove nearly eleven hours before he stopped for the night. And he only stopped because Mason complained of a stiff neck from being propped up against the door as she slept. It was nearly two o’clock in the morning when Harry pulled over to rent a hotel room in Abilene, Texas. It was late and Mason could feel the exhaustion in her bones.

The two of them were quiet as they walked to the hotel room, and she couldn’t shake the sick feeling in the pit of her stomach when she thought about Harry and what he had been through in the past couple of days. His eyes were blood shot from the long drive, and it made Mason feel bad because she didn’t stay awake with him through the long hours. He probably had so much on his mind after getting all that information about his life, and learning how big of a scandal it was since he was born.

“Harry…” Mason breathed, watching his back as he dug through his luggage and pulled out his shower things.

“Hmm,” he hummed, not even turning around to look at her.

“Are you okay?” She asked softly.

“I’m gonna go take a shower,” he said, ignoring her question as he turned his head and sent her a weak smile before heading into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him, effectively shutting her out.

Mason’s heart ached for him as she sat down on the bed. How much could one person take before they completely broke? She knew this trip wasn’t going to be all _butterflies and rainbows_ , but she wasn’t exactly expecting to hear that Harry’s fake father threatened to ruin his real father if he ever came for Harry. What kind of a human being would do something like that? It really bothered her, especially because of the fact that the man never even treated him like his own son. He treated Harry like garbage his entire life. Why do that to an innocent child?

Mason didn’t even realize she was crying until she felt a tear hit her hand. It surprised her, but at the same time didn’t at all. Harry opened up the dam inside of her on this trip and she hadn’t been able to hold back her emotions since. His presence, his _meddling_ had her crying more than she had in her entire life. He continued to throw her into a tailspin, making her into a mess in the process. She took a deep breath and wiped her eyes, determined to keep the emotions off her face for Harry’s sake. He didn’t need that right now. She could be strong for him, and she would be.

Mason pulled herself off of the bed to dig in her own bag, pulling out her toothbrush. They were once again in one of those nifty hotel rooms that had the bathroom sink outside of the actual bathroom, so she was able to get ready for bed without waiting for Harry to get done in the shower. Quickly, she readied her toothbrush and started to brush her teeth, walking back to her bag to grab clothes to sleep in. Nearly everything she brought with had been worn, so she wasn’t working with much. She sighed as she pulled out a pair of pajama shorts she surprisingly hadn’t worn yet and an old t-shirt she slept in at least a few times during the trip – when she wasn’t naked.

Mason walked back to the sink, hearing the shower running in the bathroom, but what she heard along with it nearly broke her heart. Harry was crying. She could hear it through the door of the bathroom, over the rush of the shower water. He was crying, and her heart squeezed tightly in her chest as her breathing became ragged. Why did it break her heart so badly to hear him breaking down? She had only been witness to Harry crying two other times and each time broke her heart a little more. She never wanted him to be sad. She couldn’t handle the thought of him being so unhappy that tears were necessary.

Mason quickly spit out her toothpaste and rinsed her toothbrush as she hovered outside the bathroom door wondering whether or not she should go in and talk to him. What if he needed her?

“Harry?” Mason called, knocking lightly as she cracked open the door.

“Yeah?” He said just loud enough so she could hear him over the sound of the shower.

“Are you okay?” She asked, opening the door a little wider. He didn’t answer, but she swore she heard a tiny whimper escape his lips, and it tore at her.

Mason stepped inside of the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. He needed her. Or at least she hoped. She knew he needed something, and she was the only person there to help him. She wasn’t quite sure how she was going to help him though, because in the past when he _needed_ her he would just send her a text and she’d come running. But now he wasn’t coming to her – he was crying in the bathroom alone.

With a deep breath, Mason managed to pull all of the clothing off her shaking body before she tip-toed toward the shower. He was either going to accept her coming to comfort him or reject her flat out. And to be completely honest, she was not prepared for the latter. 

“Harry?” Mason called again, hoping he would respond.

“Mason,” she heard him say quietly, and she knew he was reaching out.

She stepped into the shower to be met with his backside which was hunched over as he stood underneath the spray, his face in his hands. 

“Harry,” she cooed, placing her hand on his back.

“I’m fine. I’m fine,” he said, turning around to look at her with a weak smile.

“Harry, you’re not fine,” she said, shaking her head sadly.

“I’m fine, Mason. I swear,” he told her again, but he couldn’t convince her.

“Please don’t lie to me,” she whispered, and his eyes just stared back into her.

“Talk to me,” she pressed.

“You know everything,” he said just as quietly. Mason nodded her head in understanding.

“I’m here, Harry,” she told him, reaching out her hand.

He watched her for a few moments before his hand grasped hers and gently tugged her to his body. Their fronts sloshed together under the wet spray of the shower. She felt his hand come up to tangle his fingers in the back of her hair, keeping her pressed against him. And he and the water were so inviting.

“You’re always there for me, Mason,” he murmured, his lips so close to her ear.

“You’re there for me too, Harry,” she retorted, turning her head so she could look up into his eyes.

“I don’t think you know how much it means to me,” he told her cryptically.

She really _didn’t_ know. He could say it meant something to him, but how would she know? Except for maybe she could see it in the look in his eyes – the way he looked at her so contently, like he meant every single syllable of every single word. It gave her goose bumps on her warmed skin.

Both of Harry’s hands came up to gently hold her head at the base of her neck as he looked straight into her eyes, watching her, captivating her. He had a way of possessing her. He always did.

“Can we just have a night – a night where everything is just okay? Can we just be with each other for one night without the weight of the world on our shoulders?” Harry asked, sounding breathless and utterly sexy in the way the words rolled off his tongue, like it would be their last night on earth.

Mason’s eyes swelled with intensity as she looked back into his. She didn’t know how to answer him without just blurting out _yes_. She never was the kind of person who was comfortable in situations like these, even though she wanted it particularly bad in the moment. But lucky enough for her, Harry was well-versed in reading her body language, because soon enough his lips were pressed firmly against hers, and her mouth was opening up to his in a way to make him understand that she craved him.

The shower was drenching them underneath its stream, but neither of them minded as their mouths melded together methodically. Their bodies were pressed together, slipping and sliding against one another as their kisses took on a life of their own. Harry’s hand slid down her collarbone before coming down to palm her breast, squeezing gently, never breaking the kiss. Mason moaned lightly against his mouth when his thumb flicked across the hardening bud of her nipple. Pleasure raced through her from that one act, and she felt the fire for him growing deep within her. She could feel him hardening against her thigh, and it was maddening knowing he wanted her just as badly as she wanted him.

“ _Fuck_ , Harry,” Mason whimpered as she pulled away slightly, wondering what the hell they were doing with each other. If he wanted to just be normal, then maybe it wasn’t such a good idea they went down this road with each other.

“What’s the matter?” He asked quietly. His eyes watched her and she could tell he was trying to read her mood.

She didn’t know how to answer, because really, there was nothing _the matter_ in the moment. It was just – sometimes she just couldn’t deal with life. 

“Here,” she said, reaching out to grab his shampoo bottle, squirting a dollop in her hand.

“You’re going to wash my hair?” He asked, smirking at her.

“Sure, why not?” She said, smirking back as she dumped the contents of her palm on the top of his head.

“Okay,” he laughed out loud, dropping his head down slightly as she began to work the shampoo through his hair with her fingers.

“I haven’t been shampooed since I was little,” Harry said quietly, and she could _hear_ the smile on his lips through his words even though she couldn’t see his face.

“To be honest, I haven’t actually ever shampooed anyone before,” she told him, sliding her hands through his recently shortened hair.

“You’re doing a good job. I have goose bumps,” he chuckled, reaching out his arm to show her.

“Lean your head back,” she told him as she retracted her arms to her sides. He tipped his head up, smiling at her before he did what she asked and put his head back into the stream of water to rinse it.

Mason watched as he rinsed all of the shampoo out of his hair, her eyes occasionally dropping shamelessly down his beautifully built frame. Looking at him in a moment like that was almost too much. How was it that she ever found someone like him? How did they find each other through the billions of souls on the planet? Why was she drawn to him – and him to her?

Mason’s eyes scanned up his body, and she got flustered when she realized he was staring contently back at her with a smirk on his lips. She bit back a smile as she fumbled for his body wash and held it out for him awkwardly.

“You’re not going to wash me?” He asked, causing her stomach to flip and her cheeks to immediately heat up.

“How about I wash your hair?” He asked, putting the bottle back down, grabbing his shampoo.

“Okay,” she said quietly, turning her back to him.

“I hope you don’t mind smelling like a dude,” he chuckled lightly as he began soaping up her hair.

“I like your smell. It’s comforting,” she told him honestly, biting her lip after realizing how honest it was.

“Good to know,” he said, his voice growing serious as his fingers moved gently through her hair. Much like Harry, goose bumps erupted on her skin as he massaged her scalp. It was soothing.

“Ready to rinse?” He asked, snapping her out of her daze.

Mason turned to look at him and nodded her head. Quickly, Harry gripped onto her arms and spun them so she was under the shower stream and he was standing in front of her. She dipped her head back into the water and cleansed her hair until all of the soap was out, appreciating the warm water that relaxed all of her sore muscles.

She felt Harry’s hand slide down her abdomen, breaking her out of her revelry. She quickly tipped her head forward to look at him. His eyes were soft and unblinking, and she knew that maybe none of this was a good idea. Maybe this was just too intimate. Maybe this whole trip was a string of bad ideas. But she was never good at deciphering between good and bad.

Mason took a tiny step toward him, and she told herself it was to get out from under the water, but when his hand fell to her hip and pulled her forward, she knew it was the exact outcome she wanted. Her body was pressed against his again, and he looked down into her eyes so contently. She had no explanation for anything she was feeling.

“I don’t have any conditioner for your hair,” he said quietly, running his free hand through the ends of her strands.

“It’s okay,” she told him, sounding more breathless than she meant to.

Harry’s eyes watched her. Maybe he was waiting for her to pull away again. Maybe he was fighting his own mind on whether or not it was a good idea. She didn’t know. She just knew her body purred for him, and she was certain she could feel his humming for her.

As if he had thought long enough, Harry leaned down quickly, kissing her lips, capturing her bottom lip between his. It was such a simple kiss, but somehow it felt so near perfect she could cry. When he pulled away a sigh escaped her mouth as her hand came up to touch her lips. And without a word, Harry leaned passed her to shut off the water, and opened the shower curtain with his other hand. 

“Come on,” he said quietly as he stepped out, grabbing a towel off the shelf.

Mason watched him, feeling like a wet lost puppy. But he coaxed her out and wrapped a towel around her shoulders before grabbing another one and started to dry her hair. After a moment, Mason reached out, stilling his hands as she turned toward him. 

“What?” He asked, looking into her eyes.

“I came in here to comfort you,” she pointed out.

“You did comfort me,” he told her, his words sounding honest enough for her to believe them.

“I just…” Mason croaked, bowing her head.

“We’re not thinking of the bad stuff tonight, Mason. Remember?” Harry reminded her.

“Yeah,” she whispered, nodding her head as she looked back up into his eyes.

It felt like there was a whole conversation being spoken within their gaze. There were feelings inside of her she was trying like hell to suppress, but she was certain he knew all her secrets already anyway. He read her so well after all these years. So she dropped her guard as best she could, pushing herself up onto her tip-toes and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. His hands instantly found her hips, pulling her to his body once again. They were still wet, but that didn’t matter.

“Please don’t hold back, and don’t pull away. Not tonight,” Harry breathed against her lips. She took in his words and nodded her head in compliance.

His arms wrapped tightly around her as he kissed her and walked her backwards, opening the bathroom door. The towels fell away from their bodies as they maneuvered toward the bed, leaving them in a heap on the floor. Mason stubbed her toe against Harry’s foot, but she didn’t let it deter them.

“ _Mm_ , Mason,” Harry moaned pleasingly against her lips as one arm held her close to his body, and the other came up to grip the back of her neck.

Mason’s hands slipped seamlessly up his naked wet back, not letting too much time pass between kisses. Harry was all she wanted in those moments – more than the air she breathed, more than any other sustenance her body needed to survive. And she tried not to think about what that actually meant. Yet Harry’s presence made it hard to think of anything but him. So she focused on the beating of his heart, and his skin on her skin, and his lips on her lips. 

Mason broke away from him only to slide onto the bed, looking back up at him. He watched her, his eyes taking all of her in before he knelt down on the mattress and connected their lips again. The blankets on the bed soaked up the beads of water that still clung to her skin as Harry dampness continued to shower her with more. 

“Mason,” he breathed against the skin of her collarbone as he bowed his head, taking a breath.

She wrapped her legs around his lower half, pressing him against her, and they both let out a groan in response. The need she felt for him was consuming her. It was different from every other time she _needed_ him. This was less desperate, less of her searching for peace. Her mind was already at peace, it was her body that was in need of Harry’s sating.

She felt Harry’s hand snake down the front of her body, and she knew what it meant. She knew he was as ready as she was. When she felt his fingers slide down her cleft and sink into her, she knew he was just making sure she was ready for him. She moaned lowly, her fingertips digging into the flesh of his back as his fingers slid effortlessly in and out of her a few times before he completely pulled them out.

Mason’s heart beat wildly in her chest, waiting for him to press inside of her. She would never admit it out loud, but she craved the sex they had the night they _made love_. Harry would never understand what he did to her. He would never know the depth he brought her to. She was sunk like an anchor in his ocean. That night changed everything for her, and ruined her all at once.

When he finally slipped inside of her, a content hum fell out of her mouth, pleased he was giving her what she silently screamed for. She was the addict that refused help. She was happily drowning.

Harry pulled up one of her legs, holding it against his hip as he slowly built up his rhythm inside of her. Her body purred for him, wanting more of what she was already getting, and Harry’s quiet little kisses on her skin only added to it all. 

“Harry, _oh_. Oh, God,” Mason groaned, gripping onto him tightly as her back arched away from the mattress.

“You’re so beautiful,” Harry breathed into the nape of her neck as he continued working in and out of her. 

His comment left her mind reeling, but not for long because the pleasure racing through her body almost made her dizzy, like she wasn’t getting enough oxygen to her brain. And maybe it was because of the tiny gasps she was taking in, replacing any kind of normal breathing. The pleasure completely engulfed her, and she felt the tugging of her orgasm deep within her.

“ _Oh, God_ ,” Mason moaned breathlessly as she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and dug her face into his shoulder.

Harry did his best to keep his thrusts even as she held him tightly, and she was so grateful for it when her orgasm completely consumed her. Her arms fell away from him as her body relaxed against the mattress, her chest heaving, trying to drag in the oxygen she was depriving herself of before. Harry continued, gripping onto her hips as he moved faster and slicker against her. The aftershocks of her orgasm were almost more intense and she was left pawing at the sheets as Harry rocketed through his own end. And then he was falling forward against her, his breathing heavy in her ear.

“Don’t hold back, and don’t pull away,” Harry whispered again as he relaxed against her, his body sliding to her side, but still intertwined with her own. She didn’t really know what he meant now that they finished each other off, but she didn’t move in case it was against what he wanted.

“Relax, Mason,” he insisted, and only then did she realize her body was stiff underneath his as she wondered if she was doing everything wrong.

“I don’t know how to be with you,” she admitted quietly. Harry sighed, running his nose along the top of her shoulder blade.

“Just _be_ ,” he told her. 

Mason took in a ragged breath and tried her best to relax in his arms, and she felt like she was doing a pretty good job, except she knew any other person didn’t have to think that hard about _being_ with another person. 

“I’m flawed,” Mason sighed, feeling defeated by her own short-comings.

“So am I,” he pointed out.

“I-I can’t even like, enjoy this because I’m just… I’m just thinking too much. Like, who can’t just _do_ this? _I_ can’t. I can’t just lay here with you and just _be_. I’m too much of a mess. I feel too much, and not enough at the same time,” Mason spoke fast as she pulled away from him.

“No, no. Mason,” Harry said, reaching out to her, trying to pull her back to him.

“Harry,” she sighed.

“You’re learning. I can teach you,” he said, sounding slightly desperate.

“I’m not the girl you want. I can promise you that,” Mason whispered, feeling a lump in her throat as her emotions tugged at her body and mind.

“You don’t know that, Mason,” Harry sighed, shutting his eyes as he shook his head lightly.

“How could you? I’m a girl that can’t love,” she said as her tears slipped out of her eyes.

Harry didn’t answer. He leaned over, gripped her face in his hands, and kissed her lips.

“Don’t cry,” he breathed against her mouth.

“I’m sorry. Why do I do this? What’s wrong with me? I’m sorry,” she muttered as she wiped her eyes.

“There’s nothing wrong with you, Mason. You just need to learn how to accept gratification and contentment. Let your mind and your heart rest. You’re safe,” he told her, trying to comfort her. She nodded her head as her fingers slipped underneath her eyes, wiping away the tears.

“Here. Get under the blankets,” Harry offered, tugging them down so she could slide into them, and pulled them up over her naked body before he got up from the bed.

Mason watched him walk toward the bathroom, shutting off both lights before he returned to the bed and slid in next to her.

“It’s late. We both need to get some sleep,” he said as he pulled the blankets up his body.

“Yeah,” she said as she pulled her hair up into a wet mess of a ponytail and laid down against the pillow. 

Their eyes connected for a few moments before Harry leaned in to kiss her lips softly in a perfect goodnight kiss. She was left silently cursing herself for being so incredibly inept that she couldn’t just appreciate what she had right in front of her. Harry shut off the bedside light, leaving the room in complete darkness. He didn’t reach out and try to hold her. She was certain she scared him off, and it almost hurt knowing he didn’t feel comfortable enough to even touch her again. After long moments of silence and stillness, she turned toward Harry and wrapped her arm around his torso.

“Here. Hold on,” he breathed through the darkness as he pulled his arm out from underneath her, and let her snuggle in the crook of his arm before wrapping it around her.

And it was the first time she had willingly fallen asleep in a man’s arms. He was her first for so much.


	12. Chapter Twelve

**February 2018**

 

The drive back to New York covered the same distance, the same roads, yet it took them less time. Harry drove longer through the nights before stopping. There was less talking, and less sex. They were just _existing_. From Texas to the east coast, they didn’t lay a hand on one another. The days and nights felt lonely by his side, but Harry had his own demons he was trying to work through and Mason didn’t want to get in the way. He wasn’t reaching out, and she didn’t know how to help him along any better than she knew how to help herself.

As they drove through Virginia, Mason couldn’t help but be amazed by the beauty America held, and how liberating it was to have gone on a nearly coast-to-coast excursion like she and Harry did – even if there were dark under-tones along the way. The country-side was awe-inspiring literally everywhere they traveled – places she never had a chance to see, nor would she probably ever see again. She felt good for a few long moments as she soaked up the last few rays of sunshine before the icy weather of February hit them again as they travelled further North East. Their trip was almost over and she was not looking forward to going back to her lonely apartment; back to her mediocre job; back to her uneventful shitty existence.

But thus was life. 

“Do you realize we spent part of Valentine’s Day together?” Mason heard Harry quietly ask over the light hum of the radio as he drove a particularly long stretch of highway.

“What?” She choked out. She was sure she heard him right, but it threw her off that he was even bringing it up.

She didn’t bother to even acknowledge Valentine’s Day since the eighth grade when she dated her last boyfriend – and even then it sucked. 

“We did,” he said, looking over at her momentarily before his eyes fell back onto the road.

“Oh,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper as her cheeks heated up thinking about being with him on a day made for true lovers.

She racked her brain wondering when the hell he was talking about. She knew when Valentine’s Day was calendar-wise, but lately all the days blended together into one big cluster-fuck.

“It was the day after my parent’s anniversary,” he told her, his eyes still on the road.

“Oh,” she said again, flinching when he spoke of his parents, her stomach turning violently thinking about _everything_.

“The night you came to me in New Jersey,” he clarified, even though she already understood.

“It was already Valentine’s Day by the time you got there,” he reminded her. 

She didn’t even know what to say. How was she supposed to react to something like that?

“I spent Valentine’s sleeping with you rather than being with my girlfriend,” he said, and her nerves continued to ravage her body and mind.

“Casey called that morning because she wanted to have brunch with me – a Valentine’s brunch, but I was literally so wrapped up in you, and my own head and… and I just… I didn’t even fucking remember it was Valentine’s Day. Casey was pissed at me – incredibly pissed. And then—then we left on this road trip a few days later and I broke up with her a few days after that,” Harry said, shaking his head.

“Harry, why are you telling me this?” Mason asked him quietly. He looked over at her with big round, vulnerable eyes before he shook his head and went back to watching the road.

“I don’t know. I don’t—it’s whatever,” he said, shrugging his shoulders, virtually closing himself off. She felt bad immediately. She only ever wanted to help him, and somehow now she was hindering him.

The silence between them was deafening. Mason regretted cutting him off, but it physically plagued her to hear him speak about them on Valentine’s Day, and Casey. It was never good for her when the hole in her heart filled with unrelenting pressure from thoughts and feelings she didn’t want to deal with. But that was what she was left with.

“What was it like—the… the sex with Casey?” Mason found herself stammering, feeding her self-sabotaging, masochistic mind. It was inappropriate and she regretted it the second it fell from her lips, but she couldn’t get herself to cut him off before he had a chance to answer.

“What?” Harry choked, his head snapping in her direction with a look of pure panic on his face.

“I mean… I-I overheard her talking about it—I mean, I don’t know. _Jesus Christ_ , Harry. Don’t make me repeat the question,” Mason said, stumbling over her words and the thoughts in her head.

“Why—why would you want to know something like that?” He asked, his voice laced with shock and awe.

“I don’t know. I’ve always been kind of curious. _Jesus_. I don’t know. I’ve shared you with her for years, Harry. I’ve wondered, okay. Just—I don’t know,” Mason said, feeling sick over their conversation as her face dropped into her hands. She felt like the most foolish person on planet earth in that moment, but it was true – she always wondered.

“It—I don’t know. It was just sex,” he said, and she caught the shrug of his shoulders out of the corner of her eye.

“Just sex?” Mason breathed, wondering if he felt that way about what _they_ did with each other.

“It’s not the same as with you, Mason,” he said, looking over at her, like he was reading her god damn mind.

“Not the same?” She whispered, meeting his gaze for the first time since she started this miserable conversation.

“Sex with you serves a purpose,” he told her, refocusing on the long stretch of highway in front of them.

“So… you were using one of us – and right now I’m really failing to comprehend which one it was. Or was it both?” Mason asked him evenly.

She wasn’t accusing him. She knew all along their relationship had some level of exploitation, but it went both ways – and she was on board with it as much as he was.

“Sex with you _serves a purpose_ , Mason. You feel it just as much as I do – you _need_ it that bad too,” Harry reiterated, looking at her as his eyes became slightly fiery as he got defensive, which she did not mean to bring about in him.

“I wasn’t accusing, Harry. I was just wondering. I know what our sex means. I’ve known from the beginning, and I have been a willing participant from the very first day,” Mason explained to him, trying to soothe his mood. He sighed, running his free hand down his face as the fight drained out of him.

“She… she thought you were cheating on her – or at least she was starting to catch on, because you know… you were,” Mason breathed, confessing something she held onto for nearly two months.

“What?” He asked, looking at her wide-eyed.

“After New Year’s… Casey—she told April she thought you were cheating on her because you left the party early and… and you weren’t having sex with her very much… or at all. I don’t know. I can’t remember which one it was,” Mason said, shaking her head, trying to remember the day it all came about.

“She… she said that?” He asked, looking pale-faced.

“Yeah. She said you had been distant,” Mason said quietly, looking out the window, looking away from the remorse she could see on his face.

“Casey was a façade – my whole relationship with her,” Harry said quietly, causing Mason to look at him as he explained his side – a side she learned so well just by being around the two of them. But she never heard Harry admit to it, or explain it.

“I met her and she… she was so into me, and I thought, yeah—maybe I could do this. Maybe I could pretend. And the pretending just came so easily, and I realized it helped to ease people’s minds about me. My mom and Gemma and Reese stopped constantly asking me if I was okay, or trying to help me through life every fucking second. I had a girlfriend, and I could pretend to be happy even if I didn’t feel it with her. She was a front I put up to block everyone out. But then—then you came along. I saw you that night at that party and I just, I felt like I could breathe again. I don’t even know how to explain it. I remember meeting you at that club, Mason. I remembered so much about you. You were trying to forget, just as much as I was. And I took you home and I felt like we really connected, but then you were gone in the morning. I didn’t even know your name. It took me a while to even comprehend it even happened, that I even met you. I thought I made you up in a dream or something. But then I saw you at that party and all those feelings came back to me, and I was just _relieved_ ,” Harry explained, his voice coming out exasperated at points.

Mason stared at the side of his face as he spoke, her mouth agape and her heart clenched in her chest, because everything he explained – every word he spoke about them – was exactly how she felt.

“And I knew after getting to know you again that you weren’t ready for anything to really _transpire_ between us – anything besides the sex, the getting each other off, you know, filling the _needs_ inside of us. I knew you weren’t ready, so I never pushed it. And I was selfish, Mason. I should have never asked for so much from you when I was still stringing Casey along. But I was selfish, and I couldn’t let you go. And I couldn’t let her go, because I couldn’t go back to the way my mom and them looked at me. I couldn’t stand their pity. But you—you looked at me, and saw _me_ , Mason. You saw me for who I was, not for the part I played; and I will never break away from that. You saw me when no one else could. You saw the pain I lived with, and you did everything you could to help me. And no one has ever done that for me. No one has ever known me down to my soul like you have, Mason. And I was selfish. I was so selfish. I’m sorry, Mason. I’m so sorry,” Harry’s words tore through her, along with his emotions as he began to cry. Tears streaked down her face as her heart shredded into pieces.

“I’m sorry,” he said again, wiping at his eyes.

Mason reached out, pulling his hand away from his face as she slid her hand down his, palm-to-palm, intertwining their fingers.

“It’s okay, Harry,” Mason whispered, bringing the back of his hand up to her lips for a tiny kiss before she brought it back down, holding it between them.

“I’m sorry,” he whimpered, plaguing her further.

“It’s okay,” she told him once again, resting her head against his shoulder, letting him know without words she was there for him. 

They rode in silence as the sun burned hot in the sky overhead. Their tears subsided, but Mason knew both of their hearts and minds were plagued with the past they shared together. And she knew there was really nothing either of them could do about it but move on. But she also knew, like most things in life, it was easier said than done.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**March 2018**

 

February turned into March and it felt as if they’d been on the road much longer than the seven days they were gone. The car was confining, but so were Mason’s feelings for Harry. Nothing about him was perfect, but he was absolutely perfect in the way she thought of him. She was not accustomed to feeling anything like that before. Her feelings were strong and urgent and made her incredibly uncomfortable – especially when she spent long days and even longer nights half an arm’s length away from him.

“Hey, Mase,” she heard Harry ask as they stood across the room from one another in a Maryland hotel room they rented for the night.

They were near the border of Pennsylvania, only four hours left until they were home. But they had been on the road for nearly ten hours and were both exhausted. Mason had a feeling they were both silently praying for one more night away from their lives in New York.

“Yeah…” Mason replied, looking over her shoulder at him as she paused scrounging in her bag for clothes that wouldn’t make her look absolutely gross.

“I’ve got one last joint. Wanna smoke with me?” He asked, smirking at her as he held it between his fingertips. 

A smile ravaged her face as she appreciated the fact he was actually asking her to join him. But then it quickly faded when she remembered he said he only smoked when he was anxious or overwhelmed about something.

“Are you sure?” She asked, feeling her cheeks heat up.

“Of course I’m sure,” he chuckled, walking toward the hotel room door, zipping up his jacket.

“Are you coming?” He asked as he turned his head to look at her, slightly cocking his eyebrow.

“Y-yeah,” she stammered and followed him out of the hotel room replacing her coat on her body as the door slammed with their exit.

Mason followed him out the side entrance of the hotel and across the parking lot toward the car, where they both crouched down behind it, sitting on the pavement in the darkness, out of view from anyone. Mason watched Harry light the joint, sucking in a few puffs and letting the smoke expel from his mouth before he took a real hit off of it. He was always so much smoother at it than she was. She always felt like she looked like an idiot smoking this shit, because really, she had no idea what she was doing. She was not familiar with weed culture. She only ever smoked with him. He taught her everything she knew about it just by observing him, and it really wasn’t that much.

As Harry passed the joint to Mason, their eyes connected for a quiet moment, and there were so many questions racing through her brain – so many things she wanted to ask him. But instead, she sucked in a hit and ignored the tugging in her mind and heart.

They were silent for long moments, and Mason wondered if Harry had as much on his mind as she did. And when she looked over at him, watching as his gaze wandered the horizon, she knew he certainly did.

“Are you okay?” Mason asked quietly, hoping she wasn’t prying. His head turned toward her as his eyebrows furrowed in question.

“I’m fine, Mase,” he offered, shortening her name in that perfect fucking way he did.

“I just… I mean, you told me you only smoke when you’re anxious. I just—” Mason stammered, feeling stupid for even asking.

She hated how often she found herself asking that question, feeling as if she was on the same page as his mother and siblings constantly asking him the same thing – a confession he spilled to her just a day before.

“I wanted to smoke with you. I wanted to invite you for once,” he said with a tiny smirk.

“Oh,” Mason said quietly, her mouth going dry as she pried her eyes away from him, looking out onto the horizon where the streetlamps lit up the street in the distance.

“Hey,” Harry said, lightly knocking the side of his arm into hers.

“Hmm,” she hummed, looking over at him.

“Are _you_ okay?” He asked with a quiet smile.

“I’m a little anxious,” she admitted, but she wouldn’t admit to him where most of her anxiety was deriving from – _him_.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked, his voice low, his eyes staring into hers.

“I just—I’m nervous to go back home, you know?” She confessed only a part of it.

“Don’t I know it,” he sighed, understanding completely.

“Yeah,” she breathed quietly.

“I’m not looking forward to anything back at home,” Harry went on to say, and Mason knew he had a whole hell of a lot more to be nervous about than she did. She didn’t know how to respond, so she didn’t say anything.

“It’s fucking cold out here,” Harry said after a few moments of silence.

“It is,” Mason laughed lightly, noticing her teeth were quietly chattering as her body shook with sparse tremors.

“Come on,” he laughed, getting up quickly, grabbing for her hand to help her up. 

Mason grasped his hand in hers and he pulled her up against his body, smiling fondly at her.

“Come on. Let’s go back to the room. Last night away from home,” he said, the smile never fading off his lips.

“Last night,” she repeated, the words coming out in more of a whisper. 

Harry tugged on her hand and started pulling her toward the hotel. She couldn’t help the giggle that escaped her lips as her feet had to take two steps to make up for his one long stride. She was so high, and everything was funny to her. When they reached the side door of the hotel, Mason slammed into Harry’s back with an ‘ _oof’_ , not realizing they were stopping. Another giggle bubbled up inside of her, and it made Harry laugh too.

“Key?” Harry asked, holding out his hand.

“What do you mean? _You_ have the key,” Mason told him, looking at him oddly.

“Nah-uh. I handed you one,” he said, looking at her wide-eyed as he quickly dug his hands into all of his jeans pockets before searching his jacket pockets.

“I stuck it in my purse and my purse is… in the room,” she told him, just as wide-eyed as he was, and that was saying something because of how incredibly high they were.

“I set mine down on the dresser,” Harry said, his shoulders slumping with the realization.

“I don’t even have my phone on me,” she told him.

“Mine is next to the key,” he sighed, disappointment apparent on his face.

Mason stood looking at him, her mouth agape as her brain tried to comprehend just what the fuck it meant for them. It was less than 40 degrees and nearly midnight in the middle of some random-ass Maryland town, and they were locked out of their hotel room.

“Well, _fuck_ ,” Harry said, still staring at Mason, coming to the same shit conclusion she did – they were fucked.

“What are we going to do?” Mason asked him, feeling her heart start to beat faster in her chest as the panic set in.

“I don’t know,” he said, shaking his head.

They stood there for a few moments, looking and feeling like complete morons. And that’s when Harry started laughing, which in turn made Mason laugh. Soon the two of them were doubled over in uncontrollable fits of laughter. How the hell could it get any worse for them? Their lives were filled with these magical shit storms that piled more and more onto their shoulders, and sometimes they couldn’t even breathe from everything weighing them down.

“ _Jesus fucking Christ_ ,” Harry grumbled as his laughter died off. He let out a loud, frustrated scream that pierced through the stillness of the night. Mason’s smile faded immediately. She knew exactly how he felt.

“Can we… can we go ask for another key?” She asked him quietly.

“You need a key to get into the main door of the hotel after a certain hour,” Harry frowned.

“But… we could try. I mean, even if we’re locked out, we can wait in that entrance part for someone to open the door. It’s got to be warmer than it is out here,” Mason suggested as she shivered, feeling the coldness on every inch of her body.

“I guess we could try,” he said, shrugging his shoulders.

The two of them walked toward the entrance together in silence, hoping for a miracle.

“I’m so high right now,” Mason breathed, feeling out-of-her-mind in the moment.

“Me too,” Harry laughed out loud as they reached the doors to the entrance and went inside the small vestibule to wait for someone to let them in.

For the first twenty minutes they stood in the small space, leaning against opposite walls from each other. They were silent and bored, and when the exhaustion got too much, Mason slid her body down the wall and rested her head against it.

“Here,” Harry said, coming to sit next to her.

“Lay your head on my shoulder. It’s got to be more comfortable than the wall,” he offered.

“Remind me to never smoke with you again,” Mason quipped, her eyes heavily lidded with sleep. Harry laughed out loud at her sarcasm.

“You would have come to find me anyway,” he chuckled lightly.

“You’re probably right,” she said quietly giving him an amused smile.

“I know I’m right,” he said with a satisfied snicker.

“I have terrible cotton-mouth right now,” Mason grumbled as she laid her head against his shoulder.

“We could make-out. You know, swap spit,” Harry offered, craning his head to look at her with a smirk on his face.

“Gross! When you put it like that!” Mason giggled, lifting her head up so she could shove his arm.

“I’m kidding. Calm down,” he laughed, wrapping his arm around her, pulling her back to his side. And she once again got comfortable against him, letting her eyes slip shut.

When Mason woke up, she was curled up against the wall with her head on Harry’s lap. Harry was quietly coaxing her awake as she noticed a man holding the door open for them. 

“He’s gonna get us our key,” Harry told her as he helped her up.

It took about ten minutes for the guy to verify it was definitely Harry who rented the hotel room, and they were handed another key card. 

“Come on, sleepy-head,” Harry cooed, smiling lightly at her. He looked just as tired and worn down as she did. She was certain he fell asleep too.

“What time is it?” Mason asked as they walked through the hallway back toward their room.

“The clock at the desk said it was after three. That guy was the night manager,” Harry informed her.

“You mean to tell me we just slept in that entryway for three hours?” Mason gapped, looking at him wide-eyed.

“Yep,” he breathed as they finally reached their room.

“ _Jesus Christ_ ,” Mason breathed as he let them in.

All the lights were still on and their bags were hanging open just how they left them. Mason was in no mood to get ready for bed. She was absolutely exhausted.

“I’m so tired,” she grumbled as she threw off her coat and immediately pulled off her pants, leaving her in just her underwear and shirt as she crawled up into the bed.

“So am I,” Harry said as he took of his own coat and walked over to his bag, throwing off his t-shirt.

“I am going to sleep like a baby,” she sighed as she slipped off her bra through the inside of her shirt and tossed it onto the floor.

“Have you been having anymore nightmares since… since you had that last one about your uncle?” Harry said, wincing almost immediately after he asked.

“Um… not that I remember,” she said quietly, now only thinking about her nightmares.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up,” he said quietly, looking genuinely remorseful.

“It’s okay,” she told him, giving him a weak smile.

“I shouldn’t have… especially right before bed,” he said, shaking his head.

“It’s alright, Harry,” Mason said quietly, watching as he walked toward his side of the bed.

Her stomach flipped as he undid his pants and quietly slipped out of them before getting into the bed next to her. She didn’t know why she was acting like it was the first time they were ever in that kind of situation. She hated herself for the feelings racing through her. She hadn’t felt like this since high school. And in that moment, she realized she was starting to develop a _crush_ on Harry. Could she even call it that? Did people her age, or people with as many issues as she had develop such things? And the only thing that went through her brain to answer her questions was, _you’re only human_.

Mason laid down next to Harry, her cheeks heated up into a wild blush, and she tried to regulate her breathing so she could actually get some sleep.

“Goodnight, Mase,” he breathed as he turned off the light, leaving them in the darkness. Her stomach flipped again with the nickname.

“’Night, Harry,” she said almost inaudibly as she stared up at the ceiling, her eyes open, even though she couldn’t see anything. 

Every particle of her body was wide-awake as she relived all of their encounters over the past seven days. Even encounters they had in the past three years. Why was she only now having these ridiculous feelings for him? She felt like an adolescent. But she was almost certain the feelings developed because of the road trip, because of the long hours spent together. They actually got to know each other. In the past seven days Mason learned more about Harry than she did in all of the three years he was in her life. She made it a point before not to get to know him. She needed him for one thing, and one thing alone, and she wasn’t willing to blur the lines. That was until Harry’s breakdown in his childhood bedroom. That was when it all started. She broke her cardinal rule, and for that, she was suffering the consequences.

“Mase?” Harry asked through the stillness, startling her enough to cause her body to flinch from the invasion of noise.

“Hmm,” she hummed as her heart raced.

“I can’t sleep,” he said quietly as a soft sigh escaped his mouth.

“I can’t either,” she told him truthfully.

He sighed again, but didn’t say anything else. Mason almost thought he fell asleep when his breathing evened out, but once again, he startled her by putting his arm around her waist, snuggling up to her. She froze for a few moments, still kind of convinced he was sleeping, but when she felt his lips kiss her jaw, she knew she was wrong.

He didn’t stop with the one kiss either. His lips moved down her jaw line, leaving a tingling pattern on her skin. She felt herself melting to it immediately as his soft fingertips snaked up into her shirt, dancing across the skin of her abdomen. 

 _Jesus Christ_. 

“ _Harry_ ,” Mason said, but to her surprise, it came out as more of a moan, which only encouraged him.

She felt his hand cup her bare breast underneath her shirt, and her lower half tingled with anticipation. His lips found hers and she turned her head toward his, fully accepting the kiss. Her body relaxed and melded with his as he tangled his legs with hers. She could feel him hardening against her thigh through the thin fabric of his boxer briefs, and it threw her head into a tailspin. Sex was always just sex with them – a way to feel, a way to survive. Except now her new found feelings made it something completely different, and she wasn’t sure how to handle herself.

As their kisses grew more aggressive and more passionate, Harry pulled himself up, hovering above her. Mason opened her legs to him, letting him settle between them before he pressed his lower half against her. She moaned against his mouth as the tingling of pleasure grew deep within her as they got one step closer to where she wanted to be. Harry’s hand slid down her bare thigh, bringing it up against his hip so he had easier access to press his hardness against her center, driving her absolutely insane in the process.

“Harry,” Mason moaned again, closing her eyes tightly, trying to rein herself in.

“Mason,” he breathed against her lips in the sexiest voice she had ever heard.

“Why is this so easy for us?” She whispered, trying to find his eyes through the darkness.

“Our bodies know one another, Mason – _fondly_ ,” Harry replied easily, pushing up her t-shirt, exposing her breasts. 

His head came down to take a nipple in his mouth, and another moan escaped her lips as her fingers gripped in his hair. He thoroughly teased and nipped and tongued the first nipple before moving onto the second, repeating the same torturous process, bringing her body to the brink as she writhed against him.

“Ohmygod, _please_ ,” Mason mumbled, her skin heating up to what felt like a thousand degrees as her body begged and ached for him.

“I only ever want to _please_ you, Mason,” Harry breathed against her lips before kissing them.

She moaned in response, her brain not properly functioning as she was sure it was filled with an overwhelming amount of serotonin in that moment – something she was ill-equipped with on a daily basis.

When Harry pulled away from her, a sigh escaped her lips as she looked up at him, nearly whimpering because he wasn’t kissing her any longer.

“I don’t want to go home. I just want to stay right here with you,” Harry told her as his palms slid down the front of her.

“We can stay,” she told him breathlessly. But she knew it was unrealistic the second it fell from her lips. It was a happy daydream.

“Only if we remember the key,” he quipped, smirking down at her as his finger dance across the elastic band of her panties.

“I’ll never forget again,” she giggled lightly as Harry’s fingertips caught the fabric of her panties and pulled them down half an inch as his mouth came down to kiss the newly exposed skin.

Mason sucked in a sharp breath as his stubble tickled her skin before his tongue swiped across her pantie line. His foreplay was literally doing her in. She wanted to scream with every touch, every kiss, every lick. She couldn’t handle it anymore.

“ _Please_ , Harry,” she whimpered, sliding her hand gently across his cheek. 

He left a hardened kiss on her pelvis before he pulled off her underwear completely. And as if he was looking forward to it all along, his tongue jut out and swiped up her cleft before he slithered up her body, kissing her lips quickly. And then he was gone again, pulling away from her just when she thought they were getting somewhere. But she was pleased to find it was only because he was discarding his underwear onto the floor.

“Mason,” he murmured as his hands slid up her nearly naked frame, her body arching up into his palms.

His hands on her skin, his touch – it made her feel electric. Her whole body was humming with relentless friction. Her desire for him had never been this heightened. She _needed_ him.

Her breathing quickened as he kissed her belly button and then up to each breast before he slid up her body to kiss her lips, like he was treasuring every second he had with her, away from home, away from the reality of his life. Tomorrow he would be brought back to the people who kept a life-changing secret from him. Tomorrow he would be back in the same city, the same clutches as the girl he broke up with over the phone while he was away. Tomorrow he would have to face all of his demons once again. But _tonight_ – tonight she could be his safe haven.

Harry slid smoothly inside of Mason, her mouth falling open as a quiet whimper escaped her throat. He made her feel alive. More alive than she ever felt, and it scared her. She felt the tears welling in her eyes before she realized how emotional she had become. She couldn’t believe how overwhelmed she felt. And the last thing she wanted was for him to see the tears, so she pulled his body to her and buried her face into his shoulder blade as he rocked in and out of her. 

“Oh, god, Mason,” Harry groaned in her ear, causing goose bumps to erupt all over her skin. 

He continued to move inside of her and she could feel his resistance as she held him tightly against her. He wanted to pull up, but she didn’t want to risk him seeing her emotions. In the end, it only backfired because it caused him to stop and really study her face through the dark once he finally broke free. His body stilled as he hovered above her.

“Mase, are you okay?” He whispered, his voice cracking slightly.

“I’m fine,” she lied, turning her head to the side to avoid his gaze as her hand quickly came up to wipe her eyes.

“Mason,” Harry sighed, pulling up further.

“Don’t, Harry. Please, don’t stop,” she whimpered, intertwining her fingers behind his neck to keep him close.

“Why are you crying?” He whispered, his voice cracking slightly.

“I’m fine, Harry. Just please,” she pleaded with him.

“Mason, I—you… what’s the matter?” He stammered, looking down at her with wide, questioning eyes.

“Harry, it has never mattered before! Why now?” She snapped, feeling the embarrassment and frustration flooding her.

“I just… Mason, I care, okay,” he said quietly, letting out a slight sigh.

“Please, Harry. Just—I don’t want to talk about it,” she whispered, looking away from him again.

“Is it me?” He asked, sounding slightly insecure.

Her heart clenched in my chest. It was. It was solely because of him, but not in the way he was thinking. Except, she had no idea what he was thinking.

“It’s not you,” she lied, still unable to look into his eyes.

“I don’t want you to be sad, Mase. Not when we’re together,” he said quietly after a moment of internal contemplation.

“I don’t think I’m sad,” she admitted.

“It pains me to see you cry,” he sighed.

“I know,” she whimpered, trying her hardest to hold off the tears that were still threatening to fall.

“Then please… don’t… cry,” he said, kissing both of her cheeks where the tears rolled down, literally _kissing the tears away_.

Mason’s face involuntarily scrunched up with overwhelming emotions as her tears multiplied. Her hands came up to cover her eyes to hide from him.

“Mason,” Harry sighed, pulling out of her.

“Harry, no. Harry,” she said quickly, scrambling to pull him back to her.

“I can’t. Not… not when you’re crying,” he said quietly, shaking his head.

“You’re the only thing that’s going to fix me,” she pressed desperately before she had time to realize how much meaning her words held. His eyes stared into hers as her chest heaved.

 “I want to be the thing that fixes you,” he said as he pushed back into her arms, wrapping his body around hers, kissing her lips and her cheeks and her jaw. Kissing the tears as his fingers dug into his hair, cradling her head in his hands.

“You have no idea how you’ve helped fix me, Mason,” he breathed against her skin as his nose nuzzled her cheek.

“Please, Harry. Fix me,” she whispered, and he seemed to know what she meant, like their brains were connected.

He pressed back inside of her, relieving her entire body and soul. He was overwhelming and just right at the same time. He was all of her seven deadly sins wrapped into one. He was her night and he was her day. He was her sun and her moon. He was her highs and lows. He was the darkness living inside her, but he was also the light that fought to shine out of every inch of her. He was her well-kept secret that was about to be spilled. He was the only person who knew all of her secrets and kept them locked up tight inside of him. He was her salvation.

_He was everything._


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**March 2018**

 

Harry must have turned up the heat in the hotel room before they went to bed, because the room was sweltering in the morning. Mason threw off the covers before she even opened her eyes. She was almost panting because she was too hot.

“ _Jesus Christ_ ,” she grumbled, swiping her hand across her forehead, feeling the perspiration built up on her brow.

She slowly sat up in the bed, concerned with the heat and looked over at Harry, still asleep, still naked, lying face down on the mattress. His side of the blankets were kicked to the end of the bed with only part of the sheet wrapped around one of his calves, sleeping in all of his naked glory. She contently watched him for a moment, his back moving minutely with his slow inhales and exhales.

Mason bit her lip, stifling the smirk that pulled up the side of her mouth at the sight of him. But a second later, her stomach lurched from the realization that it was the last morning she would wake up next to him. She sighed, running her hands over her face before she tossed her legs over the side of the bed and made her way to the heater.

“Are you kidding me?” She grumbled, seeing the heat was set at eighty-five degrees.

She quickly turned it down to sixty-five and tip-toed back to the bed to cover herself up because she, too, was still naked. As she laid back in bed, pulling only the sheet up her body, her head turned to look at the clock.

 _1:12 pm_.

She sat up quickly, wide-eyed. It was one o’clock in the afternoon? She was aware they didn’t get to bed until the wee hours of the morning, but _holy shit._

“Harry,” Mason called, poking his side. But he didn’t move.

“Harry, wake up,” she said a little louder, shaking him a bit heavier, to no avail.

“Harry!” She said even louder, using two hands to shake him, and he finally stirred. His head slowly turned to look at her, his eyes blinking as he woke up.

“It’s late,” she told him evenly.

“Hmm?” He questioned.

“It’s really late. It’s one o’clock, Harry,” she told him.

“ _Mmm_ ,” he grunted as he buried his face into his pillow, his body moving only slightly to get more comfortable.

“ _Whelp_ …” She said under her breath as her eyes scanned lazily around the room, feeling slightly awkward.

“Why is it so fucking hot in here?” She heard him mumble into his pillow and she couldn’t help but smile. He turned his head to her again.

“The heat was set at eighty-five degrees,” she said, smirking at him, holding the sheet up against her bare chest to cover herself up.

“Holy shit. I’m like, dying here,” he grumbled in that sexy morning voice he had, turning onto his side as he ran his hand through his hair.

Mason’s eyes immediately fell to his naked lower half. Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment as she looked away quickly. She didn’t know why she constantly acted like a flustered little girl in intimate situations. Because when the lights were out, she was a totally different person. She could handle herself in the dark. But when Harry was this close to her, naked, she couldn’t even handle being alive. 

“I don’t want to go home,” Harry groaned, holding his hands over his eyes.

“I don’t either,” she said quietly, letting herself shamelessly take another look at his naked body. 

When her eyes came back up to his, she found him staring back at her with a smirk on his face.

“Hi,” he greeted, his smile never faltering, and Mason knew he caught her looking at him.

“Hi,” she choked out, sucking in her lips and biting them together as she looked away from him.

“You don’t have to be bashful, Mason,” Harry told her as he sat up and leaned closer.

“I’m… _uh_ …” She stammered, feeling the absolute agony of being called out.

“It’s alright, Mase. You’ve seen it before. You’ve touched it, _many_ times,” Harry’s voice was in her ear, husky and extra sexy.

Mason bit her lips even harder and closed her eyes tightly, trying to dispel the thoughts and images that were ravaging her mind because of his words.

“It’s been _in_ you… and in your mouth,” he reminded her, his voice even lower and sexier than before.

“HARRY— _ohmygod!”_ Mason yelped, throwing her hands over her eyes, her feelings out of control.

“Mason, I’m just messing with you,” Harry laughed heartily. She shook her head, her eyes still covered.

“I hope you know that,” he said, his voice softer than before. She took a deep breath and let it out as she let her hands fall away from her eyes.

“You know that, right?” He asked, his voice taking on more of an insecure quality. Mason turned to look at him, seeing the vulnerability in his eyes.

“I didn’t mean to… I didn’t want to…” He stammered.

“It’s okay, Harry. I can take a joke,” she told him and he nodded his head, the anxiety noticeably lifting from his demeanor.

“Good,” he said quietly as his eyes dropped to her now exposed chest as a smirk turned up his lips. Mason’s cheeks flushed again as his hand came up to cup her far breast in his palm.

“You’re warm,” he said, smiling at her.

“Yeah,” she breathed as she timidly stared back into his eyes, his hand still cupping her breast.

His smile got a little brighter seconds before he leaned in to kiss her. His lips were soft and inviting, and his kisses were gentle and addicting. And the butterflies in her stomach were violently thrashing around, making her ill.

“Can we just stay here?” He breathed against her lips.

“Stay?” She gasped.

“Yeah,” he said, nodding his head before his lips caught hers again.

“We could stay another day,” he proposed, sounding like he was really contemplating it.

“In this hotel?” She asked, her eyebrows furrowing as she pulled back to look at him.

“Yes. In this hotel,” he confirmed, looking into her eyes as she stared back, trying to read his mood.

Harry pressed forward, causing her to lie backward on the mattress while he crawled on top of her, hovering above her.

“We could stay in bed all day,” he suggested in a low voice as he looked down at her. Her eyes blinked back at him, but her words were caught in her throat, blocked by a large _roadblock_ of a lump in it.

“There’s no room service, but I sure as hell could order us some pizza… or Chinese food. We could just stay… here,” he continued, making it a more plausible future in her brain.

“Just one more day away – one more day we don’t have to worry. One more day where we can be our normal selves away from everyone else,” he offered. His words came out more and more hopeful as he spoke, and Mason took it to heart when he referred to them as ‘normal’, because to him, she was normal, and to her, he was normal. 

Mason’s eyes were wide as she looked up into his, and she had to clear her throat to keep the tears away.

“What do you think, Mase?” He asked, looking at her with one of the most lighthearted looks she ever saw cross his face. She knew she couldn’t say no, nor did she want to.

She nodded her head because her mouth still couldn’t form words.

“You’ll stay?” He asked happily, his eyes widening along with his smile.

“Yes,” she agreed moments before his lips came down hard against hers.

She didn’t know how they got where they were. She couldn’t explain it. But somehow it felt right to be there with him in his arms. She didn’t want to question it. She didn’t want to jinx it. She just wanted to kiss him, and have him kiss her back like she was the only girl on his mind.

But the bliss was short lived once Harry’s phone rang from across the room. He quickly pulled up, moving away from her, letting out a low groan as his eyes shut tightly. 

“You turned your phone back on?” Mason asked him quietly.

Her phone had been shut off since Dallas, the first time around when Harry’s _then-_ girlfriend Casey left her a nasty voicemail message wondering why the hell she was with _her_ boyfriend in another state. As far as Mason knew Harry’s was off too, but apparently she was wrong.

“I wanted to text my brother last night. Just to… to let him know he’d be getting his car back soon,” Harry explained, looking down into her questioning eyes.

“Oh,” she said quietly as Harry finally made a dash to grab the still ringing cell phone.

“Hey, Reese,” he said breathlessly into the receiver.

Harry was still naked and Mason couldn’t help when her eyes washed up and down his frame as she sat up on the bed again.

“Yeah, we’re still… we’re still out of state,” Harry said into the receiver as he looked up at Mason.

“Maryland,” he continued to speak to his brother, but kept his eyes on her.

“Yeah, see… that’s the thing. I think we’re gonna… I don’t think we’re gonna be home until maybe tomorrow,” Harry told him as he ran his fingers through his messy bed hair.

“I know. I know. We just… we kind of just want to hang out,” Harry breathed into the receiver, his voice getting lower. 

Mason pulled herself out of bed and quickly tip-toed to the bathroom, feeling Harry’s eyes on her the whole time. She closed herself into the tiny room and took a deep breath. She could still hear Harry talking and it made her uncomfortable, but she couldn’t stop herself from eavesdropping.

“Yeah, I know I never told you about her. I just… it was just something I couldn’t… that I didn’t want to talk about. I still really don’t. I don’t really feel like I have the right to talk about her. I mean… I don’t want to – she’s different, okay. Just please, Reese. I can’t say much about it. I’ve just… I’ve known her for three years and we’re… we’re good friends. She understands me better than ninety-nine percent of the people in the whole world. She knows things about me that not even you do,” she heard Harry tell his brother and it made her all sorts of uncomfortable.

“I broke up with, Casey,” he said before pausing.

“It was never Casey. I never loved her,” he heard Harry confess to his brother, and the bile rose in the back of Mason’s throat.

“I don’t know. I don’t know, okay, Reese. I just… I can’t talk about it right now. I know you have questions, but I can’t—I’ve just gotta go, man,” Harry said, trying to cut his brother off.

“Your car will be returned to you in pristine condition, I promise,” he continued.

“Tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow night. I don’t know. And no, it’s not going to work out that way. Because I don’t even really know what’s going on. I’m not trying to scare her away. I’m not just going to ‘bring her by’, Reese. No,” Harry argued with his brother and it made Mason feel unsettled to know they were arguing about her.

“I’ve gotta go. Reese, I’ve gotta go,” Harry grumbled and Mason quickly pulled herself away from eavesdropping against the bathroom door. 

She did her business in the bathroom before quietly opening the door and coming out, still naked, still feeling weird about the intimacy level she and Harry were on during the trip. 

“Hey,” Harry said quietly, and her eyes shot up to his as he sat on the edge of the bed wearing his pajama bottoms.

“Hey,” she said awkwardly as she slumped toward her bag for some clothes.

She slipped one of her over-sized sleep shirts over her head before digging in her bag to discover she didn’t have any clean underwear left. She took a deep breath and let it out raggedly.

“You okay?” He asked almost immediately.

“All my clothes are dirty,” she sighed as she stared at the contents of her bag.

“Mine too,” he said quietly.

“Maybe we should just go home,” she said as she turned to look at him, watching as his whole demeanor plummeted.

“Or…” Mason began, hating that she made him look so unhappy.

“We can… if that’s what you want,” he replied, unable to look up at her.

“No,” she said, lightly shaking her head. It was hard to admit to herself, but she couldn’t deny how badly she wanted to spend the rest of the day and night with Harry in that hotel room – panties or no panties.

 Harry’s hopeful eyes looked up into hers as she leaned back against the dresser facing him.

“Reese doesn’t need his car for anything, so it’s not like we have to rush,” Harry offered.

“He knows about me?” Mason asked quickly before she could talk herself out of asking the question.

“He knows there’s a _you_. But I wouldn’t say he knows anything,” Harry explained, shrugging his shoulders passively.

“What does that mean?” Mason asked, eyeing him carefully.

“He knows I am on this road trip with a girl named Mason, and that you aren’t Casey, and that—” Harry said, cutting himself off.

“And that, what?” She asked him.

“That… we’re friends,” he said quietly as he averted his gaze.

“Oh,” she breathed and idly played with the hem of her t-shirt.

“He told me he wants to meet you,” Harry explained, and her stomach knotted instantly.

“But I told him it would be weird,” Harry continued, waving his hand through the air nonchalantly.

“Yeah, weird,” Mason whispered, her eyes avoiding his.

“I don’t mean to burden you, Mason. I-I know we’re friends, but sometimes I just… I can’t keep the outside away from… from our little bubble,” Harry sighed, running his fingers through his hair.

“What—what do you mean?” She stammered, feeling the anxiety in her chest.

“There’s going to be consequences for me taking you on this trip,” he said quietly.

“Oh,” she breathed, nodding her head as her stomach churned.

“I couldn’t have imagined going through this with anyone but you, Mason,” he confessed, looking up at her. Her eyes met with his and she felt naked – bared to him.

“You being here is worth every consequence. And I will take them willingly,” he went on, making her heart beat so fast in her chest as he stood up from the bed and walked toward her.

“And if I could stay here, Mason. If I could stay right here with you, in this hotel room, I would. I’d keep you safe. We wouldn’t need anybody else,” he confessed as his hands came up to cradle her face in them.

She almost felt numb as he spoke the words. She couldn’t even take them all in. The sincerity was too real, too much. She took in a deep breath, breaking their eye contact as her hands came up to move his hands away from her face. 

“ _Jesus_ , Harry,” she sighed as she stepped around him, feeling like her head was spiraling.

“Am I being too honest?” He asked, his voice sinking with the words.

“Mmm,” she hummed under her breath as she tried to shake off the overwhelming emotion.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly, sounding slightly defeated.

“Don’t apologize,” she said as she bit at her thumbnail. Harry stayed silent, and she couldn’t face him, so she didn’t have a clue what he was thinking or feeling or doing.

“I’m just… I’m not good at… at anything that involves any type of intimacy. And like, I even mean on a friendship level. Like, I’m just bad. I’m uncomfortable and nervous and anxious, and I don’t know how to stop being that way. I don’t know how to be with you,” she confessed, using the same words she used in the past.

“Mason,” Harry cooed from behind her.

“I’m good at sex. I’m good at that. That’s why we’re so compatible. Because you’re good at it too. I’m good at _no-strings-attached_ , _straight-to-the-point_ sex. I can do that. But… but this trip has been so much more than that,” Mason confessed, finally turning to look at him. His eyes looked worried and vulnerable, and she hated making him look that way. 

She sighed and shook her head as the words she truly wanted to say to him caught in her throat.

“I just… I don’t know what else to say,” she whispered, conceding with those words as she dropped her gaze to the floor.

“Mason,” Harry sighed, taking a step toward her. She looked up quickly, meeting his eyes.

“I never want to pressure you or make you uncomfortable,” he insisted.

“I know.”

“Do you?”

“I do,” she told him, dropping her eyes from him again.

“I-I’m so afraid of… of things changing between us. They already have. I’m so afraid that… that I won’t— _gahhh_ ,” she growled, feeling the frustration build up inside of her as she tried to confess the burden on her heart and mind.

“What, Mason?” He asked quietly, trying to coax it out of her.

“I’m afraid—” She croaked. Her emotions got the better of her and tears welled helplessly in her eyes.

“Don’t cry,” he cooed, cradling her face in his hands again.

She took a deep breath and blew it out as she tried to fight off the tears. Harry wiped them away as soon as they came down her cheeks and it only made it harder to get her words out. She turned away from him, haphazardly wiping at the new tears that fell. 

“You’ve been a rock… the only stability in my life, Harry. You’ve been there whenever I’ve needed you, and… and I’m so afraid that… that you’re not gonna be there now... when we get home,” she confessed, speaking fast so she could get the words out.

“Mason, no. That’s not—” Harry sighed, sounding incredibly plagued.

“I’m so afraid you won’t need me anymore. That I’m going to need you so badly and you’re just not going to… to need me,” she said as the tears fell faster.

“Mason, that’s not— _no_ ,” he said, gripping onto her arm to turn her back to him.

“If anything, Mason—if anything, I’m going to need you _more,_ ” he told her, looking her straight in the eye.

“You have no idea,” his voice was almost breathless. It almost felt like he was staring straight into her soul through her eyes.

Mason whimpered as she closed her eyes tightly, dragging her fingers underneath them to catch the stray tears.

“I’ve never been this emotional in my life,” she sighed, feeling like a complete mess.

“That’s okay,” he told her as he reached up to help her wipe away the tears once again. Mason took a deep breath and let it out hard, trying to dispel her emotions with it.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he assured her, gripping onto her so he could wrap his arms around her.

He held her against him in a tight hug until her tears subsided, and to her, that moment sold her on his words. Maybe he would still be there and need her just the same when they got home. His heartbeat against hers made her hopeful.

“Hey, Mase,” Harry breathed, pulling her out of his arms just enough so he could look into her eyes.

“Hmm,” she answered, looking back into his.

“I have one question for you,” he said as a smirk turned up the side of his mouth.

“What?” She asked, furrowing her brow in question.

“Pizza or Chinese?” He asked, letting his whole face brighten with his wide smile. And she couldn’t help but let out a little laugh. 

Maybe things would be _okay_ after all.


	15. Chapter Fifteen

****

**March 2018**

 

_“Pizza or Chinese?” Harry asked looking down at Mason._

_“Chinese,” she said, smiling up at him with a seductive look in her eyes. There was no question what she was craving in that moment and it wasn’t food._

_“Mmm. Good choice,” he hummed, walking toward the dresser to grab his phone before ordering._

_It felt like no time had passed before someone knocked on their hotel room door signifying their food arrived. Mason was still only wearing her oversized t-shirt and nothing else. Harry finished dressing, throwing on a shirt to compliment his jeans. And yet when the knock on the door startled them, it was Mason who answered it, despite her choice of attire._

_“Uh, Harry…” Mason gasped, staring at the person who held the bag of Chinese food in front of her before her gaze went back to Harry._

_“Yeah, what?” Harry asked, turning toward the door. His eyes widened and his jaw dropped open._

_Mason only saw him in pictures before. But now, standing in front of them, she knew it was the man Harry called ‘dad’ for the past twenty-four years – the man who tormented and beat him as a child and even tried to as a man._

_“What are you doing here?” Harry spat at him, his voice sounding cold and distant._

_“We’re all here. And we know what you’ve been doing,” his father said confidently, turning his head to look behind him._

_When Mason’s eyes adjusted to the bright sun streaming into the room, she looked out and saw a handful of people behind him. As her eyes scanned their faces, her skin prickled with fear. Standing behind him, like some sort of army of nightmares was Harry’s real father Victor, his mother, his sister Gemma, his brother Reese, his ex-girlfriend Casey, Casey’s best friend April, Mason’s grandmother, and none other than her Uncle Brian. It seemed to be all the people they disappointed the most in the world – or who disappointed them._

_“We know what you two have been doing,” Harry’s faux-father’s startling voice seethed, chilling Mason to the bone._

_Her skin crawled with the realization they were all there for some sort of fucked-up intervention because of what she and Harry were doing with one another behind everyone’s backs._

_“We know what you’ve been doing and you need to stop,” his faux-father’s menacing voice shook Mason out of the trance she was in as she stared at her uncle from a distance. Why would her uncle be there? Why would he think he ever had a say in what she did with her life?_

_“Mason,” she heard Harry’s voice from beside of her, but she still couldn’t shake off the fact that the man she feared for so long was standing right there, trying to ruin her happiness once again._

_“Mason, look at me,” Harry’s voice came out more sternly and her head finally turned to find him_ _._ _Their_ _eyes connected; his eyes troubled and concerned._

_“Mason, don’t pay attention to them. Don’t look at them,” Harry said quickly as her eyes darted away from him again._

_“Look at me. Only at me,” Harry said as his hands came up to hold her face. Her eyes found his again._

_“They don’t matter. They don’t. Stay with me. Stay here. We can shut the door. We can shut them out. They don’t matter anymore,” Harry said confidently._

_“Why are they here, Harry? Why do they think this is so wrong?” Mason whimpered, trying her hardest not turn her head to look at the trouble standing in front of them._

_“It’s not wrong, Mason. It’s not wrong. All you have to do is just close the door and we can be happy,” Harry told her._

_“But… but your mother, and your sister and brother. My grandmother…” Mason stammered._

_“They’re conflicted. They don’t know. They don’t understand right now. But we can make them understand, Mason. We can show them. Just choose me. Choose me right now, and we can be happy,” Harry offered._

_The desperation in his voice matched what she felt deep within her. The thought of being taken away from Harry was worse than any other feeling she ever felt._

_“Choose me,” he breathed._

_Mason took a deep breath and a step back from him. His eyebrows furrowed as he watched her back away from him further._

_“Mason,” he croaked, looking pained._

_She turned to see everyone staring back at her, waiting for what she was about to do. Her uncle stood farther back than anyone with his arms folded across his chest, a smug look on his face, like he knew what she would do. Like he expected her to run and never look back – not at Harry, not at any of them. And more than just a small part of her wanted to. It would be so much easier. She took a deep breath and let it out raggedly before she looked away from her uncle’s taunting eyes._

_“I’m done,” Mason said confidently._

_“Mason,” Harry whimpered from behind her, and she turned to look back at him and his thunderstorm eyes._

_She knew what she needed to do._ _Her_ _hand gripped onto the opened door and with one powerful swipe of her arm, she slammed the door in the face of all of their trouble._

_“I’m done with them,” Mason told Harry, looking back into his surprised eyes._

_“Oh, Mason,” Harry sighed, sounding relieved._

_“I choose you,” she said, her voice shaking as the adrenaline wired her entire body._

_“I choose you,” he said, grabbing her tightly in his arms before planting a hardened want-filled kiss on her lips._

 

 

 

“Mason…” She heard Harry breathe in her ear as she came back to consciousness.

“Mason, wake up,” his ragged morning voice caused a smile to turn up her lips. She found it so… _attractive_.

“I’m awake,” she croaked, unable to open her eyes yet because she could already see the brightness of the morning shining through her eyelids.

The dream was still fresh in her mind; the feelings still lingering inside of her. If only things were that easy in real life. She wished she could throw a door closed on all of her problems, but it was never that easy. And one of her biggest problems, which was less of a nightmare scenario and more of a bucket full of unrelenting nerves, was currently waiting for her to roll over and face him.

Mason’s eyes reluctantly opened to find Harry smiling down at her in the hotel bed they shared for the last two nights and the last hotel bed they would share during their trip. Today was the day they would finally make it back to New York, despite how badly neither of them wanted it to happen. It was going to happen. They couldn’t put it off any longer.

“Time to get up,” he sighed as she felt his hand rub across her abdomen which was covered only by a thin sheet.

They went to bed last night after a lust-filled romp, which was not uncommon for them, and now Mason was waking up naked with him once again. Yet, as consciousness began to seep in more and more, she noticed Harry was not naked at all. In all actuality, he was fully clothed.

“Are we leaving?” She asked, quickly sitting up on the bed, holding the sheet against her bare chest.

“Not this second, but soon enough. It’s nearly check-out time,” Harry told her.

“Oh,” she said, running a hand through her tousled hair.

“Take your time, though. There really isn’t that big of a rush, Mase,” Harry said as he stood up from the bed.

“No. I can get up,” she said quietly as she pulled her legs over the side of the bed.

“Just, uh… shower or whatever. I’m gonna… I’m gonna go for a quick run,” Harry said, but didn’t move from the side of the bed.

“Okay,” she said quietly as her eyes looked up at him, noticing he indeed was wearing running clothes.

“I’ll see you in a little bit,” he said, giving her a half-smirk before he turned to exit the hotel door.

The door shut hard behind him, making a loud thud that resonated through her. Even if she chose Harry in her dream – and he chose her, how would it ever end up like that in real life? She didn’t even know how to act around him, even though they’d been sleeping together for two years. What made her unconscious mind ever believe a boy like Harry would ever want a girl as fucked-up as her? She knew Harry had his problems too, but there was definitely nothing anti-social about Harry – but then there was Mason, who couldn’t even breathe without making it awkward between the two of them.

By the time she got out of the shower, Harry was back in the room. He was sweaty and his hair was an absolute mess, but everything about him was attractive to her, and she couldn’t help it as she snuck watchful glances at him from the corner of her eye before he finally sauntered into the bathroom, ready to take a shower.

Mason dressed in clothing she already wore, sans underwear, because she was left with absolutely no option of clean clothes. Even Harry stepped out of the bathroom fully dressed in clothes she remembered him wearing early on in the trip. They both knew it was time to go back, but it didn’t mean they were necessarily prepared for it.

The two of them walked out to the car in silence, packing it up one last time before they got inside and left another hotel in their wake. This was it. Four and a half more hours and they would be crossing back into their normal lives once again – except she was sure Harry’s would never be normal again. He still had so much to work through on his arrival back home. Things most likely would not be settled in his life for a long while.

Mason caught a glimpse of him from across the cab of the car as it barreled down the highway. The sunlight was streaming in and Harry had on a pair of silver aviators to block it out as best as he could. He looked like he was in deep thought and it made her wonder what was on his mind.

The songs on the radio filled the silent space between them, making it not so awkward or boring. Mason’s mind only seemed to be on Harry and how unrealistic her feelings for him were becoming. It was entirely implausible for them to ever have a normal relationship. They knew too much darkness about each other. They knew each other’s biggest fears and deepest secrets. And she never wanted anyone to ever have a chance of holding those against her. All relationships were ticking time bombs. And that was why she knew she and Harry were not good for each other.

 

 

After they stopped for gas near the Pennsylvania/New Jersey border, Harry seemed a bit less introverted. He spoke to his brother again and seemed kind of okay to be going home, which seemed a little odd to Mason. But then again, she never knew what Harry was thinking, ever. Maybe he accepted what was going on in his life and was finally ready to get it all straightened out. She didn’t know and she was too afraid to ask.

As they set off again to complete the last tiny leg of their journey, Mason was bombarded with the constant aching questions about what this whole trip meant for them and for the standing relationship they created over the years. Would it be the same? Was she still going to be able to go to him when she needed to be centered? Would he still be the one who could center her? After the last question formed in her brain, she immediately knew the answer – Harry would always be the _only_ one who could center her. There was no doubt about it.

Harry turned up the volume on the radio as _Locked Out of Heaven_ by Bruno Mars came on and it snapped her out of the spiraling mess of questions in her brain. And she couldn’t help but smirk as Harry began to sing along.

_“Never had much faith in love or miracles. Never wanna put my heart on the line. But swimming in your world is something spiritual. I’m born again every time you spend the night,”_ Harry sang and all Mason could do was listen.

Her cheeks blushed as she relished in the sound of his voice. It was so smooth and just really fucking good. It always caught her off guard when he sang, because it made her realize there was still so much about him she didn’t know, and she wanted to know so badly. 

“I love this song,” Harry said before the chorus came through and he continued to sing along.

_“Cause your sex takes me to paradise. Yeah, your sex takes me to paradise. And it shows, yeah, yeah, yeah…”_ Harry sang as he turned his head to look directly at Mason. She could do nothing but hold her breath as his stare penetrated her.

_“Cause you make feel like... I’ve been locked out of heaven... for too long. For too long…”_ He continued singing and somehow, some way she let a smile turn up on her face and it made him smile right back at her. 

The moment seemed just _right on_. Harry continued singing until the song ended. And it was one of those kinds of moments you remember for the rest of your life. 

At least Mason knew she would.

 

 

Mason’s stomach was in knots as they neared the city. They were so close to home; so close to the road trip being over. And to be perfectly honest, she didn’t know how to feel. It felt all wrong being back. Both of them went through a lot during the nine days they were gone, and they both exercised some demons along the way, but it felt like there was still much more to say and do. And now they were forced to regress to their old lives, away from who they had become with each other. 

“Are we going to talk about… things?” Harry asked, looking over at Mason as he drove through the Holland Tunnel into Manhattan.

“What things?” She asked, unsettling feelings hitting her already.

“Like what’s going to happen once we get home… I don’t know… with our situation…” He said with a casual shrug.

“What is there to talk about?” Mason asked quietly, swallowing the metaphorical brick that was in her throat. Harry looked at her impatiently and her stomach started doing unnerving flips.

“I don’t know what you mean,” she said quietly, breaking her gaze from his.

He sighed as his vision went back to the road. He didn’t say anything else on the subject and she didn’t say anything because she was certain the conversation he wanted to have was one she was not ready for.

 

 

As soon as Harry turned onto Mason’s street she felt sick to her stomach. This was it. Her apartment building was in her line of sight and soon Harry would be driving away without her and they literally weren’t any closer to knowing where they stood with each other. Mason would never understand how she continued to live with her self-sabotaging ways. There was so much she wanted to say to him. So many words that could have been said, but she said nothing. She couldn’t even come up with any encouraging words to help him face what he needed to face now that he was home. She just stayed silent.

“Thanks for coming, Mason. I would have never gotten through it without you,” Harry said quietly from the driver seat as the car idled in front of her building.

“No problem,” she said even quieter, unable to look in his direction.

“Nothing changes between us, okay,” he told her, placing his hand on her knee momentarily.

What he didn’t know was she was painfully aware of how _nothing_ would change between them. Nothing would ever change because she was too destructive, too shattered to ever be able to fix herself. They were destined to go down the same path with one another over and over again, because of her self-destructive ways.

“Goodbye, Harry,” she breathed as she grabbed for the door handle.

“Mase,” Harry said quickly, gripping onto her wrist. 

She turned to finally face him and his eyes looked despairingly back at her and it ripped at her heart. Without another word, he leaned across the car and left a soft kiss on her lips before pulling back to look at her again. She stared at him for a few moments before she dropped her gaze and pushed open the car door. She grabbed her bag from the back seat and closed the door on him.

She couldn’t even look back because she knew it would make her cry. So she just powered her way toward her front door. Once she unlocked the door to her apartment and pushed her way inside, she just stood there in the middle of the space feeling so entirely empty. And she was certain it had everything to do with being away from Harry.

She showered and dressed in clean clothing before hauling her dirty clothes down to the laundry room to wash them. When she came back up to her apartment, she tidied up the mess she left behind when she left so abruptly with Harry. And as she waited for her load of laundry to finish drying, she ate a quiet dinner in front of the television, feeling so incredibly alone. She couldn’t even handle it. Harry’s face kept flashing in her mind and she knew she was lonely for him. She was so used to having him by her side that it just felt foreign to be alone.

After retrieving her laundry from the dryer, she brought it back up to her apartment and began to fold it, noticing that one of Harry’s shirts was in the pile. 

She stood with it in her hands for far too long as she thought over her options. She could very well just hold on to it until she saw him again. Because she knew, even though things obviously changed between them, they would see each other again. And then it made her wonder how long it would be before she actually did see him again. How long would she be able to stand it? As the painful feeling grew in her chest, she knew she wouldn’t be able to wait very long at all.

Mason scoffed at herself, realizing just how pathetic she felt because of her new-found feelings. She was a stupid girl with a stupid crush – the kind of girl she never wanted to become – and she felt like she couldn’t go a minute without conjuring up his face in her mind.

She scoffed again when she finally made up her mind and threw on her jacket. 

As she rode the train to his apartment, Mason kept second-guessing her decision to see him. She felt more than pathetic – like a girl that _needed_ a man in her life. But maybe she did. Maybe she needed Harry. Maybe she did all along. Would that be so bad? What if he needed her too? 

With one last huff, Mason took the stairs up to street level to get to his apartment. The wind was bitter cold and it made her long for the warm nights in the Southwest. The nerves inside of her ravaged her body, but she persevered and found herself standing in front of his door. _What if he wasn’t even there?_ She hesitated once again, taking a step back from his door, but shook it off and knocked her knuckles against it before she had time to hesitate again.

It wasn’t long before the door was pulled open and Mason’s eyes aligned with Harry’s.

“Mason,” he breathed as a bashful smile pulled up his lips.

“Your shirt,” she said, awkwardly thrusting her arm out with the garment in her hand.

“Okay,” he said, smirking as he grabbed the shirt from her.

“It must have gotten in my bag somehow,” she told him, deterring her eyes away from his.

“You’ve already done laundry?” He smirked at her as he quickly sniffed it.

“I was bored,” she mumbled, timidly looking up into his eyes.

“Are you still bored?” He asked, cocking his eyebrow in question.

“Incredibly,” she sighed, slumping her shoulders slightly.

“Come in,” he said, opening the door wider without another word. Mason hesitated slightly, but nodded her head and silently walked passed him.

In most other circumstances, they would already be half-naked and pawing at each other. But this was completely different. They weren’t desperate to be freed for a night. It was just them and it seemed to cross a whole different line.

Mason felt like the most awkward person in the world as she stood in the middle of his tiny studio apartment, waiting for him to do or say anything.

“Are you thirsty? Or hungry?” Harry asked, pointing his thumb idly behind him toward his kitchen.

“I’ve eaten,” she said quietly as her eyes worked up and down the walls, noticing small little details she never had the time to before – like how he had a framed illustration of _Pac Man_ on his wall which was surrounded by other pictures of him with friends and family. She had no idea what the significance of _Pac Man_ was, or maybe he just liked it. She didn’t know. But she wanted to know all about it.

“Thirsty?” He questioned again, and her vision snapped up to his.

“Um, sure,” she murmured, looking over at him again.

“I have… uh, water… or beer. You want a beer?” He asked, quickly looking in the refrigerator.

“Yes. Please,” she said quietly, thinking maybe a little alcohol would calm her nerves.

Harry pulled out a beer from the fridge, casually popping the top with a bottle opener before handing it to her.

“Thank you,” she told him and immediately took a swig, watching as he retrieved his own beer.

“You’re welcome,” he said, sending her a slight smirk before taking a swig from his bottle.

“Can I take your jacket?” He asked, and she realized she was still standing in front of him wearing her fluffy winter parka.

“Sure,” she said, shrugging out of it carefully as she did her best not to spill her drink.

“Make yourself at home,” he told her as he walked toward the closet by his front door. She made a mental note of where to find her jacket when she needed to leave. And she knew how ridiculous she was to have an exit strategy, but she didn’t know how to shut off those kinds of thoughts. 

As Harry hung her coat, Mason took a few steps deeper into the apartment, scanning her eyes over his bed made of dark wood, topped with a dark blue bedspread. A bed she became very familiar with over the years. A bed she _really_ lost her virginity in. If she completely shut out what her uncle did to her, then it was Harry. Harry was the one she let have it.

“Hey,” Harry said from behind her, standing closer than she thought, which completely startled her.

“ _Jee-zus_ ,” she gasped, holding her hand over her heart as it raced inside of her chest.

“Sorry,” he said, smirking at her.

“It’s okay,” she said, smiling bashfully as her eyes drop down to the floor.

“I love making you smile,” Harry said quietly and Mason’s eyes shot back up to his – the smile completely wiped away.

A knock erupted on the apartment door, pulling Mason’s attention away from Harry and the perfect words he just spoke. Her eyes widened as the panic set inside of her. There really was nowhere for her to hide inside his small studio apartment, unless she made an ass out of herself by dashing into the bathroom.

“Sorry. My brother – he’s here for his car,” Harry said, giving her an uneasy look. She nodded as she tried to swallow back the anxiety.

“I’ll—just, I’ll be right back,” he said, making his way to the door.

Mason tried as calmly as she could to rein herself in, to not let the anxiety consume her. She took a deep breath and quietly sat down on the edge of Harry’s bed, watching as he slowly opened his door, sending her one last sympathetic look. _This was really happening._ His brother, Reese, who told Harry flat-out that he wanted to meet her was about to get his chance and she was terrified.

Mason was pretty sure sitting on Harry’s bed wasn’t going to send the best message. Maybe it was too intimate. Maybe it would imply too much to his brother about the lifestyle she and Harry were leading with one another for the past nine days – and the past two years before that. She didn’t know. She just knew she didn’t have time to move before the door was opening, and Harry’s younger brother stood in front of him.

Reese Styles was even more handsome in person than he was in any of the pictures Mason saw of him over the years. He was taller than Harry by a few inches and that was saying a lot since Harry stood nearly six feet tall. And although Harry and Reese turned out only to be half-brothers, Mason could still see the resemblance.

“Hey, man,” Reese greeted his older brother with a handshake, a half hug, and a pat on the back all in one quick motion.

“Hey. Here are the keys. Tanks full,” Harry said, dropping them into Reese’s awaiting hand.

Mason silently prayed Reese’s eyes never fell on her as she sat across the room. Like maybe if she didn’t move she could come out of this unscathed.

“Alright. Sounds good,” Reese said with a half-smile as he shifted on his feet. Just by looking at him Mason knew he wanted to say something to his brother but didn’t really know how.

“How are things? Are you okay?” Reese finally asked, his eyes narrowing into a look of compassion.

“Uh…” Harry hesitated as he rubbed the back of his neck and turned to look back at Mason.

She cringed noticeably, knowing he just given her presence away. And as soon as Reese’s eyes met hers, she sucked in a breath and held it. 

“ _Ohh,_ ” Reese said quietly as his eyebrow quirked slightly and his lips turned up into a smile. Mason’s anxiety was nearly crippling in that moment. And she knew she was doomed.


	16. Chapter Sixteen

“Hi,” Reese said, taking a step into the apartment and Mason knew she couldn’t avoid him.

She looked up just in time to see Harry cringe as he ran his fingers through his hair quickly, looking guilty, like he knew he just gave her away to his brother.

“Hi,” Mason croaked as she awkwardly stood on her feet.

“You must be… you must be Mason,” he said, walking closer to her.

“Yeah,” she said quietly as she slowly met him in the middle of the room and took his awaiting hand, shaking it formally.

“Yeah, uh. Reese, this is Mason. Mason, this is my brother Reese,” Harry said awkwardly, stepping up next to the two of them.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’ve heard… well, I can’t really say I’ve heard much about you – other than the fact that my brother chose you to go across the country with him, which must mean there is a pretty big level of trust between the two of you,” Reese said, looking between them as they both stood there looking guilty.

“Am I right?” Reese asked, his eyes catching his brother’s.

Mason didn’t know if he was trying to act aggrieved over the fact that his big brother didn’t tell him about the girl he’d been _friends_ with for two years, but he was sure doing a good job of it. Even Mason felt guilty.

“What does it matter?” Harry asked him, his eyes narrowing slightly.

“It doesn’t matter. It just… I don’t know. Sometimes I feel like you and I aren’t as close as we used to be and it bothers me,” Reese told him honestly and it made Mason’s heart nearly break.

“Harry and I have known each other for a few years. I’m sorry he’s never mentioned me, but that was by my request,” Mason chimed in, trying her hardest to take the pressure off of Harry.

“Your request?” Reese asked, turning his questioning gaze on her.

“Casey and I never got along. She would have killed one of us if she knew Harry and I—” Mason stammered, only cutting herself off when she noticed the wide, questioning eyes Harry was giving her.

“That you and Harry, what?” Reese asked, looking between the two of them. Mason was quite sure he saw the face Harry was giving her and it only added to his suspicions.

“What is going on?” Reese asked, taking a step back from them.

Mason’s heart beat wildly in her chest thinking she might have stepped out of line by telling Harry’s brother _anything_. Her intentions were never to upset Harry – or his brother for that matter, but she seemed to be doing a fantastic job of both.

“Nothing is going on,” Harry said, shrugging his shoulders, trying to act as passive as possible.

“ _Nothing?_ It’s nearly eleven o’clock at night and she’s at your place, _sitting on your bed_ after the two of you just spent the past ten days together. I’m not stupid,” Reese said to Harry, sounding as if he were getting more and more offended as the conversation progressed.

“Reese,” Harry sighed as he shook his head.

“What? You can’t tell me – your best friend, your brother? What is it you think you can’t you tell me?” Reese asked him quickly.

“You wouldn’t understand,” Harry sighed.

“The fact that you think I wouldn’t understand just makes me even more upset,” Reese said through clenched teeth as his eyes narrowed dangerously.

“There is so much you don’t know,” Harry said, running his hands down his face.

Mason’s whole body tensed because she knew the conversation was about to escalate quickly and she wasn’t sure she was ready for any of the emotions that came with it. Harry’s mother was the only person who knew the circumstances of Harry’s trip to New Mexico. He told everyone else in his life that he needed to get away and he was visiting some relatives in Phoenix. That was it – plain and simple. Reese knew next to nothing and now it was all destined to come out as they stood tensely in the middle of Harry’s tiny apartment.

“You can tell me. What makes you think you can’t tell me?” Reese’s voice came out less hostile, nearly pleading with his brother. Mason could hear the emotion in his words and it tugged at her.

She watched as Harry hesitated, looking absolutely conflicted. She hated this. She hated that he felt this way. It was her fault. He was holding back because of her, she knew it. 

When Harry’s eyes looked up into Mason’s, she nodded, essentially giving him permission to tell his brother about the two of them. She knew Reese wasn’t going to leave without getting some sort of answer and she knew Harry may not be ready to expose the whole truth of his paternity to anyone just yet.

But of course, Harry always kept her on her toes.

“Dad isn’t my dad,” Harry blurted out, catching Mason completely off guard, her eyes widening as her head snapped up to look at him.

“What?” Reese choked, his eyebrows immediately furrowing in question.

“Mom cheated on dad and he isn’t my father,” Harry said, sounding surprisingly apathetic about the whole thing.

“ _What!?”_ Reese said again, trying to comprehend just what his brother was saying.

“I’m not kidding. I’m not making it up. I just found out on mom and dad’s anniversary. That’s why I needed your car. That’s why I went to New Mexico,” Harry’s words came out quickly and Mason was certain he was only confusing Reese worse.

“New Mexico? I thought you went to Arizona,” Reese said immediately.

“No, we went to New Mexico,” Harry said, looking up at Mason for a split second before he looked back at Reese.

“Why? Why did you go to New Mexico?” Reese asked, looking between the two of them again.

“To find my father,” Harry told him matter-of-factly.

“Oh,” Reese said quietly, staggering backward slightly, looking as if his mind was completely reeling.

Harry looked up at Mason again tentatively and her skin tingled with an array of goosebumps. She wanted to reach out to him, but she knew the situation they were in forbade it.

“Is that why… is that why dad never… he never treated you…” Reese stammered, coming to a huge realization about their childhood.

“That he used to beat me and belittle me every chance he got?” Harry questioned incredulously.

“He… he did?” Reese choked, looking at Harry like a deer in headlights.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be laying this all on you like this,” Harry sighed, taking a step back as he washed his hands down his face.

Mason stood back, quiet as a mouse, trying to control her breathing as she watched Harry completely let go of himself and finally let someone in – someone who wasn’t her. It was a big moment, whether Harry chose to acknowledge it or not.

“I _asked_ , Harry. I want to know. I’ve always wanted to know the truth,” Reese said firmly.

“I’m sorry. I just… I’ve kept everything— I didn’t want to ruin your world. You’re my baby brother,” Harry said, his voice cracking slightly with emotion.

“And _you’re_ my big brother,” Reese said softly.

“I know, man. I know,” Harry sighed, looking down at the floor.

The three of them were silent for a few contemplative moments and Mason didn’t know what to do. She felt so uncomfortable being there, in their moment. She wanted to run, but she knew she couldn’t.

“And where do you fit into all of this?” Reese asked, his eyes turning to her and it took her a few seconds to realize it was her who he was talking to. Mason’s mouth fell open, but no words came out, just a puff of dry air eradicating from her lungs.

Harry’s eyes widened once again as he looked over at her and Mason took it as him wanting her to keep her mouth shut, so she did. She felt her whole body heat up as the pressure of it all came down on her.

“Obviously something is going on if both of you look like you’ve just seen a ghost,” Reese scoffed, but they both stayed quiet.

“Really? You can tell me something as life-changing as dad not being your dad, but you can’t answer this?” Reese looked over at Harry incredulously.

“It’s complicated,” Harry said, looking away from Mason like he was ashamed of it all, which only twisted her gut even more.

She felt the tears sting her eyes almost immediately as her vision fell to the floor. She didn’t want to look at either of them.

“Is it really that hard to explain?” Reese asked, sounding rather annoyed.

“We help each other,” Harry replied finally.

“You help each other? With what? Is this like a sex thing?” Reese asked, looking between the two of them once again. Mason just kept her eyes lowered, hoping Harry was going to get them out of this, but Harry stayed just as silent as she did.

“It’s a _sex thing_?” Reese gathered from their lack of reaction and in another second of confirming silence, he was privy to the life they tried to hide from everyone.

“How long?” Reese pressed, focusing his attention on Harry.

“A long time,” Harry admitted quietly.

“A few months?” Reese questioned pointedly.

“A few years,” Harry confessed, his eyes finally meeting his brothers.

“Whoa,” Reese breathed, taking another step back, looking between the two of them again.

“All throughout your relationship with Casey?” Reese asked Harry quietly.

“Since before,” Harry told him, his jaw tensing as he spoke.

“And this was okay with you – to be with a guy who had a girlfriend?” Reese turned his questioning on Mason.

“Just… leave her out of this,” Harry’s voice came out a little harsher than maybe even he expected.

“’Leave her out’— _Jesus_ , Harry. This… you cheated on Casey for your whole entire relationship? Who does that? Why even be with her?” Reese asked quickly, sounding almost offended that his brother would do something of that nature.

“I… I was only with Casey to appease you, mom, and Gemma,” Harry snapped at him.

“What? What are you even talking about?” Reese narrowed his gaze on Harry.

“It was always a constant humming in my ear from you three – _are you doing okay, Harry? Do you wanna talk about it, Harry? Have you thought about going to see a therapist? How about medication?_ Casey was the one thing that made me seem normal to any of you… so I went with it,” Harry blurted out in a string of snarky imitations.

“So, why not just date Mason then? Why put on a show? If you two were _banging_ the whole time…” Reese snapped back, bringing Mason back into the conversation that was turning into some sort of battle of right and wrong between the two siblings.

“It wasn’t like that with me and Mason! We didn’t have that kind of relationship!” Harry growled as the two of them talked about her like she wasn’t there.

“So, it was just sex then? You two just fuck to get off?” Reese spat out angrily.

“It’s not like that either!” Harry yelled.

Mason wrapped her arms around herself, trying to retreat, trying to just leave the present and think of other things – _anything_ else. Everything they said made the panic rise in her chest. Her breathing was nearly out of control as she stood there gasping for air.

“Mason. Mason, it’s okay. Hey, hey – Mase,” Harry cooed, trying to get her attention. When she finally looked up, she noticed he was standing in front of her, his hands on her arms.

“Just breathe. Just— _breathe_ ,” Harry said, sucking in a deep breath to show her how.

“I’m sorry,” she heard Reese say sheepishly.

“It’s not as _dirty_ as you’re making it out to be,” Harry snapped back at him, still holding onto Mason’s arms.

“I’m sorry,” Reese said again.

“Are you okay, Mason?” Harry asked her again, looking deep into her eyes.

Her breathing evened out, but all she could do was nod her head. She still wanted to flee more than anything, but her feet never moved. 

“So, you two help each other?” Reese asked, sounding as though he was beginning to understand or at least trying to.

“I told you it was complicated,” Harry said as he wrapped his arms fully around Mason, pressing her against his chest.

“I don’t want to be left out anymore, Harry. I just… I want to know you. I want to be able to help any way I can without completely alienating you,” Reese said, his words softer and more understanding.

“I know, Reese,” Harry sighed, looking over at him as Mason pulled out of his arms.

“You okay?” Harry asked her quietly and she nodded at him again.

“I’m gonna go. I’m gonna leave you two…” Reese said, letting his words trail off as he turned to leave.

“Hey, man,” Harry called to him and Mason watched as Reese swiveled back on his heels to look at his brother.

“It’s good to see you,” Harry offered and Reese nodded his head.

“You too,” Reese replied as his lips turned up with a hint of a smile.

And with that, Reese Styles walked out of his brother’s apartment, leaving the two of them alone with each other.

“Mase…” Harry breathed. She heard him say her name, but she felt like she was miles away.

“Mason, are you alright?” He said again and she finally turned her head to look at him, her eyes frozen open in a wide stare.

“I’m sorry… about that,” Harry said, reaching out to her, but let his hand fall back down before he touched her.

She could feel her eyes fighting tears, trying to wet themselves as they stayed glued open. All she could think of was the overwhelming panic in her chest as their well-kept secret began to unravel.

“I’m sorry, Mason. I tried my best—” Harry said and she felt the twinge in her heart as the emotion overwhelmed him.

She was sure it was what snapped her out of her nearly catatonic state – Harry’s emotional well-being.

“I tried my best to keep you… to keep you safe,” Harry broke down, his tears welling in his eyes.

“Harry,” Mason whimpered as her hand clamped around the back of his neck, bringing their foreheads together.

“Harry, don’t cry,” she breathed as her own tears threatened to spill.

“I didn’t mean for anything—he shouldn’t have… this isn’t your fault,” Harry stammered as he reached up to wipe at his eyes.

“This isn’t _your_ fault,” she reminded him.

His eyes connected with hers as his hands fell away from his face. His look was one of wonder or like he was truly questioning everything that just happened. They stood there for a long moment before either of them even made a move. Harry shifted his weight as he sucked in a sniffle and it made Mason break eye contact. And the second she looked back into his eyes, he pressed forward, connecting their lips in a hardened kiss, helping subdue the tightness in her chest. 

Harry’s hands held her face gently and their lips never moved one single muscle. It lasted longer than a kiss like that should last, but neither of them pulled back right away. When Harry finally did, they just stared into each other’s eyes. Mason’s hands coming up to hold his wrists so she didn’t feel so out of control as he held her.

She didn’t know how the episode with his brother would affect the relationship they created. All she knew was she felt extremely uncomfortable that someone knew about them. Her gut was tied in painful knots and she knew things would need to change between the two of them, but it didn’t mean she wanted them to.

“Lay with me,” Mason offered, grabbing his hand in hers.

She pulled him with her to the bed and he came willingly, lying down next to her, face-to-face. They were both quiet, unsure of what to say and do. Their eyes searched one another’s and it made Mason wonder what he saw in hers. Could he sense the pain in her gut and chest? Was he that adept at reading her? Because she knew she could sense the pain he was feeling and it only added to the burden placed upon her.

So she did what she knew how to do best. She leaned forward, connecting their lips. She wanted him to feel better. She wanted his aching to go away – at least for the moment. She would do her best to help him.

Mason’s hand slid smoothly up his cheek as their mouths opened up to one another. Harry slowly eased his tongue in and tangled it with hers in a listless rhythm. To prevent her emotions from dampening her mood further, she hurried along the kiss, moving her tongue and lips faster against Harry’s and he adapted quickly. He gripped onto her hips, pulling her tightly against his body and an unbridled moan escaped her in the process.

“Harry,” Mason hummed, her head tipping back as his lips trailed down her throat.

He was advancing things between them at a rate that pleased her very much and she couldn’t hold herself back any further. She sat up next to him, breaking their contact, only to slip her leg over his body and pull herself up on top of him, her body sitting astride his middle.

The smile he led with was almost worth it all. He was so beautiful, so magnetic. It made Mason long for things she knew they could never have with each other. She had to press forward against him to prevent herself from letting those thoughts and feelings run wild inside of her. With Harry’s hands on her hips and her mouth on his lips, she felt okay with where they were. Because there was nowhere she would rather be.

“Mason…” Harry breathed against her lips.

“ _Shh_ ,” she hushed him, stifling his protest with her mouth and he went with it, tangling his tongue with hers again.

When she felt his hands slide inside of her shirt, against her warm flesh, she knew there would be no more talking that evening – not until they had their way with one another.

But even the best-laid plans often failed. There was a commotion from somewhere inside the small apartment. It was all a blur to Mason in those fleeting moments. And before she could comprehend it, Casey was stalking toward the bed, screaming at the two of them. She gripped tightly onto Mason’s ponytail, pulling her off of Harry’s startled body.

“Casey! Let go of her!” Harry yelled as he knelt on the bed, gripping onto Casey’s wrist.

“You’re a whore, Mason! You’re a _whore!”_ Casey screamed at her as her grip seemed to tighten on her strands, nearly yanking them out by the roots. Nothing but squeaks and gasps came out of Mason’s mouth as her body knelt rigidly under Casey’s control.

“LET GO, GOD DAMN IT!” Harry’s voice boomed, which startled Casey enough to release Mason from her talons.

“How could you do this to me, Harry!? How could you do this!? With _her!”_ Casey bellowed, tears welling in her eyes.

It was then Mason realized April was standing behind her friend, her mouth agape, watching the scene unfold as Mason sat motionless and numb next to Harry on the mattress.

“Casey—I just… I—” Harry stammered, unsure of how he could actually explain any of this to her that would make her understand – because truly, there would never be enough words in his vocabulary to explain this away.

“Fuck you, Harry! Two years! _Two years!_ Does that mean anything to you… _at all!?_ _”_ Casey cried, looking at Harry incredulously.

“Casey…” Harry said, but there was no emotion in his voice, no sympathy, and Mason knew he didn’t feel any. He wasn’t even trying to feign it anymore.

“And to think, I called you a friend!” Casey spat, turning to look at Mason with a vicious stare. Mason couldn’t remember a time Casey ever treated her like a _friend_ , or vice-versa. But she wasn’t in the position to argue.

“Karma’s a bitch, you know. I hope it comes back and bites you – _hard_ , you home-wrecker,” Casey snarled at her.

“That’s enough, Casey!” Harry bellowed. Casey’s attention immediately snapped back to Harry.

“You’re defending her? _How cute_ ,” she said with a sarcastic sneer, just before the tears overwhelmed her again.

“Just… go home, Casey,” Harry breathed lowly.

“Screw you,” she mewled as April came over to comfort her. But as soon as she did, Casey pushed out of her arms and ran out the door. Mason sat frozen, her gaze meeting with April’s disapproving eyes.

“How could you?” April breathed lowly. It affected Mason, only because April was actually her friend. Her opinion mattered.

“April…” Mason breathed, unsure of what she could even say to make her look at her the way she used to.

“I never thought you’d be _this_ person, Mason,” she told her with a condemning look as she shook her head.

“It’s more complicated than… than you can ever fathom,” Mason told her, her voice taking on an almost pleading quality.

“I don’t think I want to know,” April said with so much finality in her tone, it shook Mason. 

As April spun on her heels to follow her friend out, Mason called her name, but she didn’t respond. The door slammed with her exit and Mason was left with Harry again, the silence deafening.

“The door… I didn’t lock it after Reese left,” Harry’s apologetic voice startled her.

“I have to go,” Mason said immediately as she scrambled off the bed.

“Mason,” Harry called, stopping her in his tracks, her back still to him.

“Don’t go,” he said hopefully. 

Mason took in a shuddered breath and she knew she couldn’t give in. They screwed up so much already.

“I can’t stay,” she retorted before her feet moved her the final distance to his door, quickly grabbing her jacket from the closet in the process. 

Harry called out her name one last time, but just like April’s exit, the closing of the door was as final as it would ever be.


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**March 2018**

 

Mason took it for granted – having Harry to herself every single night they were gone. She took it for granted and now she didn’t have him at all. It was made blatantly clear that night. Harry was never hers. She was merely borrowing him.

She rode the subway home from his apartment, doing her best to not make eye contact with anyone. Her eyes were blotchy and red, and she didn’t need anyone asking her what could possibly be the matter. She didn’t want to talk. She didn’t want to think. She didn’t want to do anything. She wished she was unconscious for that purpose alone. She didn’t want to feel the agonizing pain in her chest. She didn’t want to think about what tomorrow would hold, or what the future held because she knew Harry couldn’t be in it. They were too reckless for too long and now they were suffering the consequences. They were hurting people they had no business hurting. They were selfish. That’s all they were. They were too focused on their own lives to even think about how their actions would affect the people around them. And now it was too late to salvage anything or anyone. They were all going down in flames.

When Mason got back to her empty apartment she noticed she had a voicemail on her phone from Harry. A part of her wanted to delete it. She knew she probably couldn’t handle hearing his voice anymore that night. But she also knew she wouldn’t be able to restrain herself and before she even really thought about it, she brought the phone up to her ear as his recorded voice came through on the other end.

 _“Hey, Mason… can you call me? I just… I need you to call me. I don’t want you thinking this was your fault. None of this is your fault, it’s mine. It’s mine, okay. Just… call me, please. I want to know you’re alright. I’m going to call you again in a little while if you don’t call me, okay. I just… please, Mase. Call me,”_ Harry’s voicemail ended and Mason’s heart weighed heavily in her chest. 

She didn’t know whether it was a good idea to call him or not. A clean break – that’s what she needed. She just needed to be done. She couldn’t do this to either of them anymore. She needed to be strong without him. She wasn’t sure how well her plan would work, but she was certain it had to. 

Her thoughts were startled by the phone vibrating in her hand. It was Harry and her heart nearly broke in her chest. It seemed to be the right time to get it all out in the open. She had to do it. She had to tell him her decision to end their _arrangement_. She took a deep breath and answered before she lost her nerve. 

“Harry,” she breathed lowly.

“ _Mason_ —hey. Hey, I’m glad you answered,” Harry said breathlessly, sounding relieved he actually reached her.

“Harry, this is—” Mason choked, her voice cutting off the words she so desperately needed to say.

“You don’t have to say anything, okay. Tonight was fucked up. I know that, okay. But, just—” Harry talked fast, and it wasn’t easy to interrupt, but she knew she had to.

“This isn’t a good time,” she finally cut in, even though it wasn’t what she initially meant to say. She lost her nerve with just the sound of his voice.

“Uh, okay. Um, do you want to talk tomorrow then?” He asked eagerly.

“Uh… sure,” she sighed as she pinched the bridge of her nose with her index finger and thumb.

It wasn’t going to be easy – whether she did it tonight or tomorrow. It would hurt the same, she was sure of it. But she had nothing left in her tonight. So she let the words get caught on the tip of her tongue.

“Okay,” he said quietly, letting his end of the phone line go quiet. And Mason didn’t know what else to say, so she stayed quiet as well. And they were like that for far too long, making the pain in her chest grow.

Mason squeezed her eyes shut, trying to block the tears before they came, but it was no use.

“This isn’t your fault, Mason,” Harry said barely above a whisper, breaking their silence.

“I know,” she mewled, her emotions distorting her voice slightly.

“I’ll call you tomorrow,” he said finally with a light sigh.

“Yeah,” she whispered, biting at her lip to hold off from completely breaking down.

“Goodnight, Mason,” Harry breathed, sounding unbearably sad and it tore at her.

“Night,” she managed to croak before she pulled the phone away and ended the call as quickly as she could.

Mason let out a cry that echoed off of every wall in her tiny apartment before burying her face in her pillow. She cried herself to sleep that night and woke up the next day just as miserable. 

She didn’t eat anything for breakfast. She didn’t have the patience for anything. She knew she needed to do something to keep her mind off of things, so she went to the café she worked at to speak with her boss about getting back on the schedule.

She felt completely drained as she rode the subway and she was certain people could see it all over her face, even read it in her body language. She would never be the same after Harry. She was just starting to feel like her life was on the verge of being slightly normal – she had a boy she liked and he seemed to like her back – that was normal, right? But then reality crashed down on her again. And she knew she would never be normal – that she couldn’t have normal. Not when she chose to live in the most untraditional, abnormal ways. She couldn’t just sleep with someone’s boyfriend for two years and not expect any consequences when they got caught. What were they even thinking? Truth was, they weren’t. They were selfish. That was all it came down to in the end.

As Mason walked into the tiny restaurant where she worked, she was met with a full dining room and she knew just by the atmosphere that her fellow workers were in over their heads. The morning rush had blown in and Janice and the few other waitresses on duty looked like they’d been running ragged since the doors opened.

“Janice…” Mason said as she walked up to her at the counter. Janice spun on her feet, eyes wide looking at her.

“Mason! Holy— _wow_. A sight for sore eyes!” She said, smiling widely as she dried her hands on the small apron tied to her waist before wrapping her arms around Mason’s shoulders in a quick, tight hug.

“It’s good to see you too,” Mason said, smiling bashfully at her.

“We’ve missed you around here, as you can tell,” Janice said with a smirk as she waved her hand at the full dining room where the majority of the patronage sat.

“That’s, uh… that’s why I’m here. I was hoping I could start working again,” Mason told her as she twisted her fingers together anxiously.

“Can you start now?” She asked, heightening her eyebrows.

“Well, yeah. Of course,” Mason nodded, giving her a small smile.

“You’re on,” Janice said, tossing her a rag so she could start busing tables.

“Thank you,” Mason said, smiling at her as she walked behind the counter to clock-in.

The morning passed quickly while Mason got back into her grove at the café. She and Janice were like a well-oiled machine when they worked together. There was no bullshit. They got things done and it felt good to be back. 

Mason didn’t take a break until mid-afternoon and all she felt was relief over the fact that she was able to keep her mind off her personal life the whole time. But as soon as she sat down in the back room, April walked in, ready to start her shift and Mason’s issues entrapped her once again. She would never escape her problems, no matter how much deflection she mustered up on a daily basis. 

April froze in her footsteps at the sight of Mason and all they could do was stare back at one another. Mason had so much she wanted to say, but then again, she wasn’t the type of person who would ever say it. And being the type of person April was, it was odd that she wasn’t saying anything or even just screaming in Mason’s face for being such a terrible human being. She deserved it. Instead, April bypassed her altogether, depositing her purse in the back office before knotting up her hair in a ponytail on the top of her head.

“I’m sorry,” Mason said quietly as she watched April tie on her apron before turning to send Mason a short glare before she went back to ignoring her.

“I know you probably hate me now. And what we did – what _I_ did was really fucked up, but—” Mason started to apologize.

“But _what_ _?”_ April sneered at her.

“But, I’m _sorry_ ,” Mason pressed, hating the fact that her only friend couldn’t even stand to look at her anymore.

“Nothing you say is going to justify what you did,” April snapped at her.

“It’s all so fucked up, April. I know,” Mason sighed, hanging her head.

“Why did you do it? What could possibly make you sleep with another girl’s boyfriend? Casey is a mess,” April spoke fast, her eyes flaring with anger.

“Harry and I… we met three years ago. Before… before Casey,” Mason admitted quietly.

“I already know all this. Casey talked to Harry this morning. He admitted to everything. And it doesn’t matter if you met him first. He was _hers_ , Mason. It doesn’t give you the right!” April nearly growled at her.

“I know,” Mason said quietly, realizing what a shitty person she’d been to just about everyone in her life.

“This is so fucked up,” April said under her breath.

“You have no idea,” Mason agreed. Everything having to do with her and Harry was fucked up – past and present.

“You two… you’re disgusting. Why even… why would he even date Casey if he was screwing you all along?” April scoffed. It was Harry’s brother’s exact reaction too and it made Mason realize it seemed simple to everyone else, but to the two of them, it was never that simple.

“Not everything in this world is butterflies and rainbows. People are fucked up. People have issues you can’t see on the surface, April. Harry and I are those kinds of people. Harry – he’s messed up. Things are… messed up,” Mason explained, feeling frustrated by her fucked up life and she didn’t even have the balls to say it out loud. She could only mention Harry’s, because she made her past into this big secret that followed her around so shamefully. She knew what happened to her wasn’t her fault, yet it still made her feel ashamed enough to not speak out loud about it.

“There is no excuse for what you two did,” April scowled at her. Mason honestly wasn’t trying to make an excuse. She knew things would never be the same between her and April ever again, so it would be of no use. She was just trying to get her point across, even though she didn’t really know how. Words were never her thing.

“There _is_ no excuse. But you’re living in a world of naivety – Casey too. If she was so naïve to not see—I just… Harry is screwed up. He doesn’t… he doesn’t feel normally, he doesn’t live a normal life. He’s not _normal_. He had a fucked up childhood. Fucked up things happened to him – things that neither of you could ever comprehend with the _silver spoon_ lifestyles you lead. And I’m not saying that’s either of your faults. I’m just saying there is so much you don’t even know – so much darkness. And through that, Harry was my light and I was his,” Mason said finally, actually realizing it herself in that moment, causing tears to form in her eyes. Harry always pulled her out of her darkness. He was the only one who ever could.

“Whether or not he was your ‘light’ – or whatever, he wasn’t _yours_ to have, Mason. And it’s fucked up that you would do something like that. I thought I knew you. I thought I made better decisions about who I called a _friend_ ,” April spat, missing Mason’s point by a mile.

“I get it. I completely get it,” Mason said quietly, conceding from continuing the argument any further. She knew her words were falling on deaf ears. April didn’t want to hear it and Mason wasn’t going to waste her breath on trying.

“No, I don’t think you do,” April seethed, narrowing her eyes at Mason before she spun on her heels.

“I’m not going to see him anymore,” Mason said, just loud enough for April to hear, stopping her in her tracks again.

“A little too late, don’t you think?” She snapped, before walking out to the dining room, leaving Mason alone to spend the last miserable minutes of her break alone.

Tensions were high as Mason worked the rest of her shift, staying an extra couple of hours, until the dinner rush tapered off. There was nowhere she would have rather been. Working – even working in such close proximity to April – kept her mind occupied. She knew the minute she stepped foot into her apartment she was going to dwell on things. And she just didn’t want that.

Instead of taking the subway home, Mason decided to walk. It was only ten blocks and it was a pretty decent night weather-wise. The sounds of the city were lulling her into a peaceful mindset as she walked, but she knew it was only a matter of time before her mind betrayed her once again.

Turning into the nearest _Duane Reade_ drugstore, she located the sleep-aid aisle and purchased a box, knowing she wouldn’t make it through the night without some sort of help to nod her off. She also invested in a large bottle of water and a pack of cigarettes. She didn’t even smoke, but she needed something else to focus on. It was a bad habit to worm her way into, but at that point, she was the queen of all things bad.

After she inhaled the first puff of smoke, she let it out in a large cough, not used to cigarette smoke polluting her lungs. It made her long for one of Harry’s joints and the soothing nature the weed always had to calm her nerves. No wonder Harry always smoked when he was feeling out of control.

And just like that, her mind brought her back to him – and all the pain associated with it. She sucked on the cigarette a little harder, wishing for death so she didn’t have to feel the way she felt for the rest of her life. But she knew the only death these little cancer sticks would ever give her would be a slow agonizing one.

No one would understand what she and Harry did for each other or why they did it. And in the end, they would always be the bad guys for feeling the way they did and for the decisions they made. _From victims to villains._

When Mason got home, she swallowed two sleep-aid tablets, sucking them down with a large gulp of the water before she turned on the TV. She figured she could numb her mind with pointless television as she waited for the pills to do their job. And for the next three days and nights, it was exactly what she did. She avoided Harry’s calls. She worked long hours at the café until her feet throbbed and her body ached. And once she got home at night, she would drug herself to sleep. 

 _Repeat, repeat, repeat_.

Three nights came and went and she thought she was getting the hang of it – of keeping away from Harry. Her nightmares died off since the road trip, which seemed like a good sign to her. And not having the nightmares helped to decrease the need to take the subway halfway across town to Harry’s doorstep. Maybe if the nightmares were gone, then she wouldn’t need Harry. Maybe it would be easier than she thought to ax him out of her life. But she knew it wouldn’t be, because she still saw Harry’s face in her dreams. And it was almost as agonizing as any nightmare she could ever have.

Mason was exhausted – physically, mentally, and emotionally. She just wanted to be unconscious. But before she even got the chance to down the little snooze-inducers, there was a wild set of knocks on her door, startling her completely.

She knew almost immediately who it was. He was the only person who ever had any reason to show up at her door, even more so now that she and April were on the outs. She knew it would never be her standing on the other side of her door anymore. 

Mason bit her lip roughly as she looked at the door, wondering if maybe she could just avoid him a little bit longer. But she knew three days was stretching it. She was going to have to face him sooner or later – and like she said before, it was going to hurt the same no matter how long she held off.

She slowly pulled the door open and saw her instinct was right. Harry was standing on the other side, looking at her hopefully.

“Mason,” he said immediately, causing her heart to beat a little faster and she knew it was because she missed him.

Her mouth was so dry and she knew even if she opened it, no words would come out. She hadn’t really fully prepared herself for this, mainly because she spent all her waking hours pushing thoughts of him out of her brain. Whatever she said to him was destined to be a mess and she knew whatever he said would ultimately leave her in shreds. She wasn’t prepared. 

“What’s going on? You can talk to me, you know that, right?” He said, giving her a knowing look that ate her alive.

“Mason, you know that, _right_ _?”_ Harry pressed for an answer. She could do nothing but close her eyes tightly as her breathing became ragged and the tightness in her chest increased.

“Please don’t do that,” he said quietly, an air of distress hanging at the end of each word.

Mason opened her eyes to look at him, finding sadness in his. And she could see the way his lips fought so hard to stay in a straight line rather than the frown that was battling its way onto his expression.

“I’m not doing anything,” she whispered, her voice slightly cracking.

“You’re pulling away,” he retorted, watching her carefully.

“We can’t—” Mason said, shaking her head as her eyes dropped to the floor and her emotions got the better of her.

“Don’t _do_ that,” he said more sternly, catching her off guard. Her wide-eyes found his fiery ones and it caused her to tremble.

“God, Mason. After everything we just went through together. You were opening up. You let me—you let me in. You let me— _gahhh_ ,” he sighed, running his hands quickly through his hair.

“This isn’t… we just… this isn’t right. I don’t think we should see each other anymore, Harry. I just don’t think—this isn’t…” Mason stammered before her words trailed off, knowing she didn’t even believe half of what she said.

“You can’t do that, Mason. You can’t just— _god!_ Why are you doing this?” He erupted and she could hear the defense in his words. He was fighting to hold onto anything and everything they had. And she couldn’t blame him for that. He was like an addiction for her and it wouldn’t surprise her if he felt the same way about her.

“Did I even mean anything to you at all? Did anything we did with each other, anything we said – did it mean anything?” He asked, looking at her incredulously.

Of course it did. But she couldn’t tell him that. Not when she was trying so hard to let him down gently. She didn’t want to hurt him. He was the last person on earth that she wanted to hurt.

“I can’t, Harry. I just – it’s not fair. I can’t,” she said, on the verge of tears.

“You can’t? What is that supposed to mean? You’re just gonna drop me like I meant nothing to you?” He asked as tears filled his eyes.

 _Oh, Jesus_. She wasn’t sure she could handle seeing him cry. She never could. It always drained her. His pain was hers – immediately. 

“We _are_ nothing to each other, Harry,” she said quietly as her first tears fell and streaked her cheeks, speaking a truth neither of them had ever acknowledged out loud. She was not his and he sure as hell wasn’t hers.

“You know that’s not true,” he breathed, looking more somber than she had ever seen him.

Mason couldn’t look at him anymore. She had to look away. She knew she had to let it go – to just rip it off like a Band-Aid. But just as she was about to open her mouth to really throw in the towel, Harry’s temper got the better of him.

“Don’t act like you’re just another warm body for me to stick it in, Mason. Because you know there’s more to us than that. There is so much more than that,” Harry spouted as the anger and annoyance exploded with his words.

“I… I… Harry…” Mason stammered as she tried to fight off her tears.

“You’re scared, so you’re running away. That’s it, right?” He pointed out angrily. It wasn’t the first time he called her out on her bullshit, but it still surprised her. And it annoyed her, even though they both knew he was right.

“You’re scared. But you don’t have to be, Mason. _God._ Why—why are you running from me?” He asked, his voice almost pleading, letting the anger fall away completely. Mason’s tears were relentless as her gaze was glued to the floor. She couldn’t handle looking into his eyes. She couldn’t do it.

“What would you do—what would you do right now if I just wasn’t in your life anymore? How would you feel, Mason?” Harry asked, taking on another tactic to get her to open up to him. When she didn’t answer, he got impatient with her again.

“ _Huh_ , Mason? What would you do? Who would you _run to_ _?”_ He pressed, making the blood itch in her veins. She didn’t know how to answer him. She had no one.

“I don’t know,” she breathed quietly, still unable to look up at him.

“You don’t _know_?” He growled, frustrated with her again.

“I don’t know!” She yelled back, just as frustrated.

“You _do_ know. You’re just scared. Stop being fucking scared, Mason. God damn it. Just let yourself be free. Let it go. Let me _love_ you!” He snapped. He was worked up and spoke fast, and she could tell his words took even him by surprise.

Mason took in a sharp breath, looking at him incredulously, her annoyance dissipating immediately, replaced only with a sickness in gut.

“Mason,” Harry sighed, shaking his head. She couldn’t tell if it was regret or something else that was plastered on his face, but when he finally looked away from her, it was enough of an out for her to back away.

“Mason, please don’t,” he sighed, looking up to see her retreating.

“I can’t, Harry. I just… I can’t,” she told him finally, backing further into her apartment.

Their eyes connected one last time before she shut the door on him and all she could see was the sadness plaguing him. Only this time she wouldn’t be there to run to him, to make him feel better. Too much had come between them. There was too much baggage in both of their lives. She couldn’t handle her own with his weighing her down too.

Mason took two sleeping pills and curled up on her bed, letting the tears and sadness envelop her. She wasn’t aware of time. The lingering sun finally set in the sky, leaving her apartment completely dark, but she wasn’t even sure if she was conscious. She was just there, lying in the darkness, wrapped up in it like a cocoon.

She barely heard the soft knock on her apartment door. Before she knew it, she was sitting up in bed, turning the bedside lamp on. Everything felt like it was in slow motion – from the way she pulled herself out of bed, to the slow strides she took to the door. Another knock came right before she reached out for the handle. And when the door was finally opened, she was certain she was in a dream. Her uncle stood in front of her, only an arm’s length away.

The panic immediately swelled in her chest, realizing her nightmares didn’t really go away. Was she still having them all along, even though she didn’t remember them in the morning? Did the sleeping pills help push them out of her conscious mind? If so, they weren’t doing a very good job now.

“You can’t hurt me anymore. You can’t—” Mason mumbled as she stared wide-eyed at him. She blinked a couple of time to see if the image of him would distort or just go away, but he didn’t move. He didn’t even flinch.

“Mason…” He breathed, but his voice wasn’t the slimy, vile sound it usually was in her nightmares. It sounded sad and remorseful.

It was nothing like the hallucinations she had of him. In them, he was always the villain, but there he stood in front of her, and all she could think was he looked like a shell of the man he used to be.

“You’re really here,” she gasped at the realization, feeling the anxiety swell in her chest to levels she was sure she wasn’t equipped to handle.


	18. Chapter Eighteen

He was really there. Her uncle Brian, the man who raped her, stood in front of her in the doorway of her apartment. This place was her safe haven. He was not supposed to be there. He was not allowed there. Why the hell was he there?

“Mason, I just… I wanted to talk. I-I… I have so much to apologize for,” he said with a sigh as his eyes shamefully looked down at the floor. 

Mason’s eyes quickly darted around her surroundings, looking for something, anything she could possibly defend herself with if need be, but she came up with nothing. And then he was looking back up at her again. Her head felt distorted from the sleeping pills and she was wobbly on her feet, but she stood her ground. She wasn’t going to show any signs of weakness.

“I’m, uh… I’m in AA. You know, _Alcoholics Anonymous_. It’s, uh… it’s really helped a lot. Made me into a better man, you know,” he started to explain. And Mason wasn’t sure why she stood there listening. Maybe it was because she was too afraid to move, to speak.

“And, uh… they have these steps – twelve steps,” he said as his eyes looked up into hers again. Her skin crawled with his eyes on her and she never wanted to flee from anything so badly in her life.

“I’ve, uh… I’ve gone through eight of them already. And the eighth one – well, that one has me make a list of all the people I have harmed and I’m supposed to make amends with them. And Mason, you’re number one on that list,” he told her, pursing his lips together in sort of a sad pout.

Mason’s stomach stirred intensely at the thought of everything that happened between them, at the thought of the person she became after what he did to her. _Make amends?_ She didn’t know if that would ever be possible. 

“Number nine states: make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others,” he said, sounding as if he memorized it word-for-word from the AA handbook. 

 _Except when to do so would injure them_. All Mason could think was, did emotional instability count? Because she was sure she couldn’t really handle any of this.

“I’m sorry, Mason. I’m sorry for what I did. You can never begin to comprehend the state I was in when… when _it_ happened,” he said, sounding like he was making an excuse for himself. He couldn’t even say the words out loud. He couldn’t even admit he raped her.

“It was… it was a dark time. Things… it was just dark. And I can’t even…” He paused when his voice cracked with emotions. Mason’s eyes narrowed at the man in front of her, feeling her whole body being lit up with uncontrolled rage.

“I-I took advantage of the situation. I was messed up in the head and the alcohol clouded everything. I just lost my sister—your mother. She was… she was my best friend in the whole world…” He whimpered as he began to get choked up, but every word he said only infuriated her more.

“You ‘ _took advantage’_? You _raped_ me. And you came back and almost did it a second time. You _would have_ if I didn’t fight you off me,” Mason snapped, resentment heavy in her words as she relived both nights in her head.

The anger that radiated through her caused her body to tremble as she stood in front of him. She felt out of control having him back in her world, like her life was not her own, like any second he would attack her. And in that moment she knew by ridding herself of the nightmares of him, it didn’t mean she would ever be rid of him. He was always going to be there in the back of her mind. He was always going to haunt her. He was always going to be able to find her.

“I’m so sorry, Mason. What can I do?” He said, hanging his head sheepishly, unable to look her in the eye.

 _What could he do?_ Nothing. Nothing would ever fix it. Nothing in the whole entire world could turn back time to before it happened. He could do _nothing_. Not a damn thing.

“I want you to admit it. I want you to say the words out loud. I don’t want you to mask them. I want you to admit what you did to me,” she told him.

Her words were angry and resentful, and she almost didn’t recognize her own voice. Where the nerve came from, she had no idea.

“Mason…” He breathed, finally looking up into her eyes as his eyebrows furrowed, like it pained him to have to say it out loud. And she hoped it did. She hoped he felt even a tiny bit of the destruction he brought upon her world.

“I am your sister’s _daughter_. I am all that’s left of her. And what you did to me— _say it_ ,” she seethed through clenched teeth, gripping her hands together into tight fists at her sides.

“I-I’m sorry,” he said quietly, hanging his head once again, and she could hear the emotions in his words, but she didn’t care.

“ _Say it_ ,” she growled, thinking maybe if he admitted to what he did, she could get back some of the dignity he stole from her.

His head slowly moved back up, linking their vision again. It felt like time stopped as they stared each other down. Fear spread through her at the thought of angering him to the point of violence, or worse. She regretted her decision to call him out almost immediately as she saw the raw emotion ripple through his eyes. She held her breath until his shoulders slumped and he let out an unmistakable sigh. 

“I-I… raped you. I’m so sorry,” he admitted quietly, looking into her eyes as his tears streaked down his cheeks.

Mason’s breathing hitched in her throat and she knew then and there that hearing him finally admit to it wasn’t ever going to make any of it better. She would still never be the same girl she used to be. She would still be irrevocably fucked up because of him.

“I don’t forgive you. I can’t,” she choked out, finally looking away from him.

“Mason, I’m so sorry,” he said as a strangled sob fell from his lips.

“Leave. Please. And… and don’t ever come back here,” she managed to tell him through her tears. Her whole body was shaking, but she wasn’t going to let him see how much he affected her.

“I’m sorry,” he said again and she noticed out of the corner of her eye that he took a step back and it was a relief.

“I don’t ever want to see you again. Don’t ever try to contact me again,” she told him, her voice low and resentful.

“Mason…” He pleaded.

“Ever,” she said with a bitter finality in her tone, looking up into his eyes to show she meant it.

He stared back at her for a few moments before he nodded his head slightly and took another step back. With one last look in her direction, he disappeared down the hallway, toward the stairs. As soon as he was out of sight, Mason took in a liberated breath, slammed her door shut and locked the deadbolt tightly. 

Her heart was nearly beating out of her chest as her back pressed up against the door. Her breathing became ragged and she was certain she was having a full-blown panic attack. Her chest burned with tightness and she couldn’t catch her breath. Her whole world was out of control and she could do absolutely nothing to center herself. She didn’t have the ability. 

Her mind cut straight to Harry and it only aggravated the panic attack further. He had the power to calm her, to center her, but she couldn’t – she _wouldn’t_ let herself go back down that road.

She slid down the door, her body pooling onto the hardwood floor, pulling her legs to her chest as it heaved with ragged breaths. Her tears were relentless as fear settled within her. _He_ stood in her doorway. _He_ knew where she lived. _He_ knew where she went to sleep at night. It was one thing for him to find her in her dreams, but for him to be able to find her in real life was absolutely terrifying. She no longer felt safe in her own home.

Mason scrambled to her feet, her fear guiding her. She couldn’t stay in her apartment – not tonight. She couldn’t live in a constant state of hyper-vigilance. Not when _he_ could come back at any moment. 

She pulled a hoodie from her closet and threw it over her head before she grabbed her purse and slung it over her shoulder. She had no idea where she was going to go, but she knew staying there was not an option. As soon as she stepped foot outside, she took extra care to check her surroundings just in case her uncle was still lurking around. When the coast seemed to be clear, she walked quickly toward the nearest subway inlet to get out of the open. Her only thought was to get a good distance away from her apartment, and that was what she did.

Mason found herself on a train in the middle of the night, riding around aimlessly, up and down the island before she got off at the _Grand Central Station_ terminal. It was the same spot she was able to center herself after seeing her uncle for the first time in many years just after the New Year. And now she was hoping to maybe find some solace there again. But her mind was much too scrambled for any type of relief or peace. The tightness in her chest never left, and once her tears started up again, she found herself in the bathroom trying to come down from another severe panic attack.

She hated herself for not being able to control her emotions. She hated herself for not being a stronger person, then and now. She hated herself for pushing away the one person who understood her the best, the only person who could make her feel better.

Her tears were relentless as she stood in front of the large mirror in the women’s bathroom trying to wipe them away. And when the door opened, she quickly slipped into a stall, holding her hand over her mouth to stifle her cries. She waited patiently for the one other soul in the bathroom to leave before she let out a choked sob, hating herself even more because she couldn’t stop crying.

She was so stupid. How did she allow her life get so derailed? Why couldn’t she just be normal?

The anger welled inside of her and she smashed her fist into the metal stall door, regretting the decision almost immediately. Pain shot straight through the extremity and she let out a yelp before a string of curse words spilled from her mouth. 

Mason shook her hand fiercely before surveying the damage. Her knuckles were dark pink and quickly starting to swell.

“Fuck,” she growled, letting out a deep sigh.

It was nights like this that made her wish she was dead. She hadn’t felt so strongly about it since she nearly did herself in with her grandmother’s pain meds. Unfortunately for her, she didn’t have the luxury of offing herself in a public bathroom, so she dragged her feet and her throbbing hand out to the terminal to find an empty bench to sit at. As the minutes and hours ticked by, Mason found herself slumping further down on the bench until she was eventually lying down with her purse as a pillow.

 ...

_“I want you to leave. You need to get out. Now,” Mason roared at him as he stood in the doorway of her apartment._

_“Leave? I don’t think so, Mason. You thought I was gone – out of your mind forever? You were so wrong,” her uncle Brian seethed, his eyes fixated on her as he took a step into her apartment._

_“GET OUT!” Mason screamed._

_“No one is going to hear you. No one,” he scowled at her as he closed the door behind himself, closing the gap between them._

_The backs of her knees hit the mattress and she was tumbling backward onto it as vivid flashbacks of the first time filled her head. It was happening again. It was happening all over again, only this time it was worse because he was sober – he was in his right mind._

_His body weighed her down and she couldn’t breathe. Her lungs fought for air as she struggled below him, his hands pawing at her clothing. She couldn’t scream. Her muscles felt so tight, almost to the point that she couldn’t move. It was like she was becoming incapacitated with every passing second._

_“What are you doing, Mason?” She heard another voice and her head immediately turned toward the sound._

_Her eyes found Harry’s face almost immediately, and her heart fluttered at the sight of him._

_“I can’t believe you would do this,” Harry said, shaking his head at her._

_“Harry,” Mason squeaked as she tried to push up on her uncle. It felt like a ton of bricks were pressing down on her._

_“I thought I meant something to you,” Harry continued, looking so disappointed._

_“No, Harry,” she managed to say through the tears._

_“What a disappointment,” Harry scoffed, taking a step back._

_“Help me,” Mason croaked in one last ditch effort, trying to get through to him._

_But he turned and walked away, leaving her with the devil himself._

_“No!” Mason cried, finally getting the strength to shake free._

_Suddenly she was left thrashing alone in her bed, realizing she was all alone. Completely alone, and it was absolutely crippling._

_There was no Brian in her life. But there was also no Harry._

 ...

Mason woke up in a cold sweat on the bench in _Grand Central Station_ as people bustled all around her. Through the large windows, she could see it was morning, and the relief was real. Her hand throbbed as she pulled herself up on the bench and she remembered her little episode in the bathroom. She looked down to find her knuckles were black and blue, and she silently wondered if she broke anything. She paid it no mind though as she pulled her purse over her shoulder and got up off the bench. She caught the stares people gave her, judging her with every look, but she didn’t care. Nothing mattered. Absolutely nothing.

There was a knock on Mason’s door later that afternoon, and she felt absolute terror at the prospect of her uncle returning. As her feet carried her quietly to the door, she hoped with every fiber of her being that it was someone completely harmless – like a neighbor or the landlord. She didn’t think she could handle any more agitation or excitement.

She made sure to stay as silent as possible as she stood on her tiptoes to look into the peep-hole. When she saw Harry’s face, she sucked in a startled breath, dropping her heels back onto the ground. Her hand came up to clamp over her lips, realizing he probably heard her. 

“Can you please open the door, Mason?” She heard Harry say seconds later and it made her heart hurt to hear the pain in his voice. 

She took a few staggered breaths before her shaking hand came up to unlock the door and open it. Harry stood before her looking disheveled and sleep-deprived, but he was still as beautiful as ever. 

“Mason,” he breathed as his eyes washed up and down her body, taking in her entire being, like he was cataloging every moment, every inch of her. 

Mason didn’t know what to say or do, so she just stood there awkwardly, unsure if she should look away, so she kept her eyes on his.

“I can’t stop thinking about you,” he whispered, his voice slightly cracking.

She held her breath as painful emotions shot through her. She tried to let him go. It was a fight every single day and now there he was, and it would be so easy for her to just sink into him. But she knew she couldn’t, she shouldn’t. Casey’s distraught face flooded her mind – and then April’s disappointment. How selfish had she been with him? She didn’t think of anyone but herself.

“Do… do you remember what you told me the… the night you stayed with me at my parent’s house?” He began to speak lowly and it made goosebumps raise on her skin. 

She could do nothing but stare back at him, frozen in her own body like a statue.

“You said… you told me the shape of a heart… it’s—it’s shape comes from two human hearts being tethered together – that it might mean love, right, Mason?” Harry’s eyes stared into hers like he was really looking for an answer, but she couldn’t speak. She couldn’t even breathe.

“Our hearts, Mason—they’re tethered together, okay,” he said with a burst of confidence.

“They’re not,” she breathed, dropping her eyes away from him.

“They _are_ , Mason—whether you like it or not. Our hearts are tethered together and it is love. I know you love me, Mason. I know you do,” he argued.

Mason bit her lip hard, trying to stifle the tears that blurred her eyes, but it was no use. He was calling her out again and all she could do was struggle to try to tell herself she didn’t love him, when she knew she did.

“You’ve told me things you’ve never told a soul. And you know things about me I’ve never told anyone either. We’re connected in a way you may not want to acknowledge. But we are. You said so yourself. Do you remember?” Harry said exasperatedly. But Mason couldn’t move, she couldn’t look up at him and she couldn’t respond.

“I know we’re fucked up. I know this is fucked up. Everything is fucked up. But can’t we just be fucked up together?” He explained with a passion in his voice that was more than she ever felt. Her eyes looked up into his pained ones and she almost regretted it, because she could feel herself being pulled to him.

“I just want to be fucked up with you,” he breathed, his voice nearly whimpering as he looked at her with big round pleading eyes.

Mason felt the pain of the situation all over – in her heart and her mind, in her soul. But she knew they were wrong. How can anything be right when they were always wrong?

“I look at you and all I can feel is guilt,” Mason croaked, finally finding her voice. 

Harry’s facial features contorted into a look of agony before they evened out again.

“There was one person I had in this world who put up with my shit, who liked me for me, and that was April. Now I have no one,” Mason continued, dropping her eyes away from his.

“You have me, Mason. Why can’t you see that?” He pointed out.

“I don’t have you. I can’t have you. Why can’t _you_ see that?” Mason growled, feeling nothing but frustration because he seemed to forget everything when he was in her presence.

For years, he _forgot_ he had a girlfriend when he was with her. Now he was conveniently forgetting what happened four nights ago when Casey and April found them together.

“You’re making it harder than it has to be, Mason. I want to make your life better. I want to make you happy. I know you were happy with me. I know I made you happy, Mason. Just—” He spoke fast and desperate, and it only helped to spike her blood pressure.

“No, Harry. No. I just—I can’t go there with you anymore. I can’t—we can’t,” she snapped in a clipped tone as she wiped frantically at her tears.

“I love you, Mason. I’m in love with you,” he choked out and it made her stop as her breath caught in her throat.

“I love you,” he whispered, his own breath getting caught.

“You don’t love me, Harry. I’m unlovable,” she told him.

“You’re not. Mason—” Harry said, ready to argue once again, but she had no fight left in her and she stopped him before he could start.

“Maybe someday, Harry. But not now,” she managed to say.

She knew hope hung on every word and she also knew she couldn’t promise what her words meant, but she couldn’t bear to hurt him any more than she already was.

“Please, Mason,” he whimpered, his green eyes pleading with her.

“I can’t. I _cannot_ , Harry. I just… I can’t. Can you just, please—I’m trying so hard here. I just… I can’t do this,” Mason cried, her tears welling in her eyes again.

“Mason,” he croaked.

“I can’t,” she whimpered, feeling absolutely drained from everything that was piling on top of her at once.

Mason closed her eyes tightly as her face dropped into her hands. Her whole body shook with uncontrolled sobs. She could do nothing to stop them. 

“I’m sorry, Mason. I’m sorry,” she heard Harry say. Her cries only hastened with his words.

“Mase…” He said quietly and she felt his hand on her back as he tried to comfort her.

“Please, I can’t,” she cried, quickly shaking him off.

“Okay,” he said quietly.

She wasn’t sure how long he stood there watching her fall apart. She wasn’t sure of anything. Because the next thing she remembered was waking up in her bed alone. Harry was gone and it felt so final. Like the dream she had the night before. He was gone and she was completely alone.


	19. Chapter Nineteen

**March 2018**

Mason spent two days in bed. She kept drugging herself with sleeping pills to stay unconscious. But on the third day, she knew she needed to get up and go to work. She knew she just spent nearly two weeks on a road trip, disregarding any real responsibilities and she knew her boss probably wouldn’t like it if she called-in until she no longer felt socially inept. Reluctantly, Mason pulled herself out of bed, showered, and dressed in work-appropriate attire.

She drove herself to work instead of taking the subway. She didn’t want or need any reminders of the other night when she rode the train aimlessly for hours to help stifle her panic attacks over her uncle. Luckily, traffic was decent and she arrived early for her shift. She sat at the front counter with a cup of coffee, feeling dead to the world.

“You look like hell,” she heard and looked up to see her boss Janice standing in front of her.

Mason pursed her lips at her, knowing she was probably right. If she looked even an inkling like how she felt, then yes, she probably looked like hell.

“I’m sorry, kid. Too early for the truth?” Janice snickered in the light-hearted way she had as she bypassed Mason to start her shift.

“Too early for anything to be quite honest,” Mason grumbled as she got up from the stool and headed back to clock-in.

Surprisingly, the day went by quickly, and she was grateful that April wasn’t on the schedule. Mason wasn’t prepared for the tension that another argument with her would bring.

Janice was like a mother-figure to Mason, as much as she didn’t like to admit it, and she enjoyed working with her. But just like any mother, she liked to try to figure Mason out – even though Mason was never much for letting anyone in.

“You went through some shit, didn’t you?” Janice asked, catching Mason off guard as she cleaned out the coffee pot up front in the café during a lull in business.

“Huh?” Mason asked, eyeing her narrowly.

“You’ve always been a little rough around the edges – a chip in your exterior here and there, but since you’ve been back, you just seem… broken,” Janice said honestly, causing the emotion to swell up in her chest. Mason had to take a deep breath and focus back on the coffee maker to keep the tears from surfacing in her eyes.

Was she really that different? Did she change that much?

She was sure she knew the answers, because she knew Harry changed her on their trip. Everything changed. It was nearly impossible for her to cut ties with him like she did and it took a toll on her. There was an ache in her chest every single second. Everything inside of her felt broken and she was certain nothing was fixable.

“You okay?” Janice asked, giving her an honest look of concern.

“I’m trying to be,” Mason said quietly as she averted her gaze.

“Is it because of April?” She asked cautiously.

“What?” Mason croaked. She hoped no one caught on about her and April’s falling out, but it must have been blatantly obvious to everyone when they stopped speaking to each other.

“She, uh—she requested opposite shifts from you,” Janice told her, giving her a look of sympathy.

Mason nodded and went back to cleaning the coffee machine. She could feel the pain tightening in her chest as she tried to keep her breathing even.

“If you need someone to talk to…” Janice said, letting the offer trail off.

“April has every right to request opposite shifts from me. I did something I shouldn’t have and… and I’m just realizing the extent of it and the utter stupidity—I’m just stupid,” Mason sighed, throwing down the rag she had in her hand, feeling frustrated.

“You’ll get passed it. You two are great friends,” Janice tried to reassure her.

“It’s not about us and she’s not going to get over it any time soon,” Mason said, shrugging her shoulders, trying to be passive about it.

“Hmm,” Janice hummed, nodding her head.

Silence gripped them and Mason picked up the rag to begin cleaning again. She didn’t know what else to say. She didn’t feel like getting into all of her problems with anyone, let alone in the middle of a shift at work. 

“Well, kid. I’m not a doctor or a psychiatrist or anything, but my advice to you is to get out. Get out of that apartment of yours. Go out, have fun, meet some new people. Maybe you can meet a nice guy that will bring the sunshine back into your world. I really miss your smile around here,” Janice offered, smirked at her. And Mason couldn’t help but give her a tiny smile back.

Janice was so optimistic about it, but Mason knew it would never be that easy. Going out wasn’t going to make her forget what happened with her uncle, or what happened between her and Harry. She was certain there wasn’t anything that could cure either of them from her thoughts. There wasn’t a single thing that would turn her thoughts into anything but a plague on her mind. She was a sinking ship with no life preserver to keep her from drowning in the deep dark sea. She was a goner.

…

It had been a long night after an even longer day. After work, Mason found herself back in her stuffy apartment and there was still the fear in the back of her mind that her uncle would be lurking around the corner. The terror was almost paralyzing and she knew she couldn’t just sit there night after night, praying the nightmares wouldn’t become a reality again.

And she also had to deal with the possibility of Harry stopping by. She knew she couldn’t handle another go around with him. She was deteriorating by the second. Sadness enveloped her and she knew Janice was right. She needed to get out. She surprised herself when she decided to take her advice, throwing herself back into the club scene she had long since retired from.

Her body glistened with perspiration as she danced along with the beat of the music. She was barely aware of her surroundings, having drank until her throat no longer burned, until her body felt numb. She didn’t care about much. She didn’t have a  _need_ to care. She just hoped the night would end with either her blacking out in her bed alone or her finding a guy to take her home with him – either option would suffice for her. 

It felt weird to be in a club again. It had been so long since she needed to come to one to feel alive or to just numb herself. Since Harry. She hadn’t needed the escape since Harry. And now she needed it more than ever, _because of_ Harry. 

Mason was certain the only thing that was going to get her through the night was the alcohol. She didn’t think she could let herself go without it. She wanted to forget so badly. She wanted the alcohol to wash away all the memories of him. She wanted another man’s hands and lips and body touching her so she forgot all of those things about him. She wanted to wake up and not remember his face. 

Because it hurt too much. Every hour. Every minute. Every second.

She used to go out all the time, before Harry. She used to spend her nights drinking, dancing, and perusing for one hookup after another. Why couldn’t she be like that again? She successfully pushed Harry away. Maybe she needed a new boy to help her forget – a boy who didn’t know her whole dark past, a boy who wasn’t going to stick around when morning came.

And as she walked up to the bar to get another drink, she laid eyes on a man she knew would be her next conquest. She tried to ignore that his wild hair reminded her of Harry’s or his wide bright eyes. Even his smile seemed the same – the build of his shoulders, everything. But there was one shining quality to this man that set him apart from Harry – _he wasn’t Harry_.

It wasn’t long until Mason’s body was melded with his on the dance floor. And not long after that, she was propped up on the back of a toilet seat, making out with him in a stall in the men’s room.

Her legs wrapped around his middle and she kissed him with all the desperation in the world. She needed it so badly. She needed to know she still had control of her life. She needed to know she was right with her decisions – she could get by alone, without him.

_The Harry look-a-like_ was an exceptional kisser and it seemed easier than she initially thought. And when his hands slipped up her dress to pull down her panties, she tried her best not to flinch. She knew it was the direction they were headed. She gave him all the signals, yet it still seemed foreign to her. When his lips kissed down her neck and his stubble scrapped across her skin, she pictured Harry’s face in her head. She bit her lip and tried to think of anything else, but even the guy’s moan sounded like Harry. She wanted to muzzle him to get him to shut up. But she knew it wasn’t a possibility.  

Mason groaned, more out of frustration than anything, as her fingers dug into the man’s shoulders blades. But as soon as she did it, a shooting pain shot straight up her arm from the injury she sustained from punching the bathroom stall at the train station. And as memories of that dark night filled her mind, she knew this was all wrong. It jarred that little place in her mind where insanity met clarity and she knew she would never be able to get Harry out of her head – worst of all, her heart.

Mason’s palms pressed against the man’s shoulders and he looked down at her with furrowed eyebrows.

“What’s the matter, baby?” He said, smirking at her.

“I can’t… I’ve gotta go. I’ve gotta get outta here,” she said, pushing him backward so she could jump down from the back of the toilet.

“We were just getting there, honey. Come on,” he tried to coax her to stay as she slipped past him toward the stall door and unlocked it.

“Not tonight,” she told him as she made her way out of the stall.

“Fucking cock tease,” she heard as she passed the few guys who stood at the urinals, looking at her oddly.

Mason threw the bathroom door open and made her way back into the club, moving quickly toward the exit. She felt like she was suffocating. And she knew this night was a string of one bad idea after another. She had plenty of bad ideas in her lifetime, but as she walked quickly down the sidewalk, leaving the club in her wake, she knew there was one idea that was never a bad one, no matter how many times she tried to convince herself of it.

It took Mason less than ten minutes to walk from the club to his doorstep. In ten minutes, all she could see was his face. And she knew everything he said as he stood in her doorway just days prior was genuine and one hundred percent true. She knew she couldn’t use him as her crutch anymore, but maybe they could help each other be strong. Maybe just having him in her life would be enough. She wasn’t ready to let him go. She didn’t want to fight the itching, burning, plaguing feelings anymore. She needed Harry.

The closer she got to seeing him though, the more anxious she felt. He told her he loved her. He _loved_ her. No one had ever loved her. She didn’t know how to feel about it or how to express her feelings. She felt a lot of things for Harry. She felt so many things, and maybe it was love, she didn’t know. She wasn’t sure what love was because she never loved someone in a romantic sense. But she knew what she felt for Harry was strong and it wasn’t going away. And she knew they had a connection and she knew she didn’t want to live without him. Was that love? Whatever it was, it was scary and exciting and uncomfortable, but something she wanted to feel. And she realized right then and there that Harry made her happy – _truly happy_.

Mason stood in front of his door trying to regulate her breathing, but the longer she stood there, the worse it got. So she knocked – just to get it over with. And as she heard his lock click and watched as the door open, her emotions were overwhelming. The moment she saw his face, the dam broke and her tears sprung free.

“Mason,” he breathed, looking at her wide-eyed as she cried.

“Mason, are you okay?” He asked and took a step toward her. He reached out to her, but stopped himself just before his hand touched her. And she couldn’t blame him.

She didn’t know what to do and she didn’t know how to explain herself. An apology hung on the tip of her tongue, but she couldn’t say it. Her lips couldn’t form the words.

“Come in. Mase, please,” Harry said quickly and she did what he said, wiping her eyes in the process.

He shut the door behind her and she couldn’t help but notice the distance he was purposely putting between them. She did a good job of scaring him off and she couldn’t help but regret it all. He looked almost haggard, standing in front of her wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants that hung loosely off of his body. His chestnut hair was a mess atop his head, and his stubble was grown out to the point where you could call it a beard. Did she do that to him? Was he worse off without her? She didn’t like the overwhelming pain in his eyes as he looked at her, so she just began to talk to get her mind off of the thought of her causing him pain.

“Have you ever just… have you ever just needed something that… that you know you shouldn’t?” Mason asked as she focused on anything but him, wiping at her eyes haphazardly.

“Yes, Mason,” he replied without hesitation.

“Sometimes it’s so overwhelming. Sometimes I like to pretend it’s not constantly there in the back of my mind – the need for it. Sometimes I thrive on it. And just sometimes, I can’t help but feel so absolutely desperate for it,” she explained, finally looking back at him as the tears streaked down her cheeks. Of course she was talking about him and him alone, but she didn’t have the guts to admit it aloud.

“Mason,” he breathed as he looked at her thoughtfully.

“I’m desperate for it, Harry,” she whispered as she took a step forward.

It was only then that Harry reached out to touch her, resting his hands on her hips as she leaned in to connect their lips. Her kisses were desperate, but so were his. And she’d be lying if she said she hadn’t craved the taste of his mouth.

Harry moaned into the kiss and it made her smile, reminding her of how aggravated she was when the imposter-Harry was moaning into her kisses. The real thing was just so much better.

“What?” Harry said, breaking the kiss, but not the hold they had on one another.

“Nothing,” Mason said as she stifled her smile, gripping onto his shirt before pulling him backward with her toward his bed.

“Tell me what you’re thinking,” Harry insisted.

“This is not a time for talking,” she told him as she leaned in to kiss him again.

“ _Mason_ ,” he said and she tried to ignore the warning in his tone. Mason let out a drunken giggle and let herself drop back on his bed.

“You’re drunk,” he stated, smirking down at her. Mason licked her lips and smirked back at him.

“I can taste the beer on your lips too, _Harry_ ,” she said, quirking her brow.

“Where were you tonight?” He asked as his eyes dropped down to take in the skimpy black dress that clung to her frame.

“Out – trying to forget,” she admitted, eyeing him carefully. And she knew he understood what she meant because she saw the flare in his eyes.

“And did it help?” He asked in a lowered voice, staring straight into her.

“For a moment,” she said, challenging him and she saw the fire scorching in his eyes.

“Don’t bullshit me, Mason,” he scolded as he ripped his shirt over his head seconds before his body slithered up hers.

“No bullshit,” she said breathlessly as she looked deep into his fiery eyes.

His lips came down against hers hard and she whimpered against his mouth as the stinging pain hit her. And it was fast after that. Harry’s sweat pants were pushed down as he reached for her panties but found none – which only fueled his fire. He bit at her bottom lip as his fingers thrust deep inside of her and she couldn’t help but gasp helplessly. His fierceness was turning her on and she wanted to scream, but she knew it would only satisfy him and she wanted to keep playing the game they were playing.

Mason’s dress wasn’t even shed from her body before he thrust himself in as deeply as he could. Both of their bodies shook from the stimulation and their breathing was ragged as he nearly pulled out completely and thrust back in just as deep.

“Fuck. _Harry_ ,” Mason groaned as she dug the fingers of her uninjured hand into his back muscles.

Harry was zero to sixty in a millisecond and he was taking her on the god damn ride of her life. She couldn’t help the noises coming out of her mouth and his groans in her ear just added to the pleasure of it all. She wasn’t going to last if he kept it up. 

“Jesus Christ, Harry. _Ohmygod_ ,” Mason groaned as she tossed her head back against the mattress.

Harry took the opportunity to kiss her neck, his stubble scratching and teasing as his lips ascended. And as his rhythm sped up, she felt him bite her neck just hard enough to mix some pain in with the pleasure.

She could tell by his body language this wasn’t necessarily the sex they usually had. Yes, they usually had the type of sex that was fast and sated a need deep within them, but somehow she knew this sex was different. This was raw, almost vengeful sex. And she knew there was a lot for Harry to still be angry about. She knew it was her who pushed him away – not once but twice, and even more times than that if they were getting technical. And now it was her who showed up on his doorstep, messing with his head further. But she knew this was something both of them needed in the end.

Mason felt her entire body heat up as the rapid tingling of orgasm rose up inside of her.

“ _Keep. Going_ ,” she gasped, tightening her grip around him.

His paced slowed only slightly as he took longer, more thoughtful thrusts, knowing her body well enough to know how to push her orgasm along in the best, most pleasing of ways.

“Fuck, Harry. _Fuck_ ,” she whimpered as her orgasm enthralled her entire body, owning all of her senses.

She didn’t even have time to come down from her high before Harry was groaning, stiffening his body above her. And she knew his body well enough to know he came too.

When Harry rolled off of her, breaking their contact completely, she felt the emotional distance between them. He was pulling away on purpose, guarding his heart. Mason closed her eyes to hold off the tears, thinking about what she did to him. Hating herself even more for turning him away from her. 

“Harry,” Mason sighed as he pulled his sweat pants back up his body.

“Hmm?” He hummed, stilling against the mattress as he looked up at the ceiling.

“I want to… I want to tell you everything,” she whispered, her voice cracking with emotions.

His head turned to look at her and she looked back into his wondering eyes.

“I want to… but I don’t know how,” she croaked as the tears silently slipped out of her eyes, sliding down her cheeks.

“Just say it,” he said simply, sounding breathless and defeated.

“You’re the most beautiful thing I have ever seen,” she told him as she reached her hand out to cup his face.

She noticed a ghost of a smile on his lips, but she could tell he was guarding himself. She slowly dropped her hand away from his face as the anxiety built up inside of her.

“Something happened,” she admitted as her eyes timidly looked away from him.

“What happened?” He asked quietly.

“My… my uncle—” Mason choked out as her fingers swiped under her eyes to brush away the tears.

“What happened?” Harry asked more impatiently as he shifted his body to face her completely.

“He… he came to see me,” she continued, her focus falling on the small cross necklace that hung around his neck, rather than on his eyes.

“Oh my god, Mase. Are you okay? Did he hurt you?” Harry asked quickly, sitting up slightly as his eyes looked her up and down.

“He… he apologized for… for everything. He’s in AA, I guess. He wanted to make amends,” Mason explained and all Harry could do was stare back at her with his mouth hung open and his eyes wide.

“I made him… I made him admit what he did to me,” she told him as she pushed the heels of her palms into her tear-filled eyes.

“Ohmygod, Mason,” Harry breathed.

“And then I told him I never wanted to see him again, that he could never contact me again,” she finished and felt Harry’s hand grasp onto her wrist, pulling it away from her eyes.

Mason looked over at him and felt the overwhelming feelings for him that plagued her for far too long.

“I’m proud of you,” he said sweetly.

“Don’t be. He scared the living shit out of me. I couldn’t even stay at my apartment that night,” she sighed, shaking her head.

“You’re the strongest person I know,” he told her with honesty dripping from his words.

“Harry…” Mason breathed.

“Hmm?” He hummed, looking contently at her.

“Tonight… tonight I wanted to forget you so bad. So bad I even tried to… with someone else,” she admitted, feeling the anxiety swell in her chest.

“Oh,” he murmured.

“But it only made me realize I never want to forget you,” she told him honestly.

“ _Oh_ ,” he said again and she saw a spark in his eyes.

“I’ve never felt anything like this before,” she told him as she sat up in his bed and he did the same.

“Felt what?” He asked cautiously.

“Felt the way I feel for you,” she told him.

“How do you feel?” He asked quietly.

“You make the pain go away. When I’m with you, there is no pain,” she told him truthfully.

“ _Mason_ ,” he said, his voice breathless.

“I think we met for a reason, Harry. I think we were brought to each other for a purpose. And maybe we went completely the wrong way about it, but I think this is right for us,” she admitted for the first time.

“I think so too, Mason,” he said, leaning in to kiss her bare shoulder blade.

“I think that despite whatever outside influences may try to sabotage this, I think maybe we can make each other happy. I think maybe you are my best chance and I’m yours,” she continued as her tears stained her cheeks.

“ _Mason_ ,” he breathed as his hand cupped the back of her head before he pressed his lips against hers.

“I wanna make you happy,” he told her as they broke apart.

“You do,” she whispered.

“I’m in love with you,” he told her again, now that she was finally ready to hear it.

“I’m not sure, but I think I might be in love with you too,” Mason said, finally accepting the overwhelming feelings she’d been feeling for far too long.

“You have no idea, Mason—” Harry choked out as his emotions flooded him, pulling her against his chest.

“This isn’t going to be easy for me, I hope you know that,” she warned him.

“Nothing has ever been easy with you, Mason. I am prepared for anything,” he said, pulling back to smile at her before he leaned in and kissed her lips again.

“You just have to be patient with me,” she told him as her hand came up to cup his cheek again.

“I learned that a long time ago,” he said, smirking at her. 

Mason took in a deep breath and let it out in a shuddered exhale, feeling utterly overwhelmed.

“I’m here for whatever you need, Mason,” Harry said, wrapping his arms around her as he coaxed her back against the mattress.

“You always have been,” she reminded him.

“I want to be there for you with more than just sex,” he affirmed.

“I’ll try my best to open up,” she replied, nodding her head.

“I love you,” he hummed and she couldn’t help but nuzzle her nose into the skin covering his rib cage as a smile erupted on her lips.

Her feelings were out of control, but finally admitting and accepting her love for him helped ease her back down to a place where she could tolerate being with him emotionally.

She fell asleep in Harry’s arms that night and woke up in them the next morning. There was no running. There was no need to. She woke up to his kisses and although he caught her off guard, it was much easier to bring the guarded walls of her heart down knowing he wasn’t going to hurt her or leave her – he loved her.

And finally, Mason knew what he meant when he told her, _don’t hold back and don’t pull away_. It was just so much better to _be_ with him without the pressures of her own psyche weighing her down. Harry was in her heart and she was certain he wasn’t going anywhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **THE END.**  
>  I hope you enjoyed the story as much as I enjoyed writing it. It's probably my favorite story I've ever written, so yeah. Let me know what you think. Thank you!  
>   
>  **EDIT: I am currently writing an epilogue. So, yay!**


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